Realistic Secrets of Success.

This morning, I got an e-mail from a self-described well-educated, young urban professional who would like to build on his current great life’s foundation. He wanted my “blunt” opinion on what I believed to constitute the secrets of success in life. And he suggested that I posted the opinion on my blog so that others, like him, could also benefit.

In my humble opinion and in a nutshell, success in life entails either one or both of two factors. On the one hand, success can come from destiny. That is why some individuals (in spite of little efforts on their parts) are leading successful lives. By some divine reasons, they are always at the right place, at the right time. And, on the other hand, success can arise as the product of a great personal strategic plan. In most cases, this comprises of a good education, dedication and hard work.

In addition, success from either or both of these two factors can be accelerated and strengthened. To do this, all you have to do is surround yourself with successful or potentially-successful people. They will be the wind beneath your wings. The saying about birds of the same feathers flocking together (for good or for bad) can easily be applied here. It is your responsibility, as an individual, to painstakingly choose friends who inspire, motivate or challenge you to rise above your potentials. If the majority of your friends are people whose life history is all about failures in relationships, marriages, careers, finances, social graces and other life’s accomplishments, you are in trouble. You’ll be like the victim of a capsized boat who struggles to swim above water while some haters, out of spite, keep pulling him/her down. In your pursuit of success, frustrated and miserable friends or associates can never be happy for you. And it does not matter if their faces are constantly plastered with smiles each time they see you. So, here is the bottom-line: Choose your friends wisely if you want to be successful in life!

My Enemy’s Enemies Are My Friends.

"My grandfather would tell you, your enemy’s enemies are your friends. Watch people, because you may not necessarily have an altercation with that person, but they’ll side with someone they think has an altercation with you on the common ground of disliking you." - Curtis James Jackson a.k.a. 50 cents.

What Are You: Friend or Foe?

"Associate yourself with people of good quality,

for it is better to be alone than to be in bad company.”

– Booker T. Washington.

The Song That Got Me in Trouble.

[embed]http://youtu.be/P47ZQtIHTqc[/embed]

This video reminds me of an incident in 1986. I was the Disc Jockey at a friend’s bachelor’s eve party. Everything was going smoothly more so, with many of the guests dancing so beautifully.

At one particular moment when the groom was ushered onto the dancing floor, some women rushed forward to dance with and encircle him to the song, “Ain't No Stopping Us Now” by McFadden & Whitehead.

At this stage, one woman left the circle to approach the groom for a one-on-one dance. She was the groom’s immediate ex-girlfriend. Earlier, the groom and some of us were really surprised that the woman could summon the courage to attend the party, especially since their break-up was very bitter.

As the D.J., I had already arranged some albums on the dual turn-table for my convenience. So, as the current track was rounding up, I released the next album on a different turn-table and the track was, “I Don’t Love You Anymore…” by Teddy Pendergrass. Subsequently, I was engrossed in arranging more albums on the previous turn-table. But according to the groom and other friends, while the crowd went crazy on hearing the song by Teddy Pendergrass, the groom’s ex-girlfriend was seen fuming at me because of the contents of the track blaring over the speakers.

All I knew was that the woman suddenly appeared in the Disc Jockey’s cubicle, her eyes filled with fury. In spite of her attitude, I asked “Hey…how are you doing?”

“Oh, you want to know how I am doing?” she asked with a sneer.

I nodded without a word.

And boom…she threw a glass of beer in my face!

“Now, you know how I am feeling?” she screamed in tears. “I know you don’t like me…and you played that stupid music just to ridicule me…”

 

 

 

Principles to Live by.

Make sure to surround yourself with those who can positively and effectively influence your life.

If the majority of your friends lack basic principles to live by except, maybe some religious posturing, your life will be filled with pretenses and delusions. 

If almost or all of your friends are the cynical, negative types who derive pleasure, albeit discretely, from your failures and downfalls, it will be very difficult for you to experience a positive growth in your life. 

And if you have a lot of friends whose major pastime is to discuss personalities instead of issues, you’ll end up miserable and unfulfilled most of the time. 

This is all because misery loves company and association induces participation. Only the deep can call to the deep in wisdom while only the shallow can wallow in doldrums like the shallow.

It's a free world. You reserve the rights to choose your friends. Choose wisely!

Beware of Your Associates.

Why do some individuals appear to have perennial relationship problems?

A person enters into a relationship and before long, it’s all over and they start wondering what goes wrong; is the problem with them or the erstwhile partners?

There are married couples who just can’t comprehend why their spouses often do things that are inimical to the success of their marriages.

The first step here is for the affected individuals to prepare a list of their five closest associates.  Now, the closest associates may be friends, siblings or (and) relations. Studies have proved that a person’s attitude to life, social grace (or a lack of it), spirituality, work ethics and several other character traits are mostly shaped or influenced by their closest associates. Traits such as drug addiction, alcoholism, infidelity, indolence, and other social vices don’t just suddenly feature in the character of an individual. They are the direct or indirect manifestations of the influence of closest associates. 

Subsequently, there is a need for an intensive evaluation of each associate, taking particular note of their positive and negative influences. For associates whose negative traits out-number the positive, it’s time to do away with them.

The last step to take in this process is the re-inventing of the individual.

A friend once explained why it took him so long to get married. It was due to the negative influences of some erstwhile friends. Erroneously seen as a “player”, whenever he had a woman in his life, the naive guy would go seeking the approvals of his friends. And then, the criticisms would start to roll in. If the friends did not consider the woman a “gold digger”, she would be crucified for being too arrogant. And when the next woman that came along was not found to be a “girl-about-town”, she would be condemned for being a “slut”. That was until it occurred to the poor man that the same friends were actually married to women who variously fitted the profiles they were criticizing in the women that came his way. He discarded the friends and proceeded to reinvent himself.

And there was a former colleague whose marriage ran into murky waters due to the constant suspicion of infidelity she placed on her husband. Somehow, the source of all these suspicions was a blood relation (her cousin). The couple was at the brink of getting a divorce when the secrets were let out. The mischievous cousin finally confessed and while the victim of her gross misdeeds accepted the apology, she instantly did away with the cousin.

It was Cherie Burbach who opined that “when determining which types of people will make great friends, it’s important to note who might be considered a negative friend. A negative friend is slightly different than a ‘frenemy’ in that they actually do want the best for you, but they focus on the downsides to any situation. For example, if you announce that you have won a lottery, there are friends who will not congratulate you. Instead, they will begin talking about how you’ll have to pay some hefty tax. In another example, if you announce that you’ve got a new, better job, don’t expect everyone to wish you well. That’s when some friends will express pity that you’re now going to be working so many hours.”

With friends or associates like that, you really don’t need any enemy!