Don't you judge me!

"Don't you judge me!" How many times have we made or heard that statement?

According to a popular Yoruba adage, "A person always knows when he or she does something terrible but goes into denial while expecting someone else to tell them." Unfortunately, when such a terrible person does get to meet someone that reveals their character to them, the usual reaction from them is "Don't you judge me!"

Most people will cling on to denial whether they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. There are individuals who are into terribly bad habits that daily threaten to derail their careers, marriages or relationships. Yet, they hate to be told or reminded about these social maladies because of some pride or sheer stubborn attitudes...that is until something in their lives is destroyed.

This was the lesson a woman learned some years back in a very hard way. An American-based friend of mine was in Germany on vacation and one night, his host took him on a night's out. The guys were passing by a red-light district of Berlin when they saw a group of multiracial hookers advertising their bodies by the side of the street. As the two fed their eyes on the barely-clad flesh all around, my friend recognized one of the hookers and the shock made him yell at his host to stop the car. The woman and her husband were resident in Nigeria. So, my friend wondered why the woman was in Germany. When they pulled to a stop, two hookers took that as an invitation to jump into the darkness-filled car. Incidentally, one of the hookers was the identified woman. Irritated by this scenario, my friend's host announced to the women that they were not looking for hookers but that they pulled over for a different reason.

As the women hissed in frustration and tried to step out of the car, my friend suddenly turned on the car's inner light and called the name of the woman. Stunned to see the man, the woman initially started to plead that her secret be kept secret. She admitted that she lied to her husband about a business trip to Europe. But these pleas and explanations did not impress my friend as he confronted the woman for doing something that was not only shameful but also a danger to her husband. Finally, the woman could not take it anymore.

She was said to have flared up in anger, saying "Don't you dare judge me!"

"Judge you?" my friend stared at her in disbelief. "This is no judgement call. All I'm trying to do is tell you something you already know is bad..."

"And so...what's your business in this matter anyway...are you my husband?" the woman asked. "Listen, I dare you to tell my husband...then, we shall see who will come out of this scarred for trying to destroy my home."

With this declaration, the woman stomped off the car.

All through his return trip back to the United States, my friend was in dilemma. Should he inform his friend in Nigeria or keep the secret to himself? He decided to be a good friend by calling his friend in Nigeria.

"Hey buddy..." the other man said as he listened to my friend's story. "It was good you called to tell me...I just saw a picture in which you were talking with my wife in Germany."

"What!" my friend exclaimed in shock. "How did you get that?"

The other man chuckled, saying he had to put a "tail" on his wife as she departed for Europe. This action was the culmination of a negative report that he got the previous time the woman was in Dubai. It was a female relative of the man who saw his wife in a compromised situation in the middle-eastern country. The man's niece tried to call the woman to order about the disgraceful incident. But instead of taking the wise counsel, the woman told her husband's niece to mind her own business and stop judging her.

"As a business woman..." the other man went on to say. "Today, it's Germany, tomorrow, it's Dubai. She has been all over the place on so-called business trips and I never suspected she had been doing something else. So, this time around, I employed someone to follow her and keep a tab on her."

What if my friend had not called to disclose his discovery...how would he have subsequently explained his being "caught" on camera with his best friend's wife?

And as for the woman, if only she had listened the first time! Now, she did not know the horrible reception waiting for her back home in Nigeria where adultery is not only seriously frowned upon but also considered an abomination. 

Whenever we have the privilege to have a mirror thrust to our face to behold some flaws we have always seen but ignore, we should have the social grace to express gratitude to the person holding the mirror. It's a call for an urgent sober reflection instead of a denial or whining and crying about being judged.