Seven Things Women Want.

1. A Man with Integrity: Be manly in all that you do. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And by this I do not mean be arrogant or cocky. A man of integrity strikes me as someone who is confident. And well if you’re kind into the bargain well that’s just even more sexy. The definition of integrity itself is “the adherence to moral and ethical principles; the state of being whole and solid.” Lies are never hot. Nor is the omission of the truth via silence. Acting with integrity is pretty simple: Be a good man. And we’ll love you for it. If you can use this goodness to make the world a better place, then we want you all the more. 

2. A Man Who's Present: By this I also mean have some self-awareness; be mindful, strive to make a deeper connection with us. It’s my experience that women who act unnecessarily clingy only do so when they are lacking in attention. That means perhaps you’re not being present with us and we sense it. We are confident women. We don’t need you, we want you because we love you and choose you. But if you’re not present, it causes problems. When you’re in the moment with us everything else fades away. Oh and note to self. A man with presence strikes me as a man who is confident, also. 

3. A Man Who's Complimentary & Considerate: Yes, we confident women have our own self-esteem but we like to hear you say nice, honest things since you’re our man. Tell us what you love about us, specifically. We believe it about ourselves but when someone we love says it, wow, that’s hot. As for considerate, to me that might equal making an effort and trying to be a good listener. We don’t want to be priority all the time but we do want to be referred to sometimes and considered. And did I mention a man who is considerate and sincerely complimentary strikes me as a very confident man? (Did someone turn the heat up in here?) 

4. A Man Who Takes Initiative: [Temperature still rising in here.] You know honestly, we know we can do this (and we can live alone as Amazon warrior women with one breast intact) yet sometimes don’t want to control it all. Initiative is a serious turn-on in a man. Often, the devil is in the details. We don’t care what you take initiative in, whether it be declaring that you will make the dinner reservations, you will take out the garbage, you will pick the concert, just every once in a while we just want to know you’ve got it covered. Grrr. That’s hot. 

5. A Man Who's Passionate: It’s rare to find. Be passionate in something that you do since passion spells everything. We don’t care if it’s politics, football, music, cooking, dogs, billiards or stamp collecting for that matter. That’s irrelevant. When we see you with a commitment, devotion, excitement expressed about something with no restraint then we add two plus two together. If you’re passionate in one area, we know you’ll be passionate in the bedroom. It’s not what society says you should love. It’s not what your friends or family say you should care about. It’s what you, at the deepest and most honest part of yourself, love. We hear it in your voice, the self-assurance, how articulately you speak about this topic and it drives us crazy, in a good way. 

6. A Man Who Expresses Humor & Positivity: We love humor, even if it’s just being able to be witty in response every once in a while. We don’t want a clown all the time, but every so often someone who can laugh is a big deal. I once dated a man and no matter how angry or upset I was I couldn’t stay angry with him for long since he had a great sense of humor. I also dated a man who was serious all the time. Guess which one I preferred? It takes a confident person to be able to use humor in the right way. OH and not forgetting optimism too, that’s always good. Together they are dynamic. Dealing with pessimism all the time becomes exhausting. 

7. A Man Who Knows Himself & Is Himself: Or at least strive to. Now, that, gentlemen is sexy. You don’t have to know everything about yourself (you can still be searching in some areas) but some self-awareness is hot. If you don’t know yourself, it will be hard for us to figure out the real you. Real men I think know what they believe and what they value in advance. Someone with a kind of inner calm, self-awareness and forward momentum is almost universally considered sexy and attractive to others. You also are in touch with your feelings and you’re not afraid to spend time learning, growing and developing. We don’t care if you’re not exactly where you want to be but we love to see you make this effort. And, note to self, people who know themselves often express vulnerability. And there is absolutely nothing sexier than a vulnerable man.

Courtesy: The Cheat List.

Qualities Women Over-Prioritize in Boyfriends.



Many personality traits look good on paper (or in soap opera characters), but in real life, they can be a little too much to deal with every single day for the rest of your life. On top of that, a lot of women prioritize character traits simply because they believe that’s what the rest of the world looks for, or it’s what they are supposed to want. Ultimately, all that should matter is what you want. Then there is the added element of looking for traits that pertain to how a man interacts in every realm of his life, even when he isn’t with you. There is something to be said for a man who is well-liked and respected, but at the end of the day, if you know he is worthy of love and respect, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Here are character traits women way over-prioritize when looking for a boyfriend.

Charisma/Leadership personality: You know who else has charisma? Charles Manson, cult leader, politicians, philanderers…I’m not saying all charismatic men are selfish and manipulative, but I am saying that those traits only help a man out in the workforce—they have nothing to do with his ability to be loyal, loving and kind to you. 

Well-traveled: Don’t be quick to assume that a man who isn’t well-traveled isn’t cultured. Some people didn’t grow up with the means to travel the world, but they may have still taken every opportunity to study other cultures, attend every international museum, show and book reading, and even taken some foreign language courses. 

Social butterfly: After you’ve been together for a while, you’ll stop going everywhere together, and you will crave slightly separate social lives. Then, it really won’t matter if your partner wants to stay home on some nights. 

Other women want him: This is a rather immature requirement—that other women want your guy. If you are a secure and confident person, you shouldn’t need other women to validate your choice in a man.

Building an empire: Men who build empires are impressive, to be certain. They are also always on the clock, never home for dinner, and probably won’t get to know their children very well. Those are just some things to think about. Ambition comes in all forms, and building an empire may be a form that isn’t suitable for a romantic partner. 

Height: Really? You would write off a guy with whom you were compatible on every other level all because you don’t feel comfortable in heels around him? Look around; plenty of couples consist of shorter men and taller women and nobody cares. 

 

Age: If age will interfere with his desire to have children or do other things that are important to you like traveling the world, then that may be a problem. But if the relationship is running smoothly otherwise, who cares if he doesn’t know about the youngest Kardashian. It’s probably better that way.

Current Wealth: Don’t look for the man who has money today; look for the man who has life skills that will always allow him to build wealth. That man can deal with the highs and lows and unpredictability of life.

 

Great sex: Newsflash: there will come a time when you have sex once a week if even that. At that point, what will really matter is if this person can be your best friend, your partner in crime, and teammate for life. Plus, you can just coach him in the sex department.

Common interests: It really shouldn’t matter if you’ve never even heard of his hobbies nor him yours. What should matter is that he is willing to learn about them and accompany you to them. There are millions of men who are also into Spinlates, but that doesn’t mean you should date them.

Having your friends adore him: You’ll learn this eventually; if your friends simply don’t have a problem with him, you’ve hit the jackpot. A lot of women criticize and dislike their friends’ partners. Finding a man over whom your friends will fawn is rare. Settle for a man who your friends get along with just fine. 

Good dresser: Honestly, men who are really good dressers…there’s just something off about them. They are either too full of themselves or so insecure that they cover it up with nice clothes. Let the guy you date be comfortable in who he is—let him wear the quirky t-shirts. 

Healthy lifestyle: So long as your partner maintains a weight his doctor is happy with and sees the value in some vegetables and gym time, be grateful! You shouldn’t write off a wonderful man because he doesn’t have a personal trainer or protein powder. 

Courtesy: Madamenoire.

Where Are the Real Black Men?

“You rarely see real black men in America…true black men. Often times, he has to take some of the bass out of his voice or shorten one of his vertebrae. He still has to answer as dependent on someone else for something else.” – Terrence Howard.

What Really is the Matter With Some American Men?

This piece was inspired by a “strawberry letter” written to the Steve Harvey Radio Show this morning.

A man left his southern hometown for a better job prospect in a faraway city. Upon his arrival in the city, he met another man from his hometown who he described as “wonderful” and they began a “relationship”. All the while, the gay lover was still resident in the hometown, making the relationship more of a long-distance affair.

Then came a point in time, when the city man had to travel to his hometown to attend the wedding of a woman who he described as his best friend. Decked in a beautiful wedding gown and grinning from ear to ear was the “lucky” bride. But guess who the groom was? It was the guy who was in a deep gay relationship with the city man.

Shocked beyond words, the city man quietly left the wedding and was now wondering if he should tell his best friend (the bride) that the groom was “On the Down Low”, a term commonly used in describing men who are having sex with women and men. They are like bats. On the one hand, they are running with rats and, on the other hand, they are flying with birds.

Now, I personally don’t care what anyone does with his or her body in the privacy of their lives. After all, this is America, a land of liberty. But it’s grossly unfair for any man, as it is with the guy in this story, to deliberately expose the lives of women to unnecessary health risks that can lead to deaths. Why can’t such men simply make up their minds on what sexual orientation to abide with instead of trying to “eat their cake and have it”?

A lot of men with this “down low” nonsense are exposing their unsuspecting wives or girlfriends to undue grievous physical and emotional hazards. Yet, among these dysfunctional men are professionals (powerfully-dressed guys), celebrities, religious folks and even clergymen. They live a double life. In public, they parade themselves as being “happily” dating or married to women while, secretly, they are having sex with fellow men.

This is a shame!



 

 

 

 

 

A Cheating Man’s Weapon of Seduction.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a former colleague who is now newly-employed at one of Delaware’s corporate giants. The young woman was telling me about her new job when she abruptly changed the subject to ask me a question.

“By the way…” she began, looking at me coyly. “Why is it that you’re the only guy I know who says nice things about his wife---and I don’t think you’re a saint?”

Before I could answer, the woman went on to tell me about the way her male colleagues had been bombarding her with considerable attentions, each asking for a date.

“See, I barely get a breathing space…and some of them are married!” she continued to say in amusement. “What I don’t understand is this…why is it that the married guys are so eager to tell me a lot of terrible things about their wives?”

“Hello…” I started to nod my head slowly while smiling. “That’s a cheating man’s cheapest trick of seduction.”

“How…is that the way to get to me…by saying crazy things about their wives?”

“Uh-uh. When a married man wants to cheat, he will often start by launching into self-pity through some sob stories in which his wife’s character will be destroyed.”

“Really? But that’s so ignorant…!”

“Yeah, it is…but that’s how it’s done by players...all over the world.”

A married man, who is about to cheat, will usually start by comparing his marriage to a prison environment, just so as to attract the sympathy of his “prey”. He will expect the woman to start feeling sorry for him. The next stage in the process is to flatter her into thinking that she is the much better alternative he has been searching for, someone like a fresh breath of air. Here, an unwary woman may get carried away by the flattery, so much that she will begin to see herself as a “savior” or “redeemer” to an “emotionally-damaged” man. Before long, she will be trying hard to fit into the prefect-picture-alternative painted by the man. That’s it, he just got her!

Sadly for most women, it takes them too long before they begin to wonder and ask why the man is no longer eager to divorce his wife and marry them---as he had earlier promised. And when the woman persists in asking this question, the man will take it as the much needed opportunity to begin a withdrawal process. He does this by protesting against her “incessant nagging”, and this, to be followed by his desire to end the “affair”. By then, the man must have satisfied his “curiosity”, got his fill of her “cookie” and ready to move on to another sucker!

 

Waiting for the Husband to Grow Up.

A couple of weeks after their wedding, Tunde Bhadmus had unwittingly resumed the reckless lifestyle of his erstwhile bachelor days.

Every day, he would return home at the “eleventh hour” and with a different excuse per day. It was either an impromptu party he had to attend somewhere or simply that he had to go out with the “boys”.

In spite of these provocative attitude and lifestyle, a very patient Bola (his heavily pregnant wife) would, on each night, welcome the man home without any fuss.

This simple attitude, Tunde noted, was completely different from those of his friend’s wives. Almost every morning in the office, he would listen as his friends exchanged stories on the bitter quarrels and war of words that their wives waged against them for coming home late the previous night. He wondered why his wife never did any of such things to him.



He decided to satisfy his curiosity one night.

On the fateful night, the man had returned home very late as usual.

As Bola, holding on to a pillow that had been her companion all night, was on her way to the bedroom after chanting the “good night” line, he called her.

“Bola, can I have a word with you?”

The young lady stopped in her tracks. Then she turned back to face him with a curious expression.

“I hope there is no problem.”

“No…no problem. I just wanted to ask a question.”

“A question?”

“Yes. I’m just curious. Why is it that you don’t complain?”

“Complain…about what?”

“Come on, Bola…you’ve never complained about my night crawling…why?”

The young lady stared at her husband briefly without uttering a word in response. Then she smiled.

It was a very cold, cynical smile.

“Are you sure you want me to express my opinion on that issue?”

“Why not…go ahead.”

“Okay…I think the problem with young men like you is that you have refused to grow up.”

“What…what’s that supposed to mean, Bola?”

Even as Tunde’s expression turned ugly in reaction to this remark, Bola only shrugged her shoulders with her cold smile.

“Well…I did ask if you wanted me to express my opinion. And I’m just starting.”

“Ah…what else do you have to say after that ridiculous statement?”

“I’ll continue anyway. Unlike what obtains in many Nigerian homes, some of you young men have been privileged to acquire great academic education from some of the best universities in the world. But in spite of your fantastic qualifications, you are dense in attitudes. Absolutely empty…”

A stunned Tunde looked on speechlessly while the young lady continued with her vituperations.

“Look at you, for instance. Your parents sent you to the prestigious Harvard University in America to obtain a great academic education. But unfortunately and manifestly, you still lack the appropriate psychological stamina to cope with the real challenges of life…”

“Hey…now wait a minute!” Tunde interrupted, his eyes blazing red. “This is preposterous.”

“Please let me finish before you make your response. I’m forced to make this speech in the first place because you asked for it…”

“And so damn what?…” he cut in again.

“And so, you’ll have to wait till I’m done, alright?”

For a very few moment, both husband and wife glared at each other until the woman resumed her speech.

“Now, as I was saying…one of the challenges in life is marriage. You claim to be a married man but every evening, you keep talking about going out with the boys…boys? And I keep asking, when is my husband going to become a man…when is he going to grow up?”

She paused briefly on realizing that the man was speechless as he stared at her in utter disbelief.

“I can’t belief this…”  Tunde finally managed to note quietly.

Unimpressed however, the young lady continued with her speech.

“And you thought I would complain…the same way your friends’ wives complain on daily basis…making fools of themselves? No sir! I married you for better, for worse. So, I just have to wait patiently and dutifully for you to grow up.”

She was about to leave but then turned around again.

“And by the way, have a good night, dear.”

With this conclusion, the obviously tired young lady finally turned to walk slowly towards the bedroom.

Stunned and stupefied beyond words, Tunde continued to glare at her contritely as she walked steadily into the bedroom.

“Wow…I guess I’ve got myself a philosopher for wife.”

Although there was to be no more reference to that strange incident, much to Bola’s surprise, Tunde stopped his wayward, boys-about-town activities, right from the following day. And whenever the man felt he had to attend a social function, he would insist that his wife accompanied him.

This is an excerpt from The Price of Ignorance, a literary fiction by Femi Olawole. To buy the book, click on the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Price-Ignorance-Femi-Olawole/dp/0615842968/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407592853&sr=1-1&keywords=the+price+of+ignorance+by+femi+olawole



 

 

If Only She Knew.

A woman is like a flower,

pretty in exterior design,

fragile in interior decor.

But if only she knew.

Men are out,

Only for her “cookies” 

to eat

like butterflies are out,

only for the nectar  

of unwary flower 

to suck.

But if only she knew.

Love, 

she feels,

at the drop of a hat,

for every face 

that smiles

only for a place

to empty his “trash”.

But if only she knew.

Understanding Men.

This morning, I got an e-mail from a young woman and here is an excerpt:

“…there is this question that has been nagging me all my adult life. At the grown age of 26, each relationship I have with a guy has never lasted beyond a few months. Initially, I thought the problem was me. But it has finally dawned on me that I’m not the problem. So, please tell me…what is it that I need to know about men?”

Alright, here is my humble response:

First of all, age does not define a man’s level of emotional maturity. A boy that transforms physically into a grown man may not necessarily mature emotionally. Such a man is described as refusing to grow up. This is why he cannot be expected to maintain a long term relationship or marriage.

Examples of men who are not grown emotionally are those who daily gape at online nude pictures of women. These are the same men that watch porno movies at every opportunity. And these are men in their forties and married. Some of them are church ministers while others are community leaders.

About a decade ago, an older colleague in his late forties wanted me to accompany him to a strip club. I politely told him that I was not interested. When he remarked that I was a prude, I quickly pointed out my reason for declining the offer. The fact of the matter was that by the time I was in my late twenties, I was already done with all types of club-hopping, hard-drinking, and other major “extra-curricula” activities.

This explains my constant irritation each time I see and hear a man in his forties or those within my age-bracket (over fifty) talking childishly about women, clubs and stuff like that. It’s also the main reason why I pity infatuated teenage girls and young women who think the guys in their lives will be available for ever. No sir! The guys are merely using them in the emotional developmental stages that include sexual experimentation.

In few instances where such a man ends up marrying his so-called high school or college "sweet hearts", the marriage will be fraught with abuses and dramas until it eventually ends in separation or divorce.

Women are therefore advised to be patient and wait till the most appropriate time in their lives before starting a relationship. The earlier a woman starts having a relationship, the earlier she gets her heart broken, period!

For the young women who are already being used as specimens by men in their emotional development, this issue is a “fait accompli” (it has happened… it has happened). Such women can only lick their wounds, summon enough courage and run!

When the time is ripe, a man who has already been through the emotional developmental stages and ready to settle down will come running after her. No woman should ever have to run after a man!

Manscaping, my Foot!

Sometimes ago, I was having my car oil changed at a workshop when a guy sauntered into the waiting room. One thing about him that instantly caught my attention was the whoosh of smell that followed his movement. He was drenched in perfume…and I thought perfume was for women while men used cologne. The second thing about the guy was that he appeared to have just had some make-ups done.  

Shortly afterward, the guy stood up to walk out of the room. As he did so, I could not resist the impulse to stare at him. And as I did this, a woman that sat close by me smiled and shook her head.

“That’s some ‘manscaping’…isn’t it?” she asked me.

“Manscaping?” I asked. “What’s that?”

The woman explained that “manscaping” was used to describe the process where a man would undergo manicure, pedicure, hair styling, facials and a whole lot of stuff that a woman would do. But in conclusion, the woman remarked that the guy overdid it.

Overdid it? That was the biggest understatement of the year! That guy looked more feminine than masculine.

When a man starts applying make-ups and doing all kinds of feminine stuff, what does he expect his wife or woman to do?

Manscaping, my foot!

Marriage: For Better or For Worse?

I was a witness to a real-life drama that happened this morning Tuesday May 29, 2012:

Phone rang and was answered by a woman.

Woman: Hello...

Jeweler (A man's voice): Hello, are you "so and so" that dropped a wedding ring with us for resizing at XYZ Jewelries?

Woman: Yes...is it ready for pick-up?

Jeweler: Yes ma'am! But I have an observation to make, if you don't mind.

Woman: No problem, what's it?

Jeweler: Ma'am...I'm afraid, your wedding ring must have been purchased from some TV informercial.

Woman: What do you mean?

Jeweler: Ma'am, I've been on this job for over twenty years and so, I know a cheap piece of junk when I see one.

Woman: What...are you talking about my wedding ring?

Jeweler: Yes ma'am! That ring should cost nothing more than forty or fifty Dollars....

Woman: No way! Wait...just wait a minute!

The woman dialed another number to make the call a 3-way conversation. And soon her future groom came on the line.

Woman: There is this gentleman from XYZ Jewelries on the line and I want you to hear what he is saying.

Jeweler: Are you the future groom sir?

Man: Yes...what's going on?

Jeweler: You must have purchased the wedding ring from a TV informercial because it's a piece of cheap junk.

Man: Excuse me! What is...

Woman (Interrupts her man rudely): Just wait and let the man talk...he has over twenty years experience as a jeweler.

Jeweler: Yes that's right...I'm an expert on jewelries...

Man: But I knew the ring I bought was not a piece of junk...you must be talking about some other rings.

Jeweler: Sir, I'm talking about the ring you bought.

Man: But...

Woman (Interrupts): No but, Okay! My daddy has spent a lot of money on this wedding.

Man (Sounds embarrassed): Hey baby...

Woman (Interrupts very rudely this time): Just shut it! My daddy spent a lot of money on this wedding. You only had to buy a wedding ring and all you could afford was a piece of junk?

Man: I beg your pardon?

Jeweler: Sir, you should have bought something special...for God's sake this is your fiancee...

Woman (Screams angrily): That's right...a fiancee. Thank God...I'm not yet his wife.

Man: Baby, can you please listen to me?

Woman: There is nothing to listen to...I'm not getting married to a cheap, lousy man who cannot afford to get his future bride a real ring except some piece of cheap junk!

As the woman continued to screams and disrespect her future groom, the so-called jeweler suddenly cut in to say:

Jeweler: Hey, this is Steve Harvey Show...

There was a sudden silence on all sides of the phone.

Woman (Recovers from the shock): Oh, no! No way...

Jeweler (Laughing): Yes...it was your niece (mentioned the name) that arranged for us to give you this prank phone call.

Woman (Showing remorse): Oh my God! Baby, I'm so sorry...

Man: (Said NOTHING!)

Woman: Baby, I'm really sorry...and I'll make it up to you...

END

It's amazing how some marriages are doomed long before they are solemnized. Actually, the future of most marriages are reduced and predicated on the mere weddings that precede them. Therefore, once the weddings are over, the marriages are as good as over. They are a huge joke that brings gross disrepute to the institution of marriage. As for the weddings, almost everyone of them are now like the Titanic, all pricey and flamboyant but without the necessary ingredients that can be used to lay a solid foundation for a marriage.  So, as soon as they take off, they hit the rocks.

The woman in the above drama is definitely more interested in the upcoming wedding than the marriage. She refused blatantly to give her future husband, at least, the benefits of the doubt. She distrusted and flagrantly disown the man's side of the argument against a completely unknown individual that simply described himself as a jeweler. Without being sarcastic or pessimistic, one can easily predict the fate of the couple's upcoming wedding because there is absolutely a lack of values on the part of the future bride.

It was tempting to say it took a mere radio show to show the type of person the woman was. But a deeper thought would indicate that her character traits had always been there with her. It's just that, like a typical man, the future husband must have been temporarily blinded by the "pretty face" and other mundane, superficial attributes to pay attention to the real thing, the sense of values. And usually, with such men, after a few weeks or months into the marriage, they will suddenly start to complain and ask questions about stuff they have known about all along.

Don't you judge me!

"Don't you judge me!" How many times have we made or heard that statement?

According to a popular Yoruba adage, "A person always knows when he or she does something terrible but goes into denial while expecting someone else to tell them." Unfortunately, when such a terrible person does get to meet someone that reveals their character to them, the usual reaction from them is "Don't you judge me!"

Most people will cling on to denial whether they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. There are individuals who are into terribly bad habits that daily threaten to derail their careers, marriages or relationships. Yet, they hate to be told or reminded about these social maladies because of some pride or sheer stubborn attitudes...that is until something in their lives is destroyed.

This was the lesson a woman learned some years back in a very hard way. An American-based friend of mine was in Germany on vacation and one night, his host took him on a night's out. The guys were passing by a red-light district of Berlin when they saw a group of multiracial hookers advertising their bodies by the side of the street. As the two fed their eyes on the barely-clad flesh all around, my friend recognized one of the hookers and the shock made him yell at his host to stop the car. The woman and her husband were resident in Nigeria. So, my friend wondered why the woman was in Germany. When they pulled to a stop, two hookers took that as an invitation to jump into the darkness-filled car. Incidentally, one of the hookers was the identified woman. Irritated by this scenario, my friend's host announced to the women that they were not looking for hookers but that they pulled over for a different reason.

As the women hissed in frustration and tried to step out of the car, my friend suddenly turned on the car's inner light and called the name of the woman. Stunned to see the man, the woman initially started to plead that her secret be kept secret. She admitted that she lied to her husband about a business trip to Europe. But these pleas and explanations did not impress my friend as he confronted the woman for doing something that was not only shameful but also a danger to her husband. Finally, the woman could not take it anymore.

She was said to have flared up in anger, saying "Don't you dare judge me!"

"Judge you?" my friend stared at her in disbelief. "This is no judgement call. All I'm trying to do is tell you something you already know is bad..."

"And so...what's your business in this matter anyway...are you my husband?" the woman asked. "Listen, I dare you to tell my husband...then, we shall see who will come out of this scarred for trying to destroy my home."

With this declaration, the woman stomped off the car.

All through his return trip back to the United States, my friend was in dilemma. Should he inform his friend in Nigeria or keep the secret to himself? He decided to be a good friend by calling his friend in Nigeria.

"Hey buddy..." the other man said as he listened to my friend's story. "It was good you called to tell me...I just saw a picture in which you were talking with my wife in Germany."

"What!" my friend exclaimed in shock. "How did you get that?"

The other man chuckled, saying he had to put a "tail" on his wife as she departed for Europe. This action was the culmination of a negative report that he got the previous time the woman was in Dubai. It was a female relative of the man who saw his wife in a compromised situation in the middle-eastern country. The man's niece tried to call the woman to order about the disgraceful incident. But instead of taking the wise counsel, the woman told her husband's niece to mind her own business and stop judging her.

"As a business woman..." the other man went on to say. "Today, it's Germany, tomorrow, it's Dubai. She has been all over the place on so-called business trips and I never suspected she had been doing something else. So, this time around, I employed someone to follow her and keep a tab on her."

What if my friend had not called to disclose his discovery...how would he have subsequently explained his being "caught" on camera with his best friend's wife?

And as for the woman, if only she had listened the first time! Now, she did not know the horrible reception waiting for her back home in Nigeria where adultery is not only seriously frowned upon but also considered an abomination. 

Whenever we have the privilege to have a mirror thrust to our face to behold some flaws we have always seen but ignore, we should have the social grace to express gratitude to the person holding the mirror. It's a call for an urgent sober reflection instead of a denial or whining and crying about being judged.

Where are the Real Men?

Gone are those days when most men saw the acquisition of education, the subsequent culture of hard work and a strong self-determination as the path to success. With this value-based foundation, laudable careers, solid enterprises and other great accomplishments were solidly established. They did take years to take shape in the societal consciousness. But the invested time and efforts paid off as manifested today in form of colleges, financial institutions, media houses and other establishments built by the baby-boomers and those before them.

Young men of nowadays however, are “a different ball game”. All around me—in neighborhoods, cities and States are too many young men turning their backs on education. In their bids to get rich quick, these young fellows are “putting the carts before their horses”. They drop out of schools with impunity. And by schools, we are talking about mere 7th or 8th grade. Forget a high school diploma…and don’t even think of a college education. But where have all the values gone?

Ask about individual ambitions and all you’ll hear is the desire of these youngsters to sing, act in movies or be sports personalities. While these are not bad aspirations, the problem however lies in the terrible impression among these young men that a foundation in education is not a necessity. They don’t know that for every sports or show-biz personality, there are millions who merely dream or aspire to be one. And there is this salient question; if everyone had chosen to be in show-biz or sports arena, who then would be accountants, medical doctors, lawyers, engineers and teachers?

Ironically, while more and more young men are dropping out of schools, a large number of young women are graduating, not only from high schools but also from colleges. And as these women embark on various enviable careers, the men are either loitering at home or lurking around street corners on a wild goose chase.

Unfortunately, it’s from a pool of men, consisting largely of barely literate, lazy hustlers that highly educated, professional women are expected to date and even marry. This therefore explains the rationale behind the decisions of many women to remain single instead of getting stuck in mismatched relationships. They would more likely do this than having to contend with men of poor intellect, emotional imbalance and inferiority complex.

But under this circumstance, what fate awaits the future generations? What sort of a role model does a man expects to play in the lives of his kids when he can barely spell, read or hold his own in certain environments that call for intellectually-stimulating conversations?