It's not Every Problem That Needs a Prayer.

It is a pity to see how some people self-sabotage themselves by seeking spiritual solutions to issues they can easily resolve by mere change in attitudes. When problems arise in a marriage, a career or in a business venture, the root of the problem most often lies in the inability of the affected person to look inward.

For instance, when a woman is having a marital problem, the first thing for her to do is to ask herself if she is ADEQUATELY performing her duties as a wife or mother. After that, she can go further to review her over-all attitude or manner. For example, is her attitude like that of a responsibly-married lady or is she lousy and reckless in her attitude? It is after clearing all these personal aspects that she can resort to prayers.

I once heard the story of a woman whose marriage could be described as almost perfect. Then, she became a deaconess in her church. As chairman of the church’s prayer warriors, the pastor observed that the woman was always submitting a prayer request for peace in her marriage. After one particular church program, the pastor asked her about the issue and she pleaded with the pastor not to let her husband know. According to her though, the man “changed” towards her since she became a deaconess. She complained that “Unlike the perfect gentleman that I married, Tunji has become something else. He is always complaining that I spend too much time in the church...and to make matters worse, he now goes to night clubs and  comes back home very late…” Looking disturbed, the pastor promised to keep praying for the couple. But one Sunday after church service, the pastor casually asked the woman’s husband why he had not been attending week days’ programs in the church. And without mincing words, the man rudely replied saying, “Don’t tell me that my wife that you took is not enough or you want to take me too?” When the pastor expressed shock at this statement, the man went further to say that since the pastor made his wife a deaconess, their marriage had not been the same. He went further to say, “We were a loving couple in a happy home until you made her a deaconess. Since then, all I hear is, ‘pastor this’ or ‘pastor that’. All of a sudden, no more sex…no more cuddling…in fact, we don’t even hug or kiss anymore all because my wife is a deaconess…”

The following Sunday evening, the pastor invited the couple for a dinner. It was there that he bluntly revealed his encounter with the woman’s husband. Staring straight at the woman, the pastor said angrily, “Deaconess, may God forgive you!” As the deaconess was beginning to get jittery over this angry reaction, the pastor stated further, “You’re one of those creating problems in the Christendom with your ignorance. The church made you a deaconess because you deserve it. Your anointing as a deaconess was supposed to manifest into more blessings upon your life…it is not meant to destroy your marriage.” The pastor’s wife joined her husband in educating the deaconess that unwittingly, the deaconess was actually committing sins against God by going against her marital vows. “In fact, you were just punishing yourself with all those constant fasting and prayers when all you needed was just a change in attitude….because being a deaconess or church worker is no excuse for you to abandon your duties as a wife. In fact, if you cannot keep your home intact with love and peace, how can you sincerely counsel any member of the church with matrimonial trouble in your capacity as a deaconess?” the pastor concluded.     

There is also the case of a man that was known to be a jolly good fellow ONLY outside his matrimonial home. Among friends, acquaintances and colleagues, he was a nice guy to be around. But at home, he was a terror to both his wife and their adult kids. If he was not beating his wife, he was yelling at his kids over the most mundane stuff. He was always coming home very late while blaming his family for making his life miserable. And most times, his wife and kids wished he would just stay away from home completely and never come back. Yet, the man was a Christian. He would go to church almost every day for one program or the other. Then, he was diagnosed with chronic depression and shortly after that, he was losing weight. Some members of the church were so worried that they expressed their concern to the pastor. After talking about the issue with the church members, the pastor also met with the man’s wife and children. Initially, the pastor was confused because while the members of the church said great things about the man, his wife and kids were of the contrary opinion. After meditating and praying about it, the pastor had a meeting with the man. And, as far as the pastor was concerned, “We shall keep you in our prayers. But beyond prayers, you too have a role to play. First of all, why are you a happy-go-lucky man outside among people and yet, you're always miserable within members of your family? And to answer this question, you need to henceforth let your charity begin at home.” When the man asked the pastor to explain, the man of God said; “Brother, you need to start doing at home, the same things you do outside that are making people say good things about you…” 

The same principles about attitudes apply to other aspects of life. When a man was having problems at work, he sought the spiritual intervention of his pastor. The man of God began the counselling by asking him to look inward. “I need you to start by asking yourself some questions…” the pastor stated. “Do you go to work regularly? How punctual are you at work on daily basis? Are you performing your duties as expected of you? It's after checking all of these stuffs that you can now resort to prayers.”

If someone is getting a rough deal in a business venture, he/she first have to check themselves. Is he/she being truthful in the deal? Is he/she investing a mere 20 percent of money while expecting a 50-50 share of the profit margin? Is he/she being fair to the partner (s) in the deal? All of these questions need to be answered before praying for the success of the business venture. 

Praying is a good habit to cultivate especially when we have problems. But most times, it’s very important that we first look inward to check if the root of the problem is not deeply-etched in our negative attitude, ego or (and) stubbornness. Many times, we pray and fast in order to bind or cast out “demons” that do not exist...except in our imagination.