The Impact of Attitude on Life.

“The longer I love, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.” ― Charles R. Swindoll.

A Painful Truth.

"Better to be awakened 
by a painful truth 
than to be lulled to sleep 
by a seductive lie.” 
– Dr. Phil McGraw.

The Next Judas.

When it Comes to Marriage, Every Man is Conservative.

In those days, a woman would go to any length to cover up those sensitive parts of her body that men considered to be the basis of a woman’s physical pride. Women recognized this same physical pride as the bedrock of their emotional state of well-being.

Back in the day, a woman would take extra precautions to keep a man guessing about her body. It was common for a man to keep dreaming excitedly of the day when he would finally have the privilege to see that body.

These days however, it’s a different “ballgame”. Now, a typical woman will go to any length to expose the most intimate parts of her body, leaving nothing to imagination. From a very first date, she will provide a man with an eyeful of erotic sights to last him a lifetime. On a platter of gold, the man’s eyes are fed with a constant flash of her half-exposed breasts (cleavage) and the occasional exposure of her underpants (sex appeal). Unlike the past therefore, most men don’t have to “salivate” or have their imagination running riot anymore. Now, the only obstacle standing between a man and sex after one or two dates is just the distance between the location of the date and the nearest bedroom. Yet, it’s amazing, if not baffling to hear a lot of women lament over “the shortage of good men” and why marriage eludes them. Don’t they ever reason within themselves to realize that when it comes to marriage, every man is conservative in nature?

How Principled Are You?

"Cowardice asks the question - Is it safe? Expediency asks the question - Is it politic? Vanity asks the question - Is it popular? But Conscience asks the question - Is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right"--- Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

Yoruba Liberalism and the Reactionary Igbo.

Poor Oba of Lagos! He was simply unlucky to have inadvertently made a statement that got exploited to turn him into a whipping boy at the hands of a people who always hide behind every excuse to heap insults upon the Yoruba race.

Ironically, this singular issue would “unite” me with some “Internet Tigers” of old who were my major adversaries in those days of Nigerian-oriented websites such as the Nigeria World, Lagos Forum, Kwenu, Nigerians in America and Gamji. Those were the good, old days of internet “combats” among Nigerian columnists in the period between the late 1990s and the early 2000s. In the past few days, the arguments that took place between me and those guys via e-mails were reminiscent of our past encounters.

The Yoruba people are very well-known for their liberalism which sometimes, can be on the extreme side. At the beginning of the civil war (for those of us who were around) the Yoruba initially chose to be neutral. In fact, some notable Yoruba sons such as Wole Soyinka, Fela Kuti, his brother (Beko) and Tai Solarin put their lives and freedoms in jeopardy by publicly expressing solidarity with and sympathy for the seceding Igbos, some of whom were allowed to move about discreetly all over Lagos. But how did the Igbo reward us? They bombed Casino Cinema at Yaba where several innocent people, especially women and children, were murdered in cold blood. The same Biafrans went on to make an attempted incursion into Yoruba land through Ore town. This act of treachery prompted the great Awo to declare that we “Go On With One Nigeria!” (Gowon). This rallying call would lead thousands of young Yoruba men to enlist in the army, forming the core of 3rd Marine Commando.

At the end of the civil war, only the Yoruba people welcomed the ex-Biafrans back with open arms. It was only in Yoruba land that no case of “Abandoned Property” was recorded as it happened in Port Harcourt and elsewhere across the nation. In our then Ebute-Metta neighborhood, for instance, several houses belonging to Igbo owners were duly returned to them by the Yoruba friends in whose hands they were entrusted. Many of us can still remember vividly how the returning Igbo were given accommodations and allowed to settle in Lagos Island, Makoko, Amuwo-Odofin, Iganmu, Amukoko and other parts of Lagos. It was in those places they sold all kinds of stuff such as chewing sticks and roamed about as “London tailors” (ejika ni shop). Yoruba people went out of their ways to make them comfortable. But what did we get in return? All of a sudden (as in the story of an Arab and a camel) the Igbo have since been claiming that Lagos is a “no-man’s land”. They have also resorted to peddling an abominable tale that Lagos State was developed by them. One can only wonder why they don’t deem it fit to first go develop their terribly impoverished states in line with the adage of “charities begin at home”.

When Asiwaju Tinubu became the state’s governor, he exhibited the typical Yoruba liberal attitude by appointing some Igbo individuals to important positions, including that of a Commissioner. This has not been reciprocated by any Igbo State governor till date. Instead of an appreciation, these unprecedented gestures have been seen by the Igbo as entitlements in a “no-man’s land”. The same Igbo finally over-reached themselves by resolving to collectively vote against the APC at the last elections. Unwittingly, it was a crazy gamble as they “cut their nose to spite their face”.

Now that Ambode of APC has won the governorship election in Lagos State, it’s a clear evidence that the spiteful Igbo had rendered themselves politically redundant at both the national and state levels. In the new dispensation therefore, it’s absolutely unnecessary for Lagos State government to “allocate” a commissioner’s spot or any other public position to the Igbo community. If this nonsense must continue, then similar slots have to be given to the Hausa, the Edo, the Calabar and other sojourners in the state.

Between My Heart and Brain.

It’s all About Your Character.

“To be worthy of anything, your character must be capable of standing firmly on its feet while in the course of daily work, and when confronted by temptations and trials.” -  Samuel Smiles.

Things to Do When You've Been Betrayed.

After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to wound the person who hurt us—as deeply and as excruciatingly—as we've been wounded, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But neither of these tactics work. Wounding words tend to boomerang and make you feel as terrible as the person you wanted to hurt. Forgiveness, especially if halfhearted, tends to come off as condescension.

There are actions, though, that you can take to can heal yourself. Every hurt has its own story, and so does every healing. But we can say this: You can heal yourself when you've filled the hole left behind by a betrayal, and you can heal the other person when you sincerely drop the need for revenge.

Remember, the only betrayals that inflict damage are the ones where an intimate bond has been torn. Love makes you merge with another person, able to feel their emotions as keenly as you feel your own. If you have experienced such bonding, you know that it is a kind of higher reality—and when that bond is ripped apart, it's as if you've lost half of yourself. So how can you get out of torment and find yourself again?

1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.


2.  Don't indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don't act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.

3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don't rely simply on letting time do it for you.

4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.

5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.

6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don't fixate on the past or what might have been.

7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.

Written by Deepak Chopra.

When “Keeping it Real” is Dumb.

Have you heard these words “keeping it real” lately? These words, as simple as they look and sound, have created a lot of issues and problems for a lot of young Americans. So many of them are indeed in jails across the nation because they have no clue as to what “keeping it real” is really all about!

In many black communities, for instance, “keeping it real” among the young people is the same thing as being disrespectful, doing badly in school, dropping out of schools, speaking poor English grammar and having pride in being an ex-convict. Another form of “keeping it real” is for a guy to dress like a thug, speak like a thug and act like a thug. The irony of this stupid attitude is that when real thugs get into trouble and appear in courts, they know better than to act like thugs. In fact, they suddenly speak and dress properly. So, this means they know the right thing to do in order to be taken seriously.

It’s terribly shameful that when some other young black folks do the right things such as staying in schools, studying to acquire good education, speaking proper English, dressing decently and being respectful, they are called names. The worst is that such nice young black folks are branded as “acting white”.

But when did the resolve to do the right thing become a monopoly of the white people? As a thoroughbred African, I take a very strong exception to the idea that black people are the custodians of negative stuff while white people are solely created to do the right things. But this is the crazy message some young black folks are unwittingly sending out to the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Your Attitude Goes Before Your Religion.

Some years back, I used to work with a guy who was notorious for his negative attitudes to life. This guy would curse or swear like a rogue sailor over the smallest form of irritation or annoyance. One moment, he was smiling with a colleague and the next moment, he was “stabbing” the same colleague in the back without batting an eyelid.

This guy’s attitude to work was something else. If he was not being lazy, he was complacent. And the worst aspect of it all was that the guy was as prejudiced and racist as a stray, diseased dog was known for being rabid. There was really “nothing good to write home about him”.

Then, something happened one day at work. We were all talking about our weekend, and particularly the past Sunday. It soon came to the turn of this guy. He began by saying “I was in the church…and as a Sunday school teacher…”

“What?...” almost everyone in the office exclaimed and glared at him simultaneously.

“What is what?” the guy, embarrassed, turned around to gape at us.

Suddenly, the entire room was quiet!

I was the first person to speak. “Did you just say…you were a Sunday school teacher?”

It took him a few seconds to answer but he finally did, “Yes…and so?...”

Quietly, everyone began to leave the room, one after the other.

 

Like Kutcher, like Cannon: The Marriage Games in Hollywood.

In the entertainment industry, ageing female celebrities have a way of dumping themselves on available young men as soon as they realize that old age is creeping on them. It’s often a case of a much younger man being used to brighten up the fading glory of an older woman. Such was the life story of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore in the aftermath of the latter’s divorce from actor Bruce Willis.

And so it was with Nick Cannon whose youthfulness “helped” boost up the public image of a much older Mariah Carey.



Lest we forget, Mariah Carey (in her younger, glorious days) got married to record executive Tommy Mottola who was about 20 years older than her. The man had earlier dumped his erstwhile wife for Mariah Carey. And as soon as her singing career hits the peak, the woman promptly dumped Mottola. But whatever goes around always comes around.



As Ashton Kutcher’s movie career got a major boost with his marriage to the older Demi Moore, so also did Nick Cannon’s career in the entertainment industry galloped upon his marriage to the older Mariah Carey. And like Kutcher who eventually dumped Moore, Cannon has also decided to crawl his way out of the marriage to Carey.

In a recent media interview, Nick Cannon tried to further shore up his image by declaring that the break-up with Mariah Carey was something initiated by him. The young man went on to state that he was ending the marriage because of Mariah's emotional state.

Marriages among celebrities have always been very low on love but very high in the uplifting of careers, egos, money and other mundane stuff. This factor alone has contributed enormously to the lowest ebb in which the sacred institution of marriage has been kicked in the entertainment industry.

 

Waiting for the Husband to Grow Up.

A couple of weeks after their wedding, Tunde Bhadmus had unwittingly resumed the reckless lifestyle of his erstwhile bachelor days.

Every day, he would return home at the “eleventh hour” and with a different excuse per day. It was either an impromptu party he had to attend somewhere or simply that he had to go out with the “boys”.

In spite of these provocative attitude and lifestyle, a very patient Bola (his heavily pregnant wife) would, on each night, welcome the man home without any fuss.

This simple attitude, Tunde noted, was completely different from those of his friend’s wives. Almost every morning in the office, he would listen as his friends exchanged stories on the bitter quarrels and war of words that their wives waged against them for coming home late the previous night. He wondered why his wife never did any of such things to him.



He decided to satisfy his curiosity one night.

On the fateful night, the man had returned home very late as usual.

As Bola, holding on to a pillow that had been her companion all night, was on her way to the bedroom after chanting the “good night” line, he called her.

“Bola, can I have a word with you?”

The young lady stopped in her tracks. Then she turned back to face him with a curious expression.

“I hope there is no problem.”

“No…no problem. I just wanted to ask a question.”

“A question?”

“Yes. I’m just curious. Why is it that you don’t complain?”

“Complain…about what?”

“Come on, Bola…you’ve never complained about my night crawling…why?”

The young lady stared at her husband briefly without uttering a word in response. Then she smiled.

It was a very cold, cynical smile.

“Are you sure you want me to express my opinion on that issue?”

“Why not…go ahead.”

“Okay…I think the problem with young men like you is that you have refused to grow up.”

“What…what’s that supposed to mean, Bola?”

Even as Tunde’s expression turned ugly in reaction to this remark, Bola only shrugged her shoulders with her cold smile.

“Well…I did ask if you wanted me to express my opinion. And I’m just starting.”

“Ah…what else do you have to say after that ridiculous statement?”

“I’ll continue anyway. Unlike what obtains in many Nigerian homes, some of you young men have been privileged to acquire great academic education from some of the best universities in the world. But in spite of your fantastic qualifications, you are dense in attitudes. Absolutely empty…”

A stunned Tunde looked on speechlessly while the young lady continued with her vituperations.

“Look at you, for instance. Your parents sent you to the prestigious Harvard University in America to obtain a great academic education. But unfortunately and manifestly, you still lack the appropriate psychological stamina to cope with the real challenges of life…”

“Hey…now wait a minute!” Tunde interrupted, his eyes blazing red. “This is preposterous.”

“Please let me finish before you make your response. I’m forced to make this speech in the first place because you asked for it…”

“And so damn what?…” he cut in again.

“And so, you’ll have to wait till I’m done, alright?”

For a very few moment, both husband and wife glared at each other until the woman resumed her speech.

“Now, as I was saying…one of the challenges in life is marriage. You claim to be a married man but every evening, you keep talking about going out with the boys…boys? And I keep asking, when is my husband going to become a man…when is he going to grow up?”

She paused briefly on realizing that the man was speechless as he stared at her in utter disbelief.

“I can’t belief this…”  Tunde finally managed to note quietly.

Unimpressed however, the young lady continued with her speech.

“And you thought I would complain…the same way your friends’ wives complain on daily basis…making fools of themselves? No sir! I married you for better, for worse. So, I just have to wait patiently and dutifully for you to grow up.”

She was about to leave but then turned around again.

“And by the way, have a good night, dear.”

With this conclusion, the obviously tired young lady finally turned to walk slowly towards the bedroom.

Stunned and stupefied beyond words, Tunde continued to glare at her contritely as she walked steadily into the bedroom.

“Wow…I guess I’ve got myself a philosopher for wife.”

Although there was to be no more reference to that strange incident, much to Bola’s surprise, Tunde stopped his wayward, boys-about-town activities, right from the following day. And whenever the man felt he had to attend a social function, he would insist that his wife accompanied him.

This is an excerpt from The Price of Ignorance, a literary fiction by Femi Olawole. To buy the book, click on the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Price-Ignorance-Femi-Olawole/dp/0615842968/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407592853&sr=1-1&keywords=the+price+of+ignorance+by+femi+olawole



 

 

What Manner of Justice in California?

Condemned murderers in California have every reason to smile lately. They will no longer be executed for their crimes against the society and humanity. On July 16, 2014, a Federal judge, Cormac Carney (pictured above) ruled that California’s process of executing prisoners is so dysfunctional that it amounts to “cruel and unusual punishment” and is therefore unconstitutional. And what was the US District court judge’s reason for making this decision? Of the more than 900 people sentenced to death in that state since 1978, only 13 have been executed. Among the implications of the landmark decision of judge Carney is that upon their cold-blooded murder, victims of crimes will automatically lose their constitutional rights. For instance, the pains, agonies and deaths of the many victims of Ernest Dewayne Jones (the convicted rapist and murderer pictured above) have become insignificant. This is because, according to the judge, the method adopted by California in executing prisoners constituted a “cruel and unusual punishment”. But did anyone tell the judge that all the victims of Jones were murdered in some nice, cool manners?

Beware of Your Associates.

Why do some individuals appear to have perennial relationship problems?

A person enters into a relationship and before long, it’s all over and they start wondering what goes wrong; is the problem with them or the erstwhile partners?

There are married couples who just can’t comprehend why their spouses often do things that are inimical to the success of their marriages.

The first step here is for the affected individuals to prepare a list of their five closest associates.  Now, the closest associates may be friends, siblings or (and) relations. Studies have proved that a person’s attitude to life, social grace (or a lack of it), spirituality, work ethics and several other character traits are mostly shaped or influenced by their closest associates. Traits such as drug addiction, alcoholism, infidelity, indolence, and other social vices don’t just suddenly feature in the character of an individual. They are the direct or indirect manifestations of the influence of closest associates. 

Subsequently, there is a need for an intensive evaluation of each associate, taking particular note of their positive and negative influences. For associates whose negative traits out-number the positive, it’s time to do away with them.

The last step to take in this process is the re-inventing of the individual.

A friend once explained why it took him so long to get married. It was due to the negative influences of some erstwhile friends. Erroneously seen as a “player”, whenever he had a woman in his life, the naive guy would go seeking the approvals of his friends. And then, the criticisms would start to roll in. If the friends did not consider the woman a “gold digger”, she would be crucified for being too arrogant. And when the next woman that came along was not found to be a “girl-about-town”, she would be condemned for being a “slut”. That was until it occurred to the poor man that the same friends were actually married to women who variously fitted the profiles they were criticizing in the women that came his way. He discarded the friends and proceeded to reinvent himself.

And there was a former colleague whose marriage ran into murky waters due to the constant suspicion of infidelity she placed on her husband. Somehow, the source of all these suspicions was a blood relation (her cousin). The couple was at the brink of getting a divorce when the secrets were let out. The mischievous cousin finally confessed and while the victim of her gross misdeeds accepted the apology, she instantly did away with the cousin.

It was Cherie Burbach who opined that “when determining which types of people will make great friends, it’s important to note who might be considered a negative friend. A negative friend is slightly different than a ‘frenemy’ in that they actually do want the best for you, but they focus on the downsides to any situation. For example, if you announce that you have won a lottery, there are friends who will not congratulate you. Instead, they will begin talking about how you’ll have to pay some hefty tax. In another example, if you announce that you’ve got a new, better job, don’t expect everyone to wish you well. That’s when some friends will express pity that you’re now going to be working so many hours.”

With friends or associates like that, you really don’t need any enemy!