No One is Walking all Over Me.

You Are What You Eat.

Realistic Secrets of Success.

This morning, I got an e-mail from a self-described well-educated, young urban professional who would like to build on his current great life’s foundation. He wanted my “blunt” opinion on what I believed to constitute the secrets of success in life. And he suggested that I posted the opinion on my blog so that others, like him, could also benefit.

In my humble opinion and in a nutshell, success in life entails either one or both of two factors. On the one hand, success can come from destiny. That is why some individuals (in spite of little efforts on their parts) are leading successful lives. By some divine reasons, they are always at the right place, at the right time. And, on the other hand, success can arise as the product of a great personal strategic plan. In most cases, this comprises of a good education, dedication and hard work.

In addition, success from either or both of these two factors can be accelerated and strengthened. To do this, all you have to do is surround yourself with successful or potentially-successful people. They will be the wind beneath your wings. The saying about birds of the same feathers flocking together (for good or for bad) can easily be applied here. It is your responsibility, as an individual, to painstakingly choose friends who inspire, motivate or challenge you to rise above your potentials. If the majority of your friends are people whose life history is all about failures in relationships, marriages, careers, finances, social graces and other life’s accomplishments, you are in trouble. You’ll be like the victim of a capsized boat who struggles to swim above water while some haters, out of spite, keep pulling him/her down. In your pursuit of success, frustrated and miserable friends or associates can never be happy for you. And it does not matter if their faces are constantly plastered with smiles each time they see you. So, here is the bottom-line: Choose your friends wisely if you want to be successful in life!

How Principled Are You?

"Cowardice asks the question - Is it safe? Expediency asks the question - Is it politic? Vanity asks the question - Is it popular? But Conscience asks the question - Is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right"--- Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

“No Offense But…” is the beginning of Disrespect.

Usually, when someone starts a conversation with “No offense but…” he/she is not going to say anything positive. 

Definitely, that person is just about to be offensive. At that point, if they are not immediately discouraged or stopped, an avenue for them to be disrespectful will be created unwittingly. And when that happens, unnecessary problems will arise between them and the other person.

Personally, I have resolved to never wait for such an ignorant person to continue with their conversation. This way, I give a prompt impression that I refuse to be a victim of whatever ignorant thing is about to come out of their mouths. I have however witnessed several scenarios where unwary victims got prejudiced, stereotyped and insulted through spoken words that are started with “No offense but…”

Therefore, when next someone around you starts a conversation with that ominous statement, “No offense but…” tell them immediately to stop right there! Alternatively, change the subject or, run, if all else fails.

Yes, I Have Trust Issues.

Usually, I don’t bother my head about what other people think of me. And I'm realistic enough to always look beyond smiling faces. However, there are times when I imagine the kind of thoughts shrouded in the minds of certain individuals. I was in a meditative mood over this issue sometimes ago when a colleague came over. We had barely exchanged pleasantries and traded some banters when he threw a question at me.

Colleague: Hey no offense, but there's one thing I’ve been trying to figure out about you…
Me: What’s that?
Colleague: I have this feeling that you have trust issues…
Me: (Interrupting him mid-sentence) Yes, I do have trust issues.
Colleague: (Sighs) You’re not even denying it?
Me: (Very calmly) No.
Colleague: (Pauses briefly) Okay…So, how come you have trust issues?
Me: (Smiling) Listen…I've come a long way. In the banking/financial industry, I held very sensitive positions. If I didn’t have trust issues, I would have ended up in jail or dead.
Colleague: Wow! That's something...
Me: My folks have a saying about life; "People's wish for you is to be like a partridge with all its aura of poverty." If I didn't have trust issues, wouldn't I be like that hapless bird today?
Colleague: (Now laughing) That's right!
Me: In my current profession, with all the risks and hazards involved, if I didn’t have trust issues, I could have been fired or worse, dead by now.
Colleague: Oh, I know about that one…
Me: Great! And what about my days as a bachelor with different women in my life? If I didn’t have trust issues, I would not have been so painstakingly patient enough to meet and marry the most wonderful lady in the world.
Colleague: (Now laughing) That’s so true! Okay, I understand where you’re coming from…
Me: Good! Now, you know why I have trust issues.

The Issue of Forgiveness.

The Truth Will Always be the Truth.

What Are You: Friend or Foe?

"Associate yourself with people of good quality,

for it is better to be alone than to be in bad company.”

– Booker T. Washington.

What is Life Without Principles?

I really can’t imagine how anyone can blindly wade through life without a set of principles to lean on. This is the foundation of all virtues. Life is tough as it is and without a set of guiding principles, firmly in place, no moral or social grace can come into existence or be sustained. Yet, there is never a room for principles where there is no self-discipline.

Unprincipled people may as well be walking about with blindfolds, falling into pits here and potholes there. If they are fortunate, they may survive life without grievous physical and emotional scars.

It’s however a different kettle of fish for every individual that imbibes strong, positive principles. While life may not always be kind to them, neither will it ever destroy them. If anything, every encounter with a negative fate will only provide an avenue for the acquisition of more wisdom for the principled.

The Dilemma of a Perfect Gentleman.

I have always believed in the wise words of sages.

I particularly treasure the admonition that a woman of virtue can consider herself, a precious jewel, that must not be given out to the swine of a man, lest he tramples his foot on her. Another word of wisdom is to never bother teaching a pig how to sing. The effort will be a waste of your time and the pig will end up getting angry.

What however happens where a "precious jewel" is handed to an appreciative gentleman who not only loves, adores and cherishes her but also gets over-protective, lest her great values be tarnished? I guess the sages of old would have expected only sheer gratitude from such a woman; except that in today’s world, there is tendency for the woman to react negatively rather than gratefully. And trying , under that circumstance, to explain the situation to an ungrateful woman can only get the man frustrated while the woman gets hassled.

The Paradoxical Commandments.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.”

― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council.

A Knock at Midnight.

“The first principle of value that we need to rediscover is this: that all reality hinges on moral foundations. In other words, that this is a moral universe, and that there are moral laws of the universe just as abiding as the physical laws. (from "Rediscovering Lost Values")” ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Knock at Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

When “Keeping it Real” is Dumb.

Have you heard these words “keeping it real” lately? These words, as simple as they look and sound, have created a lot of issues and problems for a lot of young Americans. So many of them are indeed in jails across the nation because they have no clue as to what “keeping it real” is really all about!

In many black communities, for instance, “keeping it real” among the young people is the same thing as being disrespectful, doing badly in school, dropping out of schools, speaking poor English grammar and having pride in being an ex-convict. Another form of “keeping it real” is for a guy to dress like a thug, speak like a thug and act like a thug. The irony of this stupid attitude is that when real thugs get into trouble and appear in courts, they know better than to act like thugs. In fact, they suddenly speak and dress properly. So, this means they know the right thing to do in order to be taken seriously.

It’s terribly shameful that when some other young black folks do the right things such as staying in schools, studying to acquire good education, speaking proper English, dressing decently and being respectful, they are called names. The worst is that such nice young black folks are branded as “acting white”.

But when did the resolve to do the right thing become a monopoly of the white people? As a thoroughbred African, I take a very strong exception to the idea that black people are the custodians of negative stuff while white people are solely created to do the right things. But this is the crazy message some young black folks are unwittingly sending out to the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Choosing Friends.

Make sure to surround yourself with friends or associates who can positively and effectively influence your life.

If the majority of your friends lacks basic principles to live by except, maybe some religious posturing, your life will be filled with pretenses and delusions.

If almost or all of your friends are the cynical, negative types who derive pleasure, albeit discretely, from your failures and downfalls, it will be very difficult for you to experience a positive growth in your life.

And if you have a lot of friends whose major pastime is to discuss persons instead of issues, you’ll end up miserable and unfulfilled most of the time.

Why? Because misery loves company and association induces participation. Only the deep can call to the deep in wisdom. And only the shallow can reach out to the shallow in stupidity.

It's a free world. You reserve the rights to choose your friends.

Choose wisely!

Principles to Live by.

Make sure to surround yourself with those who can positively and effectively influence your life.

If the majority of your friends lack basic principles to live by except, maybe some religious posturing, your life will be filled with pretenses and delusions. 

If almost or all of your friends are the cynical, negative types who derive pleasure, albeit discretely, from your failures and downfalls, it will be very difficult for you to experience a positive growth in your life. 

And if you have a lot of friends whose major pastime is to discuss personalities instead of issues, you’ll end up miserable and unfulfilled most of the time. 

This is all because misery loves company and association induces participation. Only the deep can call to the deep in wisdom while only the shallow can wallow in doldrums like the shallow.

It's a free world. You reserve the rights to choose your friends. Choose wisely!