The Celebration of a Quintessential Lady.

Titilola, iyawo mi atata, Iyalode (1st Class):

On this joyful occasion of your birthday, I pray that God grants all the good desires of your heart. You have earned the rare distinction of being a quintessential lady, wife, lover, mother, advisor and confidant…all rolled into one.

Happy birthday! Many happy returns of the day, Long life and Prosperity. I LOVE YOU.

 

 

 

 

Who is The Biggest Liar, Men or Women?

Men lie all the time…but women are the biggest liars.

You get on heels…you’re not that tall.

You get on make-up…your face is not that fine.

You get wig…your hair is not that long.

You’ve got a wonder bra…your tits aren’t that big.

Everything about you is a lie.

And you expect me to tell the truth…F@#$ you!

- Chris Rock.

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No Good Deed Goes "Unrewarded".

It was one February morning during the harsh winter of 2003. As a supervisor, I was showing a new staff around the job place when we stepped briefly into the front of the building.

“Oh my God!” the woman suddenly exclaimed while pointing at a car on the street. “My car is all covered up in snow…”

Expressing my sympathy, I promised to get a permit for her to pull the car into the staff parking lot. But first of all, the frozen snow had to be taken off the windscreen. Getting too concerned with the woman’s plight, I told her not to worry. Dashing back into the building, I went into a nearby kitchen, got a bucket-full of hot water and walked toward the car.



I emptied the hot water on the windscreen and saw the snow melt. But as the woman began to thank me, we both heard a strange, crackling sound. Alas, the windscreen had cracked sharply from the impact of the hot water.

The same woman now glared at me in obvious anger, “Excuse me sir…you’ve broken my windscreen…”

“Oh my God…” I muttered in shock. “I am so sorry…”

“Yeah…” the woman continued to glare at me. “I…I guess you’ll have to get me another windscreen.”

I was dumbfounded.

 

 

 

 

In a Lighter mood

A man is drinking with his wife when out of the blue, he announces;

"I love you."

The woman stares at her husband with a grateful smile.

"But...is that you or your beer talking?" she wonders aloud.

"It's me." the man answered calmly. "And I'm actually talking to my beer." 

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Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up to address
the congregation.

"I remember the day I earned my first dollar." he stated with confidence. "That night,
I went to a church meeting and the preacher told us about his missionary work.
I had only that single dollar bill, and I had to make a decision. Should I contribute
the dollar to his worthy cause or keep it. So, I gave him the money.
I believe that God blessed my decision and that is why I am a millionaire today."

As he sat down and before anyone could applaud, a woman shouted.

"And I dare you to do it again now!"


*********************************************************************************************

A stark-naked woman jumps into a taxi and gives the cabbie an address.
The cabbie just looks at her, making no attempt to drive.

"What are you staring at?' the woman asks with a blush. "Haven't you seen
a naked woman before?"

"I'm not staring at you." the cabbie replies.

"Okay...so, if you're not staring, what are you doing?" the woman asks again.

"I'm just wondering..." the cabbie answered, looking at her all over.
"...wondering where you're keeping the money to pay me when we arrive
your destination?"