You're So Different: OK, But What Makes You Black?

“You’re so different. You’re so articulate. Why do you talk like a white girl? You’re the whitest black girl I know.”

Comments like these beg the question: What makes you black? Is it merely the color of one’s skin? Is it a state of mind? Knowing the lyrics to Cardi B’s songs?

It took me a while to embrace that my blackness was not the stereotype others believed.

In some ways, I am different. I was lucky to be raised in a household where I received all that I needed, with some of what I wanted. My parents encouraged me to spread my wings and move from my native New York to Miami for a job as a prosecutor. Being a black prosecutor was isolating but I found others like me midway through my career.

I lived in a weird juxtaposition—I was a black female attorney, holding down a teaching job on the side, which allowed me some luxuries in life like a nicer car and the ability to travel. I never took it for granted; but in certain circles, I got pushback.

The message? That I “don’t know the struggle.”

Every black person’s struggle takes a different path but has the same theme. In my legal career, the struggle is respect, being heard, and having the ability to make meaningful change to uplift communities of color. The bias looks the same—while some people of color may be hesitant to embrace you because you’re perceived as “bougie,” certain white folks marvel that you can afford a luxury purse or a high-end foreign car without being tied to illegal activity. I was once at an event when a judge joked to me whether or not my Michael Kors purse was a result of dropping cases as a prosecutor.

No lie.

In doing community work, I often had to work harder to gain the credibility of my fellow people of color because I just seemed “so different.” One day, I was picking up a friend who lived in a poorer area of the city. She sent a young niece to let me know she was running late. I told her no problem. The niece went back to my friend and said, “why does she talk like that?”

“Like what, Sweetie?”

“Like a white girl” 

 

I never was great at the code switch—I just was always me. Besides, I had no code to switch from. The result was working doubly hard in every environment.

Finally, I just stopped.

I always bristle when someone says “well s/he’s black, but you know, not really” or “s/he is the whitest black person I know.” Often this is said by a white person, possibly thinking it’s some sort of compliment, along the same lines of “You're just so articulate.”

 
Really? How is that? Because the person doesn’t fit some sort of stereotype? Speak in a certain way? Throw the black power fist in the air for your entertainment?

To me, it’s not just about knowing pop culture or the latest urban wear designer. It’s knowing your history and being authentic to your roots. I’m an African-American woman, born of two immigrant Caribbean parents. If you really want to get down to it—Afro-Caribbean-American. I wear my hair in dreadlocks as a nod to the natural beauty of my own hair texture, not what Hollywood or someone else says is beauty. I can recite every Public Enemy song, but not so much for hip-hop past the year 2000 (I feel the message has been lost—with a few exceptions). I serve my community and humanity at large to the best of my ability. I fight injustice where I can. I see my dark complexion in the mirror and feel proud, strong and beautiful. Being African American presents challenges because of the ignorance of some, but I was given the tools at birth to be a warrior for positive change.

I’m in a place where I believe that the work I do daily reflects my authenticity. The work of fighting for racial equality is too important to get caught up in how I look or sound to others.

This is me.

Courtesy: Melba V. Pearson-Mecham.

African Women, Stay Away from United Arab Emirates.





This is an appeal to every African young woman, especially in Nigeria and, particularly those between 18 and 35. We all know the nation's socio-economic situations are not very encouraging for young people. Many of them just want to "check out" to anywhere in the global community which they consider to be "greener pastures". However, if you wish to go to Dubai or Abu Dhabi, ask yourself a very simple question. Why do you want to travel to the United Arab Emirates? If you want to go and buy clothes, shoes and other things to bring home to sell in Nigeria to make money, ask yourself some other questions.

 

How much is your flight ticket to go and return? How many days do you plan to stay? Where will you lodge? How will you feed yourself for the 5-10 days, you're staying there? Do you have the money required for food and accommodation? Apart from all these expenses, you need at least $2000 to buy the goods you want to buy there and bring to Nigeria to sell. Altogether, your total cost, including flight tickets and accommodation could be AT LEAST $3000 to $5000. If you DO NOT have a minimum of $3000 for the trip, you're advised NOT to embark on the journey.

If you allow yourself to be taken to DUBAI by anyone or a so called Agency, you may end up regretting the day you were born. Nigerian girls in particular (and African ladies in general) now eat oyinbo and Arab faeces or what some call shit. Yoruba's call it "igbe". The Agency will calculate for you all the money they spent bringing you and lodging/feeding you in Dubai. You will eat shit for years and will never be able to pay your debt and regain your freedom. Your passport is seized for years.

It is not encouraged but going into prostitution, "aristo" or whatever you choose to call it in your country and having sex with 30 different men a day is even much better than opening your mouth for one white man or Arab to shit regularly in your mouth and use your tongue to lick the remaining shit in the oyinbo's anus, until the anus is clean. Some crazy, rich Arabs no longer use water or toilet roll to wash their anus when they shit, they look for black girls to come around and suck/lick all the shit off their anus, with their tongues.

 

If you don't have your own money to go to Dubai and return, please DO NOT travel to Dubai. If you allow any "Agency" to take you there promising you some non existent jobs, you are as good as dead. You will eat shit, lick shit and suck shit until you die. The "Agency" has thugs and criminals working for them, and they will force you to do just anything. Please WARN all the desperate girls around you. Those women in Dubai today who tell you they are working are most likely into prostitution or SHIT eating and licking. For just $250, they will lie to you to come through their agency and you go there and get stuck like thousands of girls. 

Seven Things Women Want.

1. A Man with Integrity: Be manly in all that you do. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And by this I do not mean be arrogant or cocky. A man of integrity strikes me as someone who is confident. And well if you’re kind into the bargain well that’s just even more sexy. The definition of integrity itself is “the adherence to moral and ethical principles; the state of being whole and solid.” Lies are never hot. Nor is the omission of the truth via silence. Acting with integrity is pretty simple: Be a good man. And we’ll love you for it. If you can use this goodness to make the world a better place, then we want you all the more. 

2. A Man Who's Present: By this I also mean have some self-awareness; be mindful, strive to make a deeper connection with us. It’s my experience that women who act unnecessarily clingy only do so when they are lacking in attention. That means perhaps you’re not being present with us and we sense it. We are confident women. We don’t need you, we want you because we love you and choose you. But if you’re not present, it causes problems. When you’re in the moment with us everything else fades away. Oh and note to self. A man with presence strikes me as a man who is confident, also. 

3. A Man Who's Complimentary & Considerate: Yes, we confident women have our own self-esteem but we like to hear you say nice, honest things since you’re our man. Tell us what you love about us, specifically. We believe it about ourselves but when someone we love says it, wow, that’s hot. As for considerate, to me that might equal making an effort and trying to be a good listener. We don’t want to be priority all the time but we do want to be referred to sometimes and considered. And did I mention a man who is considerate and sincerely complimentary strikes me as a very confident man? (Did someone turn the heat up in here?) 

4. A Man Who Takes Initiative: [Temperature still rising in here.] You know honestly, we know we can do this (and we can live alone as Amazon warrior women with one breast intact) yet sometimes don’t want to control it all. Initiative is a serious turn-on in a man. Often, the devil is in the details. We don’t care what you take initiative in, whether it be declaring that you will make the dinner reservations, you will take out the garbage, you will pick the concert, just every once in a while we just want to know you’ve got it covered. Grrr. That’s hot. 

5. A Man Who's Passionate: It’s rare to find. Be passionate in something that you do since passion spells everything. We don’t care if it’s politics, football, music, cooking, dogs, billiards or stamp collecting for that matter. That’s irrelevant. When we see you with a commitment, devotion, excitement expressed about something with no restraint then we add two plus two together. If you’re passionate in one area, we know you’ll be passionate in the bedroom. It’s not what society says you should love. It’s not what your friends or family say you should care about. It’s what you, at the deepest and most honest part of yourself, love. We hear it in your voice, the self-assurance, how articulately you speak about this topic and it drives us crazy, in a good way. 

6. A Man Who Expresses Humor & Positivity: We love humor, even if it’s just being able to be witty in response every once in a while. We don’t want a clown all the time, but every so often someone who can laugh is a big deal. I once dated a man and no matter how angry or upset I was I couldn’t stay angry with him for long since he had a great sense of humor. I also dated a man who was serious all the time. Guess which one I preferred? It takes a confident person to be able to use humor in the right way. OH and not forgetting optimism too, that’s always good. Together they are dynamic. Dealing with pessimism all the time becomes exhausting. 

7. A Man Who Knows Himself & Is Himself: Or at least strive to. Now, that, gentlemen is sexy. You don’t have to know everything about yourself (you can still be searching in some areas) but some self-awareness is hot. If you don’t know yourself, it will be hard for us to figure out the real you. Real men I think know what they believe and what they value in advance. Someone with a kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others. You also are in touch with your feelings and you’re not afraid to spend time learning, growing and developing. We don’t care if you’re not exactly where you want to be but we love to see you make this effort. And, note to self, people who know themselves often express vulnerability. And there is absolutely nothing sexier than a vulnerable man.

Courtesy: The Cheat List.

Qualities Women Over-Prioritize in Boyfriends.



Many personality traits look good on paper (or in soap opera characters), but in real life, they can be a little too much to deal with every single day for the rest of your life. On top of that, a lot of women prioritize character traits simply because they believe that’s what the rest of the world looks for, or it’s what they are supposed to want. Ultimately, all that should matter is what you want. Then there is the added element of looking for traits that pertain to how a man interacts in every realm of his life, even when he isn’t with you. There is something to be said for a man who is well-liked and respected, but at the end of the day, if you know he is worthy of love and respect, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Here are character traits women way over-prioritize when looking for a boyfriend.

Charisma/Leadership personality: You know who else has charisma? Charles Manson, cult leader, politicians, philanderers…I’m not saying all charismatic men are selfish and manipulative, but I am saying that those traits only help a man out in the workforce—they have nothing to do with his ability to be loyal, loving and kind to you. 

Well-traveled: Don’t be quick to assume that a man who isn’t well-traveled isn’t cultured. Some people didn’t grow up with the means to travel the world, but they may have still taken every opportunity to study other cultures, attend every international museum, show and book reading, and even taken some foreign language courses. 

Social butterfly: After you’ve been together for a while, you’ll stop going everywhere together, and you will crave slightly separate social lives. Then, it really won’t matter if your partner wants to stay home on some nights. 

Other women want him: This is a rather immature requirement—that other women want your guy. If you are a secure and confident person, you shouldn’t need other women to validate your choice in a man.

Building an empire: Men who build empires are impressive, to be certain. They are also always on the clock, never home for dinner, and probably won’t get to know their children very well. Those are just some things to think about. Ambition comes in all forms, and building an empire may be a form that isn’t suitable for a romantic partner. 

Height: Really? You would write off a guy with whom you were compatible on every other level all because you don’t feel comfortable in heels around him? Look around; plenty of couples consist of shorter men and taller women and nobody cares. 

 

Age: If age will interfere with his desire to have children or do other things that are important to you like traveling the world, then that may be a problem. But if the relationship is running smoothly otherwise, who cares if he doesn’t know about the youngest Kardashian. It’s probably better that way.

Current Wealth: Don’t look for the man who has money today; look for the man who has life skills that will always allow him to build wealth. That man can deal with the highs and lows and unpredictability of life.

 

Great sex: Newsflash: there will come a time when you have sex once a week if even that. At that point, what will really matter is if this person can be your best friend, your partner in crime, and teammate for life. Plus, you can just coach him in the sex department.

Common interests: It really shouldn’t matter if you’ve never even heard of his hobbies nor him yours. What should matter is that he is willing to learn about them and accompany you to them. There are millions of men who are also into Spinlates, but that doesn’t mean you should date them.

Having your friends adore him: You’ll learn this eventually; if your friends simply don’t have a problem with him, you’ve hit the jackpot. A lot of women criticize and dislike their friends’ partners. Finding a man over whom your friends will fawn is rare. Settle for a man who your friends get along with just fine. 

Good dresser: Honestly, men who are really good dressers…there’s just something off about them. They are either too full of themselves or so insecure that they cover it up with nice clothes. Let the guy you date be comfortable in who he is—let him wear the quirky t-shirts. 

Healthy lifestyle: So long as your partner maintains a weight his doctor is happy with and sees the value in some vegetables and gym time, be grateful! You shouldn’t write off a wonderful man because he doesn’t have a personal trainer or protein powder. 

Courtesy: Madamenoire.

Donald Trump and the American Women.

Donald Trump is the very first modern-day American presidential candidate to use profanity on national television without giving a damn. Yet, he got away with it because white American women formed a majority of those that voted for him. And this included those puritanical white women who would usually squirm if such a bad language was used by ordinary folks.  Therefore, the next time those so-called conservative pretenders cringe or cry blue murder whenever a profanity is used on national television or in a public place, they should be told, in no uncertain times, to shut the hell up! By casting their votes for Donald Trump, the multitude of white women had unwittingly given approval for the denigration of women by men. All kinds of ignorant men and especially, those rappers can now begin to have a field day with more misogynistic lyrics and negative attitudes toward women. Talk of sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind.

The so-called fundamental Christians were the biggest jokers all through the campaign. Trump practically "charmed" them with his famous pretenses. The extremists in the Christendom thought he was one of them. To the scammed people, Trump was an exemplary Christ-like "Christian" even in spite of his many ignorant and abusive speeches. How stupid! Were the fundamentalists implying that Jesus was a racist, a misogynist, a demagogue and a thug?

A Woman is Behind Every Successful Man.

A Woman's Biggest Misconception About Men.

“One of the biggest misconceptions that a woman has is that a man has to accept her the way she is. No, we don't. I don't know who told you that. We like the bright and shiny. If you stop wearing the makeup, stop putting on nail polish, stop wearing high heels, you'll lose us.” - Steve Harvey.



 

A Cheating Man’s Weapon of Seduction.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a former colleague who is now newly-employed at one of Delaware’s corporate giants. The young woman was telling me about her new job when she abruptly changed the subject to ask me a question.

“By the way…” she began, looking at me coyly. “Why is it that you’re the only guy I know who says nice things about his wife---and I don’t think you’re a saint?”

Before I could answer, the woman went on to tell me about the way her male colleagues had been bombarding her with considerable attentions, each asking for a date.

“See, I barely get a breathing space…and some of them are married!” she continued to say in amusement. “What I don’t understand is this…why is it that the married guys are so eager to tell me a lot of terrible things about their wives?”

“Hello…” I started to nod my head slowly while smiling. “That’s a cheating man’s cheapest trick of seduction.”

“How…is that the way to get to me…by saying crazy things about their wives?”

“Uh-uh. When a married man wants to cheat, he will often start by launching into self-pity through some sob stories in which his wife’s character will be destroyed.”

“Really? But that’s so ignorant…!”

“Yeah, it is…but that’s how it’s done by players...all over the world.”

A married man, who is about to cheat, will usually start by comparing his marriage to a prison environment, just so as to attract the sympathy of his “prey”. He will expect the woman to start feeling sorry for him. The next stage in the process is to flatter her into thinking that she is the much better alternative he has been searching for, someone like a fresh breath of air. Here, an unwary woman may get carried away by the flattery, so much that she will begin to see herself as a “savior” or “redeemer” to an “emotionally-damaged” man. Before long, she will be trying hard to fit into the prefect-picture-alternative painted by the man. That’s it, he just got her!

Sadly for most women, it takes them too long before they begin to wonder and ask why the man is no longer eager to divorce his wife and marry them---as he had earlier promised. And when the woman persists in asking this question, the man will take it as the much needed opportunity to begin a withdrawal process. He does this by protesting against her “incessant nagging”, and this, to be followed by his desire to end the “affair”. By then, the man must have satisfied his “curiosity”, got his fill of her “cookie” and ready to move on to another sucker!

 

No Man is Ugly Except by Choice!

Are you a young man who feels ugly because some women say so? It’s time you had a rethink because no man is ugly except by choice. In fact, it’s far easier for a man to look handsome than for a woman to look pretty. And how do you do this?

1. Get a good education. It’s the ticket to a good job, a car and a home.


2. Speak and write good grammatical expressions.


3. Identify & explore your natural talents such as sports, music or acting.


4. Dress properly. Even thugs wear suits when they appear in courts.


5. Be very hard-working. And no tardiness!


6. Finally, be patient! Get-rich-quick plans only leads to jail or death.

With the adoption of the above sense of values, you will sooner or later reap the fruits of your labor. And before you know it, many women will begin to find you attractive. If you are in doubt, go ask the following guys who were once called ugly:

1. Elon Musk: Co-founder of PayPal, (Dated beautiful women like Cameron Diaz).


2. Jay Z: Rapper (Married to Beyonce and other women run after him).


3. Kevin Hart: Commedian (Once married a pretty woman and others are after him).


4. Danny Devito Actor (Married to pretty Rhea Perlman).

 

If Only She Knew.

A woman is like a flower,

pretty in exterior design,

fragile in interior decor.

But if only she knew.

Men are out,

Only for her “cookies” 

to eat

like butterflies are out,

only for the nectar  

of unwary flower 

to suck.

But if only she knew.

Love, 

she feels,

at the drop of a hat,

for every face 

that smiles

only for a place

to empty his “trash”.

But if only she knew.

Manscaping, my Foot!

Sometimes ago, I was having my car oil changed at a workshop when a guy sauntered into the waiting room. One thing about him that instantly caught my attention was the whoosh of smell that followed his movement. He was drenched in perfume…and I thought perfume was for women while men used cologne. The second thing about the guy was that he appeared to have just had some make-ups done.  

Shortly afterward, the guy stood up to walk out of the room. As he did so, I could not resist the impulse to stare at him. And as I did this, a woman that sat close by me smiled and shook her head.

“That’s some ‘manscaping’…isn’t it?” she asked me.

“Manscaping?” I asked. “What’s that?”

The woman explained that “manscaping” was used to describe the process where a man would undergo manicure, pedicure, hair styling, facials and a whole lot of stuff that a woman would do. But in conclusion, the woman remarked that the guy overdid it.

Overdid it? That was the biggest understatement of the year! That guy looked more feminine than masculine.

When a man starts applying make-ups and doing all kinds of feminine stuff, what does he expect his wife or woman to do?

Manscaping, my foot!

Marriage: For Better or For Worse?

I was a witness to a real-life drama that happened this morning Tuesday May 29, 2012:

Phone rang and was answered by a woman.

Woman: Hello...

Jeweler (A man's voice): Hello, are you "so and so" that dropped a wedding ring with us for resizing at XYZ Jewelries?

Woman: Yes...is it ready for pick-up?

Jeweler: Yes ma'am! But I have an observation to make, if you don't mind.

Woman: No problem, what's it?

Jeweler: Ma'am...I'm afraid, your wedding ring must have been purchased from some TV informercial.

Woman: What do you mean?

Jeweler: Ma'am, I've been on this job for over twenty years and so, I know a cheap piece of junk when I see one.

Woman: What...are you talking about my wedding ring?

Jeweler: Yes ma'am! That ring should cost nothing more than forty or fifty Dollars....

Woman: No way! Wait...just wait a minute!

The woman dialed another number to make the call a 3-way conversation. And soon her future groom came on the line.

Woman: There is this gentleman from XYZ Jewelries on the line and I want you to hear what he is saying.

Jeweler: Are you the future groom sir?

Man: Yes...what's going on?

Jeweler: You must have purchased the wedding ring from a TV informercial because it's a piece of cheap junk.

Man: Excuse me! What is...

Woman (Interrupts her man rudely): Just wait and let the man talk...he has over twenty years experience as a jeweler.

Jeweler: Yes that's right...I'm an expert on jewelries...

Man: But I knew the ring I bought was not a piece of junk...you must be talking about some other rings.

Jeweler: Sir, I'm talking about the ring you bought.

Man: But...

Woman (Interrupts): No but, Okay! My daddy has spent a lot of money on this wedding.

Man (Sounds embarrassed): Hey baby...

Woman (Interrupts very rudely this time): Just shut it! My daddy spent a lot of money on this wedding. You only had to buy a wedding ring and all you could afford was a piece of junk?

Man: I beg your pardon?

Jeweler: Sir, you should have bought something special...for God's sake this is your fiancee...

Woman (Screams angrily): That's right...a fiancee. Thank God...I'm not yet his wife.

Man: Baby, can you please listen to me?

Woman: There is nothing to listen to...I'm not getting married to a cheap, lousy man who cannot afford to get his future bride a real ring except some piece of cheap junk!

As the woman continued to screams and disrespect her future groom, the so-called jeweler suddenly cut in to say:

Jeweler: Hey, this is Steve Harvey Show...

There was a sudden silence on all sides of the phone.

Woman (Recovers from the shock): Oh, no! No way...

Jeweler (Laughing): Yes...it was your niece (mentioned the name) that arranged for us to give you this prank phone call.

Woman (Showing remorse): Oh my God! Baby, I'm so sorry...

Man: (Said NOTHING!)

Woman: Baby, I'm really sorry...and I'll make it up to you...

END

It's amazing how some marriages are doomed long before they are solemnized. Actually, the future of most marriages are reduced and predicated on the mere weddings that precede them. Therefore, once the weddings are over, the marriages are as good as over. They are a huge joke that brings gross disrepute to the institution of marriage. As for the weddings, almost everyone of them are now like the Titanic, all pricey and flamboyant but without the necessary ingredients that can be used to lay a solid foundation for a marriage.  So, as soon as they take off, they hit the rocks.

The woman in the above drama is definitely more interested in the upcoming wedding than the marriage. She refused blatantly to give her future husband, at least, the benefits of the doubt. She distrusted and flagrantly disown the man's side of the argument against a completely unknown individual that simply described himself as a jeweler. Without being sarcastic or pessimistic, one can easily predict the fate of the couple's upcoming wedding because there is absolutely a lack of values on the part of the future bride.

It was tempting to say it took a mere radio show to show the type of person the woman was. But a deeper thought would indicate that her character traits had always been there with her. It's just that, like a typical man, the future husband must have been temporarily blinded by the "pretty face" and other mundane, superficial attributes to pay attention to the real thing, the sense of values. And usually, with such men, after a few weeks or months into the marriage, they will suddenly start to complain and ask questions about stuff they have known about all along.

Don't you judge me!

"Don't you judge me!" How many times have we made or heard that statement?

According to a popular Yoruba adage, "A person always knows when he or she does something terrible but goes into denial while expecting someone else to tell them." Unfortunately, when such a terrible person does get to meet someone that reveals their character to them, the usual reaction from them is "Don't you judge me!"

Most people will cling on to denial whether they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. There are individuals who are into terribly bad habits that daily threaten to derail their careers, marriages or relationships. Yet, they hate to be told or reminded about these social maladies because of some pride or sheer stubborn attitudes...that is until something in their lives is destroyed.

This was the lesson a woman learned some years back in a very hard way. An American-based friend of mine was in Germany on vacation and one night, his host took him on a night's out. The guys were passing by a red-light district of Berlin when they saw a group of multiracial hookers advertising their bodies by the side of the street. As the two fed their eyes on the barely-clad flesh all around, my friend recognized one of the hookers and the shock made him yell at his host to stop the car. The woman and her husband were resident in Nigeria. So, my friend wondered why the woman was in Germany. When they pulled to a stop, two hookers took that as an invitation to jump into the darkness-filled car. Incidentally, one of the hookers was the identified woman. Irritated by this scenario, my friend's host announced to the women that they were not looking for hookers but that they pulled over for a different reason.

As the women hissed in frustration and tried to step out of the car, my friend suddenly turned on the car's inner light and called the name of the woman. Stunned to see the man, the woman initially started to plead that her secret be kept secret. She admitted that she lied to her husband about a business trip to Europe. But these pleas and explanations did not impress my friend as he confronted the woman for doing something that was not only shameful but also a danger to her husband. Finally, the woman could not take it anymore.

She was said to have flared up in anger, saying "Don't you dare judge me!"

"Judge you?" my friend stared at her in disbelief. "This is no judgement call. All I'm trying to do is tell you something you already know is bad..."

"And so...what's your business in this matter anyway...are you my husband?" the woman asked. "Listen, I dare you to tell my husband...then, we shall see who will come out of this scarred for trying to destroy my home."

With this declaration, the woman stomped off the car.

All through his return trip back to the United States, my friend was in dilemma. Should he inform his friend in Nigeria or keep the secret to himself? He decided to be a good friend by calling his friend in Nigeria.

"Hey buddy..." the other man said as he listened to my friend's story. "It was good you called to tell me...I just saw a picture in which you were talking with my wife in Germany."

"What!" my friend exclaimed in shock. "How did you get that?"

The other man chuckled, saying he had to put a "tail" on his wife as she departed for Europe. This action was the culmination of a negative report that he got the previous time the woman was in Dubai. It was a female relative of the man who saw his wife in a compromised situation in the middle-eastern country. The man's niece tried to call the woman to order about the disgraceful incident. But instead of taking the wise counsel, the woman told her husband's niece to mind her own business and stop judging her.

"As a business woman..." the other man went on to say. "Today, it's Germany, tomorrow, it's Dubai. She has been all over the place on so-called business trips and I never suspected she had been doing something else. So, this time around, I employed someone to follow her and keep a tab on her."

What if my friend had not called to disclose his discovery...how would he have subsequently explained his being "caught" on camera with his best friend's wife?

And as for the woman, if only she had listened the first time! Now, she did not know the horrible reception waiting for her back home in Nigeria where adultery is not only seriously frowned upon but also considered an abomination. 

Whenever we have the privilege to have a mirror thrust to our face to behold some flaws we have always seen but ignore, we should have the social grace to express gratitude to the person holding the mirror. It's a call for an urgent sober reflection instead of a denial or whining and crying about being judged.

Where are the Real Men?

Gone are those days when most men saw the acquisition of education, the subsequent culture of hard work and a strong self-determination as the path to success. With this value-based foundation, laudable careers, solid enterprises and other great accomplishments were solidly established. They did take years to take shape in the societal consciousness. But the invested time and efforts paid off as manifested today in form of colleges, financial institutions, media houses and other establishments built by the baby-boomers and those before them.

Young men of nowadays however, are “a different ball game”. All around me—in neighborhoods, cities and States are too many young men turning their backs on education. In their bids to get rich quick, these young fellows are “putting the carts before their horses”. They drop out of schools with impunity. And by schools, we are talking about mere 7th or 8th grade. Forget a high school diploma…and don’t even think of a college education. But where have all the values gone?

Ask about individual ambitions and all you’ll hear is the desire of these youngsters to sing, act in movies or be sports personalities. While these are not bad aspirations, the problem however lies in the terrible impression among these young men that a foundation in education is not a necessity. They don’t know that for every sports or show-biz personality, there are millions who merely dream or aspire to be one. And there is this salient question; if everyone had chosen to be in show-biz or sports arena, who then would be accountants, medical doctors, lawyers, engineers and teachers?

Ironically, while more and more young men are dropping out of schools, a large number of young women are graduating, not only from high schools but also from colleges. And as these women embark on various enviable careers, the men are either loitering at home or lurking around street corners on a wild goose chase.

Unfortunately, it’s from a pool of men, consisting largely of barely literate, lazy hustlers that highly educated, professional women are expected to date and even marry. This therefore explains the rationale behind the decisions of many women to remain single instead of getting stuck in mismatched relationships. They would more likely do this than having to contend with men of poor intellect, emotional imbalance and inferiority complex.

But under this circumstance, what fate awaits the future generations? What sort of a role model does a man expects to play in the lives of his kids when he can barely spell, read or hold his own in certain environments that call for intellectually-stimulating conversations?