Wonderful People.

"The most wonderful people are those

who have known defeat, known suffering,

known struggle, known loss and, above all,

have found their way out of the depths.

These individuals have an appreciation,

a sensitivity, and an understanding of life

that fills them with compassion, gentleness, 

and a deep loving concern. 

Wonderful people don't just happen."

- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

If You Don't Do These 5 Things, Your Marriage Will Not Work, Period.

In our continuing search for great marriages around the world, we journeyed to the beautiful country of New Zealand. Our interviews with happily married couples took us to the cities of Auckland, Wellington, Queenstown, Milford Sound, Wanaka, Arrowtown and Glenorchy. We flew in a twin-engine plane over Milford Sound, rode a boat on gorgeous glacier lakes, drove a Jeep down country roads in search of great marriages throughout New Zealand. 

This research excursion of ours covered nearly 18,000 miles by the time we arrived home. Does jet-lag come to mind? While we interviewed a number of long-time couples in New Zealand (both married and unmarried), there are two that stand out the most. Allow us to share the marriage advice we learned from two sets of lovebirds (both married for over 60 years) — Hank and Hanny, and Harold and Dorothy. 

In interviewing these two couples, we found that their advice for a successful marriage echoed each other! We never cease to be amazed at just how universal marriage advice is, whether from couples in New Zealand or the United States. There is almost a mystical consistency to the messages we hear. 

So, here in a nutshell are the five ingredients of a successful marriage, as shared with us by Hank and Hanny, Harold and Dorothy, and all those other couples we interviewed: 

1. Trust is at the heart of a great marriage: Trust is built over time. In the best marriages, trust grows and is never diminished. There is no cheating, dishonesty or infidelity in great marriages and relationships. And to those who say that you can repair your loving relationship after one partner violates the most basic trust — all we can say is, you risk joining the ranks of those couples who got divorced!

2. A successful marriage is easy to understand ... but difficult to put into practice: Marriage is not for the faint of heart. A successful marriage takes hard work: be kind, show respect, engage in simple acts and loving gestures. In the end, a successful marriage is an accumulation of having done the simple things. Never, ever be lulled into thinking you can take your marriage for granted. Work to make it work everyday of your lives together. 

3. Laugh, don't cry: In marriage, it is always better to laugh a lot than to cry. Nobody ever promised your marriage would be great all the time. All marriages go through trauma and uncertainty. Your relationship is not alone in this. What makes your marriage work is how you react to the tough times — the uncertain times. Sometimes, you just need to laugh a lot! Laughing cleanses the soul. Laughter purifies the relationship between you and your partner. How about more laughter in your lives together? Laughter could make or break your marriage. 

4. Express your love (in small and big gestures): The most successfully married couples tell us this — express love to your mate multiple times during the day in a variety of ways. If you truly love someone you will find many ways to tell them. And there is a corollary — it is not enough to love someone and to express that love. The one you love should also be your best friend. In our travels around the world, we have discovered many simple truths, but most importantly, among these is that the one you love must also be your best friend! 

5. Give and take: In great marriages, you win some and you lose some. Never be obsessed by being right! Frankly, the most important notion you should take from this is that great marriages are characterized by "finding common ground" and "creating common solutions." Share the burden. Don't always feel like you have to find the best solution by yourself. Search for areas of agreement. Great relationships share the decision-making. Being right when you are wrong is not a good solution to any debate. Give a little and take a little. Arrive at the common ground that makes your relationship work.

Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. We took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building A Love That Lasts. Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take this marriage quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own. 

Courtesy: YourTango.

The Need for Self Compassion.

"There is much focus in the teachings of our faiths regarding showing compassion for others. 

Let us not forget, however, to show compassion to ourselves. Is there anyone we are tougher on than ourselves? Is there anyone we judge more harshly than ourselves? Is there anyone we physically and emotionally mistreat more than ourselves? 

It is a healthy thing to be introspective and to recognize the emotions and thoughts we have in each moment. But we must handle those epiphanies with care and compassion - and absent judgment and condemnation.  

There is nothing inherently good or bad about feeling happy, angry, sad, loving, vengeful, compassionate, and so on. They are emotions, nothing more or less. They are normal. Feeling angry is no reason to launch into self-recrimination or for beating yourself up and calling yourself a bad person. 

The thought, the emotion, the feeling - they are not inherently good or bad. How we act upon them, how we treat ourselves and others subsequent to them, is what matters most.  

Be kind to yourself. Be grateful that you have the capacity for self-awareness and the ability to experience any kind of emotion and yet continue to live a mindful and compassionate existence. Bless you." ~ Dharma Beginne.

Davion Only: At Last, A Good Samaritan Cometh!

“My name is Davion and I’ve been in foster care since I was born. I know God hasn’t given up on me, so I’m not giving up either.” - Davion Only.

This was the thought-provoking plea of a 16-year-old teenager whose plea for a family to adopt him went viral on the internet in 2013. The young Davion Only appeared before a Florida church congregation to make the plea after learning that his incarcerated biological mother had died. Prior to the church incident, he had been bouncing between foster homes.

Based on this clarion call, the young man’s foster agency got as many as 10,000 phone calls from people, some of  whom merely wanted to satisfy their curiosity. And when he eventually got accepted by an Ohio church minister’s family, he was soon sent packing after a minor incident. The church minister and his family threw the boy out of their home when he got into fights with one of their kids. I  guess the said minister and his family forgot to realize that this was an emotionally-traumatized young man that needed a lot of love and patience.

In the meantime, Davion had been pleading with his case worker for nearly ten years to adopt him. The woman, on the other hand, thought there could be a better family out there to bring the boy into their home. When none was forthcoming, she finally resolved to adopt him. What a “Good Samaritan” she is!

Connie Going, who will adopt Davion Only later this month, has known him since he was 7. (Photo: Melissa Lyttle/Tampa Bay Times/Zuma Press).

 

 

Humanity Goes Beyond Skin Color.

There is a small shopping center in New Castle, Delaware which harbored only a pet clinic and an African Foods Supermarket.  Yesterday, I had just pulled into the parking lot when my car suddenly screeched to an abrupt halt. The front left tire had dislocated.

While waiting for my insurance company to send a tow truck, vehicles of clients (mostly Caucasians) of the pet clinic and customers (all Africans, especially Nigerians) of the African foods store were pulling into the parking lot. But while each of the white people stepped out of their vehicles to approach me to show compassion, my fellow Africans were frowning their faces at me. Before long, their ugly attitudes turned into rude verbal outbursts such as “Hey…this car is disturbing the free flow of traffic…” to loud orders such as “You’ve got to get this car out of here now…”

Some of these outbursts were even delivered in my Yoruba language while all my explanations fell on deaf ears. Incidentally, my car was only parked awkwardly but it was not blocking the road. The drama soon assumed a new dimension when some of the white people in the pet clinic stepped out to confront them.

“You guys are so rude!” one white man yelled. “Is it this guy’s fault that his car became disabled?”

“Disabled…disabled as how?” some Africans, most likely Nigerians asked in ignorance.

“Okay…” a white woman screamed at them. “Can’t you ‘frigging’ see the twisted tire of the car?’

Another white woman added. “Maybe they are all vision-impaired?”

I could only shake my head in embarrassment. Finally, and much to my relief, the tow truck arrived. And while my folks stared sheepishly, a couple of white people came around, offering to assist the tow truck driver in loading my car.

I have always refused to see humanity in colors but objectivity. Yesterday, I was greatly vindicated.

Angelina Jolie: Dares to be Different.

According to news report, Angelina Jolie was, penultimate Friday at Buckingham Palace, made an honorary Dame in the list of recipients issued to mark the British Queen Elizabeth's birthday. The title recognizes Jolie's work in founding of the Preventing Sexual Violence Initiative (PSVI) and the contribution she has made toward the British foreign policy objective of ending sexual violence in conflict.



The actress and humanitarian, 39, had a private audience with the Queen, 88, who presented her with the physical symbol of her recently bestowed title of honorary Dame – the Insignia of an Honorary Dame Grand Cross of the Most Distinguished Order of St. Michael and St. George.



I have a whole lot of respects for this lady. She is just one of the very few Hollywood celebrities that I care about. Majority of them can only attract a sneer from me. Yet, this has nothing whatsoever to do with her works as an actress, her beauty or her fashion. Rather, I cherish the fact that she dares to be different. Most of the Hollywood people, and especially the women, are often too busy idolizing their bodies, parading intimate body parts or getting involved in one scandalous issue or the other. And while these silly stuff are being pasted on pages of gossip magazines and all over the internet, Angelina Jolie is somewhere in a remote corner of the world doing some humanitarian works.

 

 

 

The Many Phases of Life.

“How far you go in life depends on

your being tender with the young,

compassionate with the aged,

sympathetic with the striving

and tolerant of the weak

and strong.

Because someday in your life,

you will have been all of these.”

George Washington Carver.

 

 

Simplicity, Patience and Compassion.

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.

Patient with both friends and enemies,

you accord with the way things are.

Compassionate toward yourself,

you reconcile all beings in the world.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching.

The Spiritual Implications of Forgiveness.

Nothing is as difficult a feat to achieve

as an act of forgiveness.

But for those who are privileged to acquire it,

a forgiving spirit has no rival in freeing a soul

from an emotional bondage.

And it usually comes with a bonus;

ushering an infinite upsurge of relief

that refreshes both body and soul.

 

 

The Lowest Among Human Species.

A 23-year-old mother was killed and her two kids suffered injuries in an auto accident (pictured above courtesy ABC.com) that happened on Wednesday in Houston, TX.

The young woman, according to news reports, had failed to obey a “Yield” sign when she was leaving a private drive around 5 p.m. Consequently, she lost control of her Toyota 4-Runner and hit a tree after a Mercedes E320 traveling northbound at 9600 Fondren Road clipped her. Police said she was travelling at a high speed.

Her two sons, ages 4 and 6, were in the backseat and were transferred to a hospital with broken bones but no life-threatening injuries.

But as if these were not enough tragedies, witnesses told Houston Police that the first set of people to arrive at the scene were the lowest among the human species.

One group chose that grievous moment to take pictures, apparently for subsequent posting on their social media sites. And the other group proceeded to steal groceries out of the dead woman's SUV.