When it Comes to Marriage, Every Man is Conservative.

In those days, a woman would go to any length to cover up those sensitive parts of her body that men considered to be the basis of a woman’s physical pride. Women recognized this same physical pride as the bedrock of their emotional state of well-being.

Back in the day, a woman would take extra precautions to keep a man guessing about her body. It was common for a man to keep dreaming excitedly of the day when he would finally have the privilege to see that body.

These days however, it’s a different “ballgame”. Now, a typical woman will go to any length to expose the most intimate parts of her body, leaving nothing to imagination. From a very first date, she will provide a man with an eyeful of erotic sights to last him a lifetime. On a platter of gold, the man’s eyes are fed with a constant flash of her half-exposed breasts (cleavage) and the occasional exposure of her underpants (sex appeal). Unlike the past therefore, most men don’t have to “salivate” or have their imagination running riot anymore. Now, the only obstacle standing between a man and sex after one or two dates is just the distance between the location of the date and the nearest bedroom. Yet, it’s amazing, if not baffling to hear a lot of women lament over “the shortage of good men” and why marriage eludes them. Don’t they ever reason within themselves to realize that when it comes to marriage, every man is conservative in nature?

To Forgive and Forget? Nothing Short of a Mission Impossible.

Imagine getting offended by someone who, after a while, realizes their error and pleads for forgiveness. For many of us who have found ourselves in this type of situation, forgiveness is not a problem. Very often however, the offending person will not only ask for forgiveness. They will most likely ask that we “forgive and forget”. And this is where the problem arises. Yes, we tend to agree. But do we really ever forget? In reality, this is easier said than done. A brain has no eraser and neither does it have a delete button. Some things will just refuse to go away, depending on the hurts that arise from them.

The Yoruba people of southwestern Nigeria have a saying to the effect, “Spoken words are like eggs. Once they fall off from a mouth, they can’t be repackaged into their previous shapes.” Now, actions or spoken words that inflict physical or emotional pain cannot, in all reality, be expected to go away. The aggrieved party only has to see the scar or remember the emotional anguish to feel offended all over again.

Therefore, the only anti-dote to this type of situation is for us all to be mindful of what we do or say in moments of anger. And each time we do mess up, as imperfect mortals, the best we can hope for is forgiveness. Asking the aggrieved parties to forget is akin to asking them to wipe off a part of their brains. This is a “Mission Impossible”.

The Dilemma of a Perfect Gentleman.

I have always believed in the wise words of sages.

I particularly treasure the admonition that a woman of virtue can consider herself, a precious jewel, that must not be given out to the swine of a man, lest he tramples his foot on her. Another word of wisdom is to never bother teaching a pig how to sing. The effort will be a waste of your time and the pig will end up getting angry.

What however happens where a "precious jewel" is handed to an appreciative gentleman who not only loves, adores and cherishes her but also gets over-protective, lest her great values be tarnished? I guess the sages of old would have expected only sheer gratitude from such a woman; except that in today’s world, there is tendency for the woman to react negatively rather than gratefully. And trying , under that circumstance, to explain the situation to an ungrateful woman can only get the man frustrated while the woman gets hassled.

The Song That Got Me in Trouble.

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This video reminds me of an incident in 1986. I was the Disc Jockey at a friend’s bachelor’s eve party. Everything was going smoothly more so, with many of the guests dancing so beautifully.

At one particular moment when the groom was ushered onto the dancing floor, some women rushed forward to dance with and encircle him to the song, “Ain't No Stopping Us Now” by McFadden & Whitehead.

At this stage, one woman left the circle to approach the groom for a one-on-one dance. She was the groom’s immediate ex-girlfriend. Earlier, the groom and some of us were really surprised that the woman could summon the courage to attend the party, especially since their break-up was very bitter.

As the D.J., I had already arranged some albums on the dual turn-table for my convenience. So, as the current track was rounding up, I released the next album on a different turn-table and the track was, “I Don’t Love You Anymore…” by Teddy Pendergrass. Subsequently, I was engrossed in arranging more albums on the previous turn-table. But according to the groom and other friends, while the crowd went crazy on hearing the song by Teddy Pendergrass, the groom’s ex-girlfriend was seen fuming at me because of the contents of the track blaring over the speakers.

All I knew was that the woman suddenly appeared in the Disc Jockey’s cubicle, her eyes filled with fury. In spite of her attitude, I asked “Hey…how are you doing?”

“Oh, you want to know how I am doing?” she asked with a sneer.

I nodded without a word.

And boom…she threw a glass of beer in my face!

“Now, you know how I am feeling?” she screamed in tears. “I know you don’t like me…and you played that stupid music just to ridicule me…”

 

 

 

Another Victim of Racial Profiling.

“I know they killed my son… this was wrong and it was cold-hearted.”

To many readers, the above statement will sound familiar. But no, it was not made by the mother of Trayvon Martin (February 5, 1995 – February 26, 2012) a 17-year-old African American teenager from Miami Gardens, Florida who was fatally shot by an idiot who was so prejudiced as to assume that all young black men were potential criminals.



Rather, the anguished statement was made only last Saturday by Lesley McSpadden (shown above) the mother of Michael Brown, the latest victim of a racial profiling.

Michael Brown was an eighteen-year-old African American whose life was cut short by the bullets fired by a police officer in as the young man walked down a street in Ferguson, Missouri. The time of the sad incident was reported as 2:15pm on a bright Saturday afternoon. The worse aspect of it all was that the young man was merely a few days away from starting classes at Vatterott College.



According to eye witnesses, Brown was stopped by a police officer for reasons still unknown. But the people around the scene recollected seeing the officer making attempts at dragging Brown into his patrol car. As the officer did this, Brown was said to break into a run while the police officer began shooting until the young man felled to the ground. From all accounts so far, the victim was not armed.



A friend of Michael Brown was heard saying, "Everyone else wanted to be a football player, a basketball player…he wanted to own his own business.”

"He said he wasn't going to end up like some people on the streets.” another friend, Hershel Johnson, told the CNN. “He was going to get an education…he was going to make his life a whole lot better."

Unfortunately, the police officer that shot Michael Brown did not allow the fulfillment of the young man’s destiny.

The local NCAAP and other community leaders had asked federal officials to get involved in the racially-charged shooting. And the latest news on the incident is that the FBI will conduct its own investigation in addition to the one already under way by St. Louis county police. The FBI’s focus will be on whether the civil rights of Michael Brown were violated.

 

What Manner of Men Are Out There These Days?

There are many men out there. And they are mostly unsuitable for a long-time-relationship or marriage. Here are samples:



A man’s head is filled with corn rows. And when he is not going about with those silly braids, his head is covered with some lousy rags. He proudly indicates that all these are in a bid to show that he has a thug attitude even though he is well in his middle twenties. He needs to grow up!

A man spends too much time in front of a mirror. He has a cosmetic case or a table filled with so many hair grooming stuff and “make-up” items that one will think the house belongs to a woman. Outside, people see him as pretty, not handsome. If you stand on a line behind him at a check-out counter, you can mistake him for a woman. Unless you are a lesbian, this is not a real man!

A man speaks with a falsetto rather than with a real man’s vocal tone. When he is angry, he screams like a woman instead of yelling as a real man does. Whenever he is frustrated or involved in an argument, a pair of tears soon wells up in his eyes. He needs to man up!



 

A man spends too much time in a gym. But all he does is focus all attention on building his chest and biceps or triceps. That is an indication that he is deficient in the most sensitive area of his body. Unless it doesn’t matter to you (and that will be a lie) watch out!

A man drives a Lexus. He wears designer clothes and shoes. But he still lives with his mama…in her house. It doesn’t matter if he pays rent and parts of the utility bills. And, of course, his age does not matter. He needs to grow up!

A man is in his middle thirties. He has a great job, a house, a car and looks like a guy from the cover of a glossy magazine. Yet, he is single. Please, for your own sake, do not assume that he is a “player”, except if a major hobby of his is to play with toys. Underneath that “cool” façade may actually be a scared “mama’s boy”, a little boy trapped inside a grown body, a sociopath, a closet psychopath or a man “On-The-Down-Low”. Before you rush to fall in love with a fluke of a man, open your eyes!

 

 

Understanding Men.

This morning, I got an e-mail from a young woman and here is an excerpt:

“…there is this question that has been nagging me all my adult life. At the grown age of 26, each relationship I have with a guy has never lasted beyond a few months. Initially, I thought the problem was me. But it has finally dawned on me that I’m not the problem. So, please tell me…what is it that I need to know about men?”

Alright, here is my humble response:

First of all, age does not define a man’s level of emotional maturity. A boy that transforms physically into a grown man may not necessarily mature emotionally. Such a man is described as refusing to grow up. This is why he cannot be expected to maintain a long term relationship or marriage.

Examples of men who are not grown emotionally are those who daily gape at online nude pictures of women. These are the same men that watch porno movies at every opportunity. And these are men in their forties and married. Some of them are church ministers while others are community leaders.

About a decade ago, an older colleague in his late forties wanted me to accompany him to a strip club. I politely told him that I was not interested. When he remarked that I was a prude, I quickly pointed out my reason for declining the offer. The fact of the matter was that by the time I was in my late twenties, I was already done with all types of club-hopping, hard-drinking, and other major “extra-curricula” activities.

This explains my constant irritation each time I see and hear a man in his forties or those within my age-bracket (over fifty) talking childishly about women, clubs and stuff like that. It’s also the main reason why I pity infatuated teenage girls and young women who think the guys in their lives will be available for ever. No sir! The guys are merely using them in the emotional developmental stages that include sexual experimentation.

In few instances where such a man ends up marrying his so-called high school or college "sweet hearts", the marriage will be fraught with abuses and dramas until it eventually ends in separation or divorce.

Women are therefore advised to be patient and wait till the most appropriate time in their lives before starting a relationship. The earlier a woman starts having a relationship, the earlier she gets her heart broken, period!

For the young women who are already being used as specimens by men in their emotional development, this issue is a “fait accompli” (it has happened… it has happened). Such women can only lick their wounds, summon enough courage and run!

When the time is ripe, a man who has already been through the emotional developmental stages and ready to settle down will come running after her. No woman should ever have to run after a man!