Some Issues You Need To Talk About Before Getting Married.

There are salient issues that need to be discussed by a couple as soon as a marriage proposal is made. These are the ingredients for a solid marital foundation: 

Religion: A serious discussion about religion during courtship will ensure that you two are on the same page and this will eliminate any surprise. For instance, both of you may be Christians but if one is a fanatic while the other is liberal, there will be problem in the near future. If one is a Catholic while the other is a Methodist, you need to choose which one to attend jointly upon marriage. Nothing undermines a marriage as a lack of consensus in what denomination to attend. Even the kids will be confused. Although my wife was an Anglican before marriage, she easily resolved to join me in attending the Baptist denomination upon marriage.  

Credit score and debt: Couples need to share financial information about each other during courtship. Knowing your partner’s salary is one thing, but understanding where his/her money is going is another. In our time, there was nothing like a bad debt issue. As soon as I proposed marriage to my wife, we both resolved to be transparent about our individual incomes. 

In-laws: If you love your future in-laws, great! If you have an issue (even the slightest problem about anyone), voice your concern with your partner. Having an open and honest conversation with your fiancé can provide insight on your future in-laws and help you better understand them and minimize any future complications. 

The kids: It’s very important during courtship for a couple to talk about the number of children they hope to have. It's also essential to discuss how the kids will be raised. During courtship, my wife and I already knew the number of kids we would have. The third child was not "originally" in our plan but we chose to be flexible about such a possibility. We decided that I would name the first child while she would name the second child. When the third child came, we simply put it to vote within the nuclear family. As for discipline, fortunately, we both detested spoilt brats.  

 

Gender roles: You guys may not really have to talk about specific roles before marriage. However, you both have to adapt to doing certain chores as they arise and in regard to each person's job schedules. Also, discuss how often each of you should do certain chores. 

Spending money: During premarital discussions, both of you need to discuss how you'll be spending money. Will you have a joint account? If yes, will you be informing each other before purchasing an item above a certain amount. This is especially important if one of you spends frivolously. 

Handling arguments: Will you argue in front of the kids? At what point will you seek external counseling? It’s a good idea to know who has a hot temper and who is laidback. What are your plans for effective communication and finding a solution to each quarrel as it arises? 

Boundaries: There are instances where a couple and their families or in-laws live close to each other. In such a situation, they need to have a policy in place to avoid interferences. Do the relatives have to call ahead before visiting or can they just pop up? Take it a step further by talking about the possibility of a parent in-law or sibling in-law living with you. In our case, my wife actually volunteered early in our marriage to have my father live with us. It was a very rare thing for a woman to do. And that's one of the reasons why I will forever adore and treasure her in my life.

Career expectations: Are you both alright with each other's career? Does any of you have the potential to relocate your family to a different location due to career needs? Are your future spouse’s career goals in line with your desired family dynamic? What sacrifices are you prepared to make for each other to succeed in your careers? 

How Are You Raising Your Kids?

Too many young women and men are daily regretting their choices of spouses. But wait a minute, who raised/trained those terrible husbands and wives?

Mothers, when was the last time you instructed your son to wash the dishes or do some household chores? Fathers, are you raising your sons to be gentlemen or beasts? And, how did you both react the first time the boy raised his hand to beat a girl? Please note that whatever a man does today is a reflection of his parents' manner of raising him. So, blame his mother for a poor job and the father who looked the other way when the man was being badly raised!

Fathers, for what benefits will your future son(s) in-law be thankful to you? In Yoruba land, it's said that "When a father sees his son in-law and the young man prostrates to show respect, that's his reward for raising a good daughter. On the other hand, if the son in-law merely extends his hand for a lousy, angry handshake, that's also a reward for producing a terrible daughter." Only a man really knows what makes a good wife. Therefore, partner with your wife to raise your daughters into good, educated, well-mannered, virtuous women. The painstaking job of raising kids does not lie only in the hands of mothers. Queen Esther was properly raised by her uncle and it's no wonder that she won the hearts of the men in the palace ( thank GOD for favors as well, but DON

'T rule out her uncle's training). Jairus ran after Jesus for the healing of his daughter. He didn't leave that responsibility to her mother.

Unlike weddings (of a few hours) marriages are supposed to be lifetime events. And it takes pure hard work, patience and the grace of God for them to last the distance. You might wonder, what about love? Yes, it's also important. But love is fleeting and can be very fragile in its existence. Therefore, it takes the above (hard work, patience and God's grace) to maintain it. As parents therefore, let's start preparing for the success of our kids' marriages from the moment they are born.