Why Are Young Adults So Darn Confused?

How society has made life difficult for young people

Six-year-olds are children. Fourteen-year-olds are teenagers. Forty-year-olds are adults. There would likely be little disagreement about any of these claims.

But what about 18, 19, 20, or 21 year olds? Or 25-year-olds, for that matter? What are they?

People in their late teens and twenties – those who are no longer minors but who have not yet taken on full adult responsibilities – have become a unique age group. Many risky behaviors, such as heavy alcohol use, use of illegal drugs, sex with acquaintances or relative strangers, and drunk driving peak during the 18-25 year-old age group. Many people in this age group keep switching college majors, moving into and out of their families’ homes, changing jobs, and moving in and out of relationships.

What is it with these people? Why do they take so many foolish risks, and why won’t they just grow up?

My colleague Jeff Arnett has devoted much of his career to helping us understand this age group. He started by asking young people between 18 and 25 whether they thought of themselves as adults. A few said yes, and a few said no, but most of them said “in some ways yes, and in some ways no.” This was not a casual or blow-off answer. Our society really doesn’t have much of a formal place for people who have finished their secondary schooling but who have not yet settled down into “permanent” adult roles. Indeed, the way our society is configured actually prevents many people in the 18-25 age group from settling down.

For much of the 20th Century, there was a fairly standard path from formal schooling into adulthood. Many young people got married shortly after finishing high school, many men took entry-level jobs, and many women became stay-at-home mothers and homemakers. The jobs that young people took after finishing high school were often apprenticeship-type positions or positions working in the mailroom, in a steel mill, on an assembly line, et cetera. Workers who showed promise and dedication could sometimes move up in the company, and many working people stayed with the same company – or in the same line of work – for most or all of their careers. My grandfather, for example, started out in the mailroom of a costume jewelry business and eventually became the CEO.

Starting in the late 1960s and 1970s, things began to change. Many women grew tired of staying home and raising children while their husbands went to work. The steel mills began to close, and machines began to take the place of assembly line workers. Having watched their parents spend their lives in unhappy – or at least unsatisfying – marriages, many young people in the 1970s decided to wait longer to marry and to become parents, and some of those who found themselves in unhappy or unfulfilling marriages got divorced. The pipeline directly from high school into marriage and the workforce was beginning to break down, and young people began to flock to colleges and universities to acquire the knowledge and skills necessary to be competitive for the jobs that were available. Especially beginning in the 1980s, college became a time and place to “try out” adult roles, career choices, and relationship preferences. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, the number of Americans attending college full time increased by 430% between 1959 and 2010 – nearly six times the 72% increase in the overall U.S. population during that time.

Further, many young people were delaying marriage until their mid-twenties, and the social taboo against having sex before marriage began to ease. So the two primary issues that once were generally resolved shortly after high school – career and romantic partnership – were being delayed, and young people were expected to make choices in these areas rather than simply “falling into” a job and a marriage. This evolution from the traditional high-school-to-work transition to a more extended transition based on trying out potential choices was based both on individuals’ desire to change traditional gender roles and on the decreasing availability of entry-level jobs. These changes created the life stage that Arnett calls “emerging adulthood” (roughly ages 18-25).

So the reason why young people engage in such risky behavior and live such transitory lives lies in the combination of changing social norms, shifting economic conditions, and advancing technology. A college degree today is worth about as much as a high school degree was worth 40 or 50 years ago – it is the entry point for many professions, and it would be difficult to get a job in many fields without at least a bachelor’s degree. More and more people are enrolling in master’s degree programs, which means more time in school and an even more delayed entry into the workforce. The increased credentials required for many jobs, coupled with a shrinking job market, also mean that many more people will not be able to successfully compete for high-paying and satisfying jobs. More and more young people are moving back in with their parents (or not moving out in the first place) because they cannot find suitable work. More young people than ever are struggling to find their way. Risky behaviors are a form of identity exploration for some emerging adults who are looking to experiment with possible life paths and relationships, but these behaviors are often a mode of escape for young people who are unable to compete in an increasingly difficult and complex world. 



 At the same time, social norms have moved even further away from anything that my grandparents’ generation would recognize. The majority of births in the United States are now to mothers who are not married. Many couples are living together indefinitely with no plans to marry. Many people view breasts and genitals not as “private” parts (as they once were viewed), but as potential fashion statements. Breast augmentation, Brazilian bikini waxes, and male enhancement treatments are only some of the ways in which people are marketing themselves sexually. The very thought of a “sexual marketplace” is foreign even to my generation. We now have smartphone apps that provide the physical locations of potential hookup sex partners, and people are transmitting pictures of their genitals through social media. Behaviors that were once reserved for the sanctity of a married couple’s bedroom are now marketed and displayed publicly – thereby increasing the pressure on young people to “measure up” to some imaginary and unreachable standard. Our role models today are less likely to include presidents and newscasters, and more likely to include celebrities whose reckless behavior quickly creates new social standards. So not only are many young people blocked from reaching adulthood, but they are bombarded with role models for childish and irresponsible behavior. Lifestyles that would have been considered deviant 50 years ago are now commonplace. Our society has made it so difficult to become a functioning an adult, while at the same time providing plenty of role models for immaturity – so is it any wonder that today’s young people are living lifestyles that many of us from earlier generations think is crazy?

By Seth Schwartz Ph.D.

5 Types of Employees Who Are Not Management Material.

You may have your eyes set on the corner office (and the bigger salary that comes with it), but you’ll never get there if you’re not management material. Getting promoted at work isn’t just a matter of paying your dues. If you want a position with more responsibility and better pay, you need to prove you have what it takes. 

The best candidates for management positions are motivated and have strong leadership skills. They’re also good with people and have business expertise, according to a survey of executives by The Creative Group. 

“Being an effective manager means more than giving orders and making sure projects are completed on time,” Diane Domeyer, executive director of The Creative Group, said in a statement. “Leaders must inspire their teams and boost employee engagement to steer their companies to greater heights.”

Even employees who excel in their current position may not have the talent to be great bosses. And many of those worker bees are OK with not being management material. Only one-third of people surveyed by CareerBuilder said they were aiming for a leadership position at work. Just 7% were hoping to become a C-level executive.

Some people, however, are itching to work their way up the ladder at work and are wondering why they haven’t yet been tapped for a management position. If you’re one of them, your own behavior may be to blame. If you recognize yourself as one of these five types of employees, you may not be management material. 

1. The control freak: The micromanaging, control freak boss is the stuff of employee nightmares. This perfectionist manager wants to be involved in every decision, from approving the font used in the big presentation to choosing which snacks are stocked in the break room.

Control freak bosses make for unhappy employees who can’t reach their full potential. Of people who’d worked for a micromanaging boss, 68% said the dynamic was bad for morale and 55% said it decreased their productivity, a survey by “Accountemps” found.

Being unable to let go is not only annoying for your employees, but it’s also stressful for you. If you can’t trust your subordinates to make the right decisions, you might not be management material.

2. The responsibility dodger: Passing the buck is harder when you’re the big boss. Employees who are in the habit of blaming their failings on others won’t fare well once they’re in a management position, when it’s much more difficult to shift responsibility. Though bad managers may try to point the finger at employees when deadlines aren’t met or a critical mistake is made, they’re ultimately responsible for making sure the team meets its goals. 

“[Being a manager isn’t just a matter of getting a pay raise and getting to boss people around. When you’re the manager, there are no excuses,” Liz Ryan, the founder and CEO of Human Workplace, wrote in a blog post for LinkedIn. “If someone goofs up, it’s on you, because you hired them and you trained them.”

3. The wishy-washy leader: Do you hem and haw over the tiniest of decisions? Are you guilty of making choices and then changing your mind? Is setting clear goals difficult for you? Then you may not be great management material. While good managers listen and adapt, they must also be strong leaders who can guide their team to success. 

“Can you lay out a vision for your team, set goals and timelines around it, hold people accountable to meeting those goals, and be disciplined about saying no to activities that won’t drive you forward toward your objectives? Many managers struggle with pieces of this — especially saying no to projects that sound worthy but belong lower on the priority list.” HR expert Alison Green wrote in an article for U.S. News & World Report. If the idea of having people looking to you to make big decisions gives you a headache, a management position may not be the best choice for you. 

4. The slacker: People who are already having trouble doing their current job aren’t likely to set the world on fire as a manager. Being the boss means more responsibility, not less. Thirty-two percent of CFOs surveyed by Robert Half said balancing individual duties with the need to oversee others was the most difficult part of being a manager. Slackers need not apply, in other words.

While chronic laziness may not make you management material, it won’t always stand in the way of a promotion at work. You might get a bump just because your current boss wants to get rid of you. 

“We see a lot of organizations where managers will even promote a low performer just to get them out of their department,” Leadership IQ CEO Mark Murphy told NBC News. 

5. The too-nice team member: Jerks get promoted for a reason, and it’s not just because they’re bullies. Making difficult decisions and being able to criticize others is part of being a manager. Those are tasks the more tender-hearted tend to shy away from.

Managers who are too nice “don’t give tough feedback, shy away from going to bat for their teams, and give in too easily to demands,” according to the Harvard Business Review. As a result, the conflict-averse boss can drive away good employees and jeopardize the success of big projects. 

Research has also shown that nice people – especially nice guys – are paid less than those who are less agreeable. “We believe we want people who are modest, authentic, and all the things we rate positively to be our leaders,” Jeffrey Pfeffer, a business professor at Stanford, told The Atlantic. “But we find it’s all the things we rate negatively … that are the best predictors of higher salaries or getting chosen for a leadership position.” 

Courtesy: CheatSheet.

The Other Side of Social Media.

Sadly, this is the sad reality in the lives of most people. They are rarely there for their spouses and kids. Yet, they are all over the social media spending time with their "thousands of friends". And some others are investing almost every minute of their lives whining and venting frustrations on national politics when the problems in their homes hardly get any attention.

A Gift of Trust and Negative Impressions.

How many times have some of us received a wrapped gift on which is boldly written, “Fragile—Handle with Care”? This is precisely the impression that comes with the issue of trust. Trust is like a fragile gift. When reposed in a person, it can either be nourished or destroyed by the type of impression generated by the beneficiary to the folks around them.

Once upon a time, people could trust certain individuals in positions of trusts. Now for example, the impression is that only foolish parents will entrust their kids with Catholic priests. With many “Pentecostal” pastors owning private jets and living extravagantly, only naive Christians make a big deal about paying tithes. And these days, teachers, counselors and sports coaches are viewed with suspicions lest they abuse kids in their care. These trust issues were preceded by negative impressions on the part of the perpetrators but the impressions were branded as mere rumors and ignored.

Professionally, some of us have fallen victims of colleagues who betrayed our trusts in the past. And it wasn’t as if we didn’t see the problems coming. At one time or the other, we were presented with certain negative impressions about them but we ignored the warnings. Sadly, there have been other forms of breached trusts in friendships, marriages, relationships and other human endeavors all because the warning signs were ignored.

Freedom Comes With Responsibilities.