To All Great Foster and Adoptive Parents.

28 years ago, an 8-year-old boy and his younger brother were taken to a foster home upon the arrest of their crime-prone, single-parent mother. Just a couple of hours earlier, these poor kids were roused from their sleep by the pounding and knocking down of their door by the police. While still suffering from the emotional trauma, the confused and frightened kids stared gloomily at their foster parents who tried to calm them down. Being so late in the night however, they were shown into their room.

The following morning after taking their showers and fully dressed, the kids were pleasantly ushered into the dining area. Two things caught their attention immediately. The two had never seen so much delicious foods in their lives. And in the center of the table was a huge cake. It had been prepared all through the night by their foster mother who reminded the older kid that the day was his 8th year anniversary and that the cake was meant for the birthday celebration. Stunned, the boy burst into tears. In a subsequent offer of apology, he explained that he had never celebrated a birthday. Most times in the past anyway, he and his sibling often forgot their respective birthdays. This celebration would then become an annual tradition instituted by the couple who went on to adopt the two brothers. 20 years later with college degrees, great jobs and now married, the two brothers and their wives have since welcomed into their respective homes a foster kid each, who they eventually adopted. This was in line with a joint resolution they had earlier made.

This story was the content of an e-mail I received today from a guy who wanted me to share it with other readers. His objective was three-fold. To appreciate the roles of all great foster/adoptive parents. He wondered what the fates of he and his brother would have been today without their adoptive parents. He expected those of us who were (are) raised by biological, foster or adoptive parents not to take the kind gestures for granted. And finally, he wanted everyone to try showing some acts of kindness to those in need.

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Having a Child is a Choice

Going by the daily reports in newspapers and on TV, too many young people are railroading themselves into correctional facilities over dumb stuffs. And there is the strange pattern of the many convicts whose formative years were at the mercy of individuals who did not care a hoot about their future. Unfortunately this pattern persists till today.

On the one hand are the foster parents, some of whom are simply out to make some extra bucks. And, on the other hand, are the proxy parents. These are the grandparent, aunty, uncle and even the nanny to whom a biological parent routinely abdicates the primary responsibility for a child.

And talking of the biological parents; there are men who are more adept at sowing their "wild oats" than nurturing the fruits of their labor. Conversely, there are women who, for financial gains, will rather be custodial parents living off "child supports" without any form of motherly instinct.

There is also the pathetic scenario of a once-loving married couple who have now turned against each other in a bitter separation or divorce battle.  As one party tries to outdo the other in trading blames and grabbing whatever money or property is within reach, kids that are the products of the union are left in the lurch or treated as the last item of consideration.

Ironically, while the poor, hapless kids wallow in confusion and anger in the aftermath of this grave situation, the parents simply move on with their lives. Some of these parents will even unwittingly flaunt their new lovers in the face of the kids.

Most kids from one or more of the above situations go on in life with chips on their shoulders. With the impression that society owes them something, such kids proceed to look for scapegoats against whom to lash out their anger and frustrations, even at the risk of getting hurt in the process. And most often, the consequence is a jail term or sometimes, an untimely death.

Having a child is a choice—whether from a casual relationship or marriage. Regrettably, there are many kids who are ultimately made to feel like a "mistake" that arises from a couple's poor choice in life.

Procreation should not be an unwelcome result from a sexual recklessness. And neither should a child be construed for a therapeutic toy for a woman to "lean on" when confronted with some life's travails. Rather, it’s a self-imposed, life-long, painstaking task that demands physical, material and emotional responsibility.

Those of us who are unable to make these salient provisions, due to one reason or the other, should be fair enough to avoid this choice lest we contribute some menace to the society.