To Forgive and Forget? Nothing Short of a Mission Impossible.

Imagine getting offended by someone who, after a while, realizes their error and pleads for forgiveness. For many of us who have found ourselves in this type of situation, forgiveness is not a problem. Very often however, the offending person will not only ask for forgiveness. They will most likely ask that we “forgive and forget”. And this is where the problem arises. Yes, we tend to agree. But do we really ever forget? In reality, this is easier said than done. A brain has no eraser and neither does it have a delete button. Some things will just refuse to go away, depending on the hurts that arise from them.

The Yoruba people of southwestern Nigeria have a saying to the effect, “Spoken words are like eggs. Once they fall off from a mouth, they can’t be repackaged into their previous shapes.” Now, actions or spoken words that inflict physical or emotional pain cannot, in all reality, be expected to go away. The aggrieved party only has to see the scar or remember the emotional anguish to feel offended all over again.

Therefore, the only anti-dote to this type of situation is for us all to be mindful of what we do or say in moments of anger. And each time we do mess up, as imperfect mortals, the best we can hope for is forgiveness. Asking the aggrieved parties to forget is akin to asking them to wipe off a part of their brains. This is a “Mission Impossible”.