To Succeed in Life.

“To laugh often and much; 

to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and to endure the betrayal of false friends. 

To appreciate beauty; 

to find the best in others; 

to leave the world a bit better 

whether by a healthy child, 

a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

to know that even one life has breathed easier 

because you have lived. 

Then, you have succeeded in life.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson.



To Succeed in Life.

“To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and to endure the betrayal of false friends.

To appreciate beauty;

to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

to know that even one life

has breathed easier

because you have lived.

Then, you have succeeded in life.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Recognizing Hardworking Employees.

Hardworking employees are often modest. It's the responsibility of management to identify, recognize and reward them.

Some companies are so myopic in their corporate focus that while in the process of restructuring their organizations, it's their very best employees they lay off unwittingly. And, most times, it's because hard-working employees usually don't brag. Rather, they go about their works quietly. And so, for some companies, it's after the terrible deed has been done that they realize their errors.  

To those who remember, in the film Office Space, the guy who did 15 minutes of work every week was allowed to stay while his two hard-working colleagues got the ax.

Hard-workers tend to be modest ones. Hard work comes with soft talk. Sadly ironical though, they often get thrown out in most corporate restructurings. It's the lazy noisemakers that survive most corporate purges.

It's no wonder therefore that a Scottish proverb says - "The empty barrel makes the most noise." 

It takes a savvy manager and, especially one with great leadership skill to recognize such hard-working employees, and then reward them.

It is actually not that difficult though, because hard-work comes in a package with other great qualities such as the following: 

Self-motivation.

Self-direction.

Positive attitude.

Modesty and, of course,

Results. 

"95% of my results have been simply hard-work." Thomas Edison (America's greatest inventor).

8 Things You Have to Give up to be Successful.

Becoming a millionaire is no easy feat. It takes discipline, focus, and a set of core values that guide you around the emotions and stress of daily combat. It's all too easy to get sidetracked by the latest new strategy for success — like social media or digital marketing or sales automation. You find yourself chasing tactics one after another, hoping that you will eventually get rich with one of them. 

When one doesn't work, you throw it away, quickly adopting another new tactic. As you repeat that cycle, the idea of becoming a millionaire becomes blurry. What used to be very clear now seems frantically out of reach. One thing successful people know is that getting ahead is as much about what you do as what you don't do. Here are eight things you have to give up to achieve success.

1. Not taking responsibility for your actions: In any area of your life, what you do has consequences. Sometimes those are good. Other times you are left with regrets. Actions have results. That's a universal truth. It never changes. You will always get the results deserved by the activity that you're doing. You might not like those results, but you'll always get them. Which is a good thing. You need to believe that what you do can make a difference. Hard work matters. A kind word matters. Honesty matters. Candor, personal responsibility, and fairness — they all matter. Because the lifestyle you lead is what ultimately determines how rich and successful you become. Make sure you're doing the right things. 

2. Being a know-it-all: Don't be that person that cuts everyone off mid-sentence. Listen to people. Don't interrupt your employees or your customers. Don't roll your eyes and stomp your feet while you wait for the person who is talking to stop. That's selfish and shortsighted. And besides coming off as completely arrogant, you are missing out on important lessons by acting that way. Let's be honest, a lot of things you hear are unimportant: facts you already know, or criticism that is hurtful and unusable. But if you can listen long enough you'll hear some really important information that will help you succeed. Listen for those moments. Ignore everything else. 

3. Whining: Stop complaining. Stop being the person who has to help "keep everyone else's feet on the ground." That's just an excuse for you to whine and mope and be unnecessarily negative. No one likes a whiner. That's just the truth. It impacts more than the people around you at the time of your whining. It directly impacts who you hire and how you manage your teams. If you whine, your people will whine. And the last thing you need when you're trying to win is an army of wimps and whiners. So stop.

4. Expecting life to be fair: Stop pretending like you're the only one who has bad, unexpected circumstances happen to them. Everyone lives in the same sometimes-erratic universe. You didn't get it any worse than anyone else. Enough already with the theatrics. Rich people don't get that way by sulking. A lot of things that we like to call "unfair" are really outcomes of the decisions that we have made in the past. We make risky decisions and then cry "unfair" when our gamble doesn't turn out with us hitting the jackpot. That's unfortunate because there is a valuable lesson that could be learned if we stopped pouting and started listening. 

5. Following the crowd: Idiots do stupid things. Sometimes a lot of idiots do the same thing together. And you can feel like there are so many people doing something that you are missing out if you are not doing it too. The only thing you are missing out on are the results of idiot behavior. But it's not always that extreme. Many times your industry is heading is a good direction and it feels safe to follow the leader. But instead of achieving greatness you get the "success left-overs" of everyone else in your industry who gets to the finish line first. Take the time to go your own way. Have an idea of your own. Dedicate yourself to pursuing your own brand of greatness. 

6. Burying your head in the sand: Success doesn't mean that you need to be perfect, or anything close. You just need to be honest about those mistakes and learn from the results that you achieve. It does you no good to pretend like you're more successful that you really are. It stops you from doing the things that would help you achieve your goals. Becoming a millionaire isn't about having one giant brilliant idea and executing it. It's about taking tiny steps forward continuously. When you're right, you keep moving. When you're wrong, you change course and keep moving. Mistakes lead you towards success.

7. Blaming others for your mistakes: This is likely the most important lesson that you need to learn. You are going to make many mistakes if you attempt anything remarkable. You are going to hurt people, create disappointment and cause confusion and chaos. The best way to make these right is to apologize. The best way to apologize is simply to say, "I'm sorry." No excuses. No drawn-out reasons. Just powerful words and an attitude of sincerity. And when you do, the results are mind-blowing. You solve problems faster, win the confidence of your clients better and make yourself more accessible to everyone around you. 

8. Immaturity: You need to be tough if you're going to win at life. That means you're going to get kicked in the teeth when you least expect it and need to get back up on your feet. That's why you need to grow up. Instead of getting offended, insulted, or misunderstood, you need to focus on the "real dramas." You'll know them when you see them. Whining and complaining aren't what big kids do. Part of growing up involves learning from your mistakes, being more mature and getting better at making decisions. If you can't say that you are making better decisions and learning better lessons, then you know that you need to grow up. And fast. Remember, being successful isn't always about advanced analysis. It is about the core values you let guide your day-to-day decisions.

 

Courtesy: Dan Waldschmidt.

The 10 Biggest Fears Holding You Back From Success.



If you've ever been afraid of failing, it's time to get over it. That's according to Adam Smith, whose new book, "The Bravest You: 5 Steps to Fight Your Biggest Fears, Find Your Passion and Unlock Your Extraordinary Life," comes out May 30. Smith, a life coach and motivational speaker, writes that there are 10 fears that hold people back from achieving their full potential. "At some point — present or past — fear has torn us all away from some significant accomplishment or victory," he begins. 

"You can probably think back to a moment in life where you avoided it, suppressed it or hid it. If your experience is anything like mine, I know that none of these reactions helped you achieve anything." 

Instead, Smith says to tackle your anxieties with confidence. "You don't have to keep running from fear," he explains. "In fact, there's a way to overcome and eradicate each and every fear you face."

1. The fear of inadequacy: Smith writes that the first thing people fear is not being skilled enough. But there's a solution: "Once you admit that you are experiencing the fear of inadequacy, understanding is on its way… "When you understand what your important role is in carrying out your pursuits," he adds, "you will begin to see what you need to do when first stepping out to tackle your fear of inadequacy."

2. The fear of uncertainty: The second fear is being afraid of the unknown. But there's a fix to this holding you back as well, Smith writes. "Anticipating what will happen in the future is a strength that can be developed, and it will help you take the first step when you experience the fear of uncertainty…And vision is what will keep you moving forward regardless of your fears. In whatever you do, anticipation and vision are both necessary ingredients to fight the fear of uncertainty." he explains.

3. The fear of failure: This fear marks another reason why some fail to succeed. "My life didn't go exactly as planned and I'm sure yours hasn't either," explains Smith. "Even if you have already built a plan for your life, you can't see the future. You can try to predict it all you want, but there are just some things outside of your control…That said, it's a great practice to identify the things you can control in your bravery journey and to focus on them. This will allow you to stop focusing on the life happenings you have no control over." 

4. The fear of rejection: Fear of rejection is another common issue people face in life. "If we devote every ounce of passion to our lives, then we are living life in the way it was meant to be live," according to Smith. "Yes, rejection will come, even when we find passion and put in the work, but we should be most satisfied with giving life our all."

5. The fear of missing out: Missing out, popularized online as "FOMO," is another fear Smith pinpoints as crippling to a person's success. "You can tell if you are fearful of missing out if you are constantly wishing that you are somewhere other than where you are right now," he explains. "The fear of missing out is a distraction from forming lasting relationships, because it keeps you focused on what every other person in the world is doing, rather than on the people right in front of you."

The author's solution: "Instead of letting your fear of missing out put your focus on every other place in the world besides where you are right now, you can fight this fear by slowing down and focusing on the people you come in contact with every single day."

 

6. The fear of change: Fear of change is common, but Smith writes we must learn to be content with life's shifts "if we are to find inner peace and passion even when everything else is changing."

 

He adds, "Worrying about change ahead does nothing but rob us of the present joy we could and should be experiencing. Yes, life is ever-evolving, so we do need to prepare for the future, but this should also remind us of the need to take life as it comes, one day at a time." 

The fear of losing control: This fear is a little more complicated, according to Smith. It can be helpful, but only in moderation.

 

"Honestly, I like being in control when I can be, and I do believe that there are key areas of life that we can and should control, like our schedules, our self-perception and the words we speak," he writes. "But as good as controlling our lives sounds, there are some things in life that are outside our control."

 

8. The fear of being judged: In the office, it's common to grow weary of the feeling of judgement from peers or managers.

 

"Feeling vulnerable, or available for attack from others, is the main reason people won't open up in the first place," explains the author. "In a true community, people aren't vulnerable. They're open, because people in a real community aren't out to attack others in their community, but to support them."

 

Instead of being afraid about what others think, Smith says to "embrace your personal story, because that is what makes you unique, and share it within your community." He continues, "In fact, strive to create community wherever you are, and build confidence in yourself and the people around you while you're at it."

9. The fear of something bad happening: Another fear outside of a person's control, Smith writes: "Yes, tragedy comes, and nothing I say will ever diminish its magnitude, but even more powerful is the experience of restoration — the mountaintop after the experience of tragedy."

 

He adds, "If you are in the midst of tragedy, remember that restoration will eventually come. The anxiety that comes from worry doesn't bring success into your life any faster. Fear be still, bravery come near."

10. The fear of getting hurt: The last fear Smith highlights is being hurt: "The best way to fight the fear of getting hurt is to do life together and to get to know one another on deeper levels. Some will argue that building close relationships with others can only leave you hurt in the end, but living life without relationships sounds much more hurtful than never experiencing the beauty found in relationships."

Smith concludes, "Fear is the number one obstacle you will face in life: The most difficult challenge you will ever be put to and the most important one to overcome."

Through these solutions, though, he's confident that anyone can fight these roadblocks to achieving success: "I have no fear and no doubt that you can do it. And the best part is that you now have everything you need to be the bravest you."

Courtesy: Benjamin Snyder.



For a Better Quality of Life.



Whether it's having a more successful business, a healthier body, a stronger relationship or all of the above, people are always on the lookout for ways to improve. The good news is everyone has the power to create a better quality of life, says author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins, speaking recently at Oprah Winfrey's SuperSoul Sessions. The key is answering these three questions:

What are you going to focus on?: People tend to focus more on what's missing from their lives, says Robbins. That's not always a bad thing – it's important when you want to make a change, he explains, "but when you do it as an ongoing pattern, how are you going to feel when you're always focusing on what's missing from your life? Awful. "When you're in an awful state, do you feel like changing things? No, it sucks the energy out of you," says Robbins. "If you focus on what you don't have, it's very hard to succeed." Instead, become clear about what you want and get obsessed with it, because that combination of emotion and vision is what will drive you. "We need to get laser focused on what it is we really want," he advises. "Having a clear result or outcome and consistently focusing on it immediately changes your behavior, giving you the momentum" to achieve. 

What meaning are you going to give things?: "The meaning you give events, interactions and outcomes determines how you feel," explains Robbins. "By creating a ladder of positive and empowering meanings, you effectively change the direction of your life and provide yourself rational, proven reasons your success will continue."

What are you going to do?: "Knowledge is not power, it's potential power," says Robbins during SuperSoul Sessions. "Execution trumps knowledge every day of the week."

Most people get inspired to make a change, then end up doing nothing about it.

Robbins says the smartest thing he does is refuse to "learn something or make a decision about something valuable without making myself do something in the moment that commits me to follow through."

Everyone who wants change should do the same, Robbins says, whether that's scheduling a meeting or telling someone else what you're committing to, because if you hesitate, a million distractions will come up and you'll lose your momentum.





Courtesy: Oprah Winfrey's SuperSoul Sessions.

If You Don't Do These 5 Things, Your Marriage Will Not Work, Period.

In our continuing search for great marriages around the world, we journeyed to the beautiful country of New Zealand. Our interviews with happily married couples took us to the cities of Auckland, Wellington, Queenstown, Milford Sound, Wanaka, Arrowtown and Glenorchy. We flew in a twin-engine plane over Milford Sound, rode a boat on gorgeous glacier lakes, drove a Jeep down country roads in search of great marriages throughout New Zealand. 

This research excursion of ours covered nearly 18,000 miles by the time we arrived home. Does jet-lag come to mind? While we interviewed a number of long-time couples in New Zealand (both married and unmarried), there are two that stand out the most. Allow us to share the marriage advice we learned from two sets of lovebirds (both married for over 60 years) — Hank and Hanny, and Harold and Dorothy. 

In interviewing these two couples, we found that their advice for a successful marriage echoed each other! We never cease to be amazed at just how universal marriage advice is, whether from couples in New Zealand or the United States. There is almost a mystical consistency to the messages we hear. 

So, here in a nutshell are the five ingredients of a successful marriage, as shared with us by Hank and Hanny, Harold and Dorothy, and all those other couples we interviewed: 

1. Trust is at the heart of a great marriage: Trust is built over time. In the best marriages, trust grows and is never diminished. There is no cheating, dishonesty or infidelity in great marriages and relationships. And to those who say that you can repair your loving relationship after one partner violates the most basic trust — all we can say is, you risk joining the ranks of those couples who got divorced!

2. A successful marriage is easy to understand ... but difficult to put into practice: Marriage is not for the faint of heart. A successful marriage takes hard work: be kind, show respect, engage in simple acts and loving gestures. In the end, a successful marriage is an accumulation of having done the simple things. Never, ever be lulled into thinking you can take your marriage for granted. Work to make it work everyday of your lives together. 

3. Laugh, don't cry: In marriage, it is always better to laugh a lot than to cry. Nobody ever promised your marriage would be great all the time. All marriages go through trauma and uncertainty. Your relationship is not alone in this. What makes your marriage work is how you react to the tough times — the uncertain times. Sometimes, you just need to laugh a lot! Laughing cleanses the soul. Laughter purifies the relationship between you and your partner. How about more laughter in your lives together? Laughter could make or break your marriage. 

4. Express your love (in small and big gestures): The most successfully married couples tell us this — express love to your mate multiple times during the day in a variety of ways. If you truly love someone you will find many ways to tell them. And there is a corollary — it is not enough to love someone and to express that love. The one you love should also be your best friend. In our travels around the world, we have discovered many simple truths, but most importantly, among these is that the one you love must also be your best friend! 

5. Give and take: In great marriages, you win some and you lose some. Never be obsessed by being right! Frankly, the most important notion you should take from this is that great marriages are characterized by "finding common ground" and "creating common solutions." Share the burden. Don't always feel like you have to find the best solution by yourself. Search for areas of agreement. Great relationships share the decision-making. Being right when you are wrong is not a good solution to any debate. Give a little and take a little. Arrive at the common ground that makes your relationship work.

Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. We took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building A Love That Lasts. Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take this marriage quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own. 

Courtesy: YourTango.

Realistic Secrets of Success.

This morning, I got an e-mail from a self-described well-educated, young urban professional who would like to build on his current great life’s foundation. He wanted my “blunt” opinion on what I believed to constitute the secrets of success in life. And he suggested that I posted the opinion on my blog so that others, like him, could also benefit.

In my humble opinion and in a nutshell, success in life entails either one or both of two factors. On the one hand, success can come from destiny. That is why some individuals (in spite of little efforts on their parts) are leading successful lives. By some divine reasons, they are always at the right place, at the right time. And, on the other hand, success can arise as the product of a great personal strategic plan. In most cases, this comprises of a good education, dedication and hard work.

In addition, success from either or both of these two factors can be accelerated and strengthened. To do this, all you have to do is surround yourself with successful or potentially-successful people. They will be the wind beneath your wings. The saying about birds of the same feathers flocking together (for good or for bad) can easily be applied here. It is your responsibility, as an individual, to painstakingly choose friends who inspire, motivate or challenge you to rise above your potentials. If the majority of your friends are people whose life history is all about failures in relationships, marriages, careers, finances, social graces and other life’s accomplishments, you are in trouble. You’ll be like the victim of a capsized boat who struggles to swim above water while some haters, out of spite, keep pulling him/her down. In your pursuit of success, frustrated and miserable friends or associates can never be happy for you. And it does not matter if their faces are constantly plastered with smiles each time they see you. So, here is the bottom-line: Choose your friends wisely if you want to be successful in life!

Oprah in Her Own Words.

A Woman is Behind Every Successful Man.

Chances of Success.

The Hunger to Become Somebody.

Many, including some fans of Aerosmith, don’t know the history and the motivation behind the song, “Dream On”. It was written in 1969 by Steve Tyler, long before the formation of Aerosmith. Always dreaming of the day he would make it big in the music industry, Tyler wrote the song as a personal affirmation that success was a matter of time for him.

As he and the Aerosmith’s band mates continued to tour and toil in the early 1970s, Tyler never lost his sheer determination to succeed and (in his own words) “the hunger to become somebody…” The “hunger” ultimately drove the songwriter/lead singer to suggest to his band mates, the re-release of the song, “Dream On” in 1976.  The song rose instantly to number 6 and became the band’s first major single and the biggest hit so far. Steve Tyler has since become “somebody” in the music industry and the rest is now history.

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An Advice from Michelle Obama to her Younger Self.

“Understand that no one (especially folks who are truly successful) simply coasts from achievement to achievement. The most accomplished people in the world fail and fail big. That’s how they learn so much and grow so quickly and become so interesting and wise. In short, stop trying to be someone who will impress everyone else, and just focus on being and becoming fully, sincerely and passionately yourself.”

– Michelle Obama (Excerpt from People Magazine).

I Miss My Girl.

My father used to say; “To a parent, a child will always be a child, no matter how much the child has grown.”



Back then, when Ifeoluwa (above) was in  Queens' College, a high school with boarding facility, I was stressing on how she would cope with all those strict  school prefects and “senior” students because of her very young age and fragile frame.

As a college undergraduate (below) my fear was how she would “survive” in the midst of the much older, “street-wise” students on campus.



Now the young lady is all grown and matured with established personal principles…

Shouldn’t a parent calm down and relax? Not me!

Since she relocated to Washington DC last weekend (see the following pictures) to start a new life as a graduate student, I can’t help feeling “somehow” because…I miss my girl…and a lot more than I did during her past academic pursuits.



From left (above) Titilola (my wonderful wife) Me and my girl, Ifeoluwa.



From right (above) Ifeoluwa, Ebunoluwa (a.ka. last born) and Titilola (the proud mom).

 

 

 

No Man is Ugly Except by Choice!

Are you a young man who feels ugly because some women say so? It’s time you had a rethink because no man is ugly except by choice. In fact, it’s far easier for a man to look handsome than for a woman to look pretty. And how do you do this?

1. Get a good education. It’s the ticket to a good job, a car and a home.


2. Speak and write good grammatical expressions.


3. Identify & explore your natural talents such as sports, music or acting.


4. Dress properly. Even thugs wear suits when they appear in courts.


5. Be very hard-working. And no tardiness!


6. Finally, be patient! Get-rich-quick plans only leads to jail or death.

With the adoption of the above sense of values, you will sooner or later reap the fruits of your labor. And before you know it, many women will begin to find you attractive. If you are in doubt, go ask the following guys who were once called ugly:

1. Elon Musk: Co-founder of PayPal, (Dated beautiful women like Cameron Diaz).


2. Jay Z: Rapper (Married to Beyonce and other women run after him).


3. Kevin Hart: Commedian (Once married a pretty woman and others are after him).


4. Danny Devito Actor (Married to pretty Rhea Perlman).

 

Being Visionary is Lofty.

“The word, visionary, is lofty but overused.

Somewhat abused. There are a few people who can really see something

that doesn’t exist…create it…explain it…and get others to follow.” – Jenna Lyons.



 

The Ugly Face of Human Nature.

Sooner or later, a point in your life will come when good news will be your portion.

There will be promotions at work, accolades from appreciative quarters and success in every endeavor.

Your spouse and kids will be doing great to make you proud and accomplished.

In essence, you’ll get a lot of wonderful things going on in your life and for which you’ll be eternally grateful to God.

At this same point however, you will have to be wary of one very important factor.

Simply put, NOT everyone will be happy for you…NOT even within your immediate family, relations and environments!

Your success, happiness and sense of fulfillment will actually make some people sick and hateful toward you!

So what do you do?

Hold your head high, don't ever feel guilty for your great fortune; you earn and deserve every bit of it!

Rather, tell every hater to go jump into the nearest river or lake…whichever one is closer!

Success is all About the "Extra".

If success was easy, everyone would attain it.
The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary
is the word "extra".
With ordinary effort, you get ordinary result
but with extra-ordinary effort, you get extra-ordinary result. 
To merely exist is the easiest thing in life
but to live requires going the extra mile.
To "toil hard" on a job brings raises and promotions
but to "toil extra hard" is to realize the dreams of being
a business owner.
---Femi Olawole.