My Ordeal with Capital One Bank.

Mr. Richard D. Fairbank, the Founder and CEO of Capital One Financial Corporation must hear this!

Having been a customer of Capital One Bank for several years, I never imagined a time would come when the bank in Delaware would suddenly suffer some form of amnesia in regard to my identity. My first “crime” in this matter is that I'm a Nigerian-American. The second one is that I dare to make some Nigerian-related transactions with my credit card. I tried to buy a flight ticket for my wife who is coming from Nigeria. And I tried to pay for a Nigerian passport with the card. Of course, both of these transactions were promptly declined. It has always been like this each time I try to make a transaction that relates to Nigeria. And I firmly believe that whatever negative experience the bank has had with some few unscrupulous Nigerians is not a license for them to harass or stereotype me or other innocent Nigerians. That was why, this time, I made a proactive call to the bank to inform them about the intended transactions in a bid to forestall the problem that is now at hand. Unknown to me though, it was the call that led to their “suspicion”. Yet, no one had the courtesy via a phone call or e-mail to alert me that my credit card account has been suspended because I intended to make payments for some Nigerian-related transactions.

After they declined the transactions, I called the bank and for the first 30 minutes, I was given the run-around on the phone by the “Customer Service”. Finally, I was transferred to the “Fraud Unit”. And there, my ordeal escalated as I was made to feel like a criminal. In the process of “confirming my identity”, one guy said he wanted to first confirm my phone number. After putting me on hold for several minutes, he came back on the line to admit his daftness; he could not confirm my phone number because I was talking with him on the same phone! The matter soon assumed a worse dimension when one guy who introduced himself as “James” came on the line. James was practically and obviously having fun at my expense. He did everything verbally to ridicule and stereotype me under the pretext of “confirming my identity”. One moment, James was asking me about the type and color of my car and the addresses of all the houses I had lived in the past ten years. And the next moment, he was telling me, “…people like you go about with expired drivers’ license…”

Today is the twelfth day that my Capital One credit card has been suspended, all because I am a Nigerian-American!      

Why Settle for a Mediocre Existence?

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to

the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.” – As disclosed by a dying patient to Bronnie Ware (the palliative care nurse who wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying).

You Are What You Eat.

When Women Mistake Lust for Love.

Is it really so very difficult for women to know the difference between lust and love? I've discussed with some women who admitted that it was a difficult thing to discern. Okay, I know from past experience that women can be very emotional and sentimental. In the mindset of almost every man (including the dumb types), all that is needed do get a woman (including the highly educated) is to flatter her, tell her what she wants to hear and do what she expects from a man of her dreams and, before you know it, she will fall...sometimes, into her death.

A few days ago, 33-year-old E’Dena Hines (Morgan Freeman’s granddaughter) was stabbed about 16 times by her 30-year-old deranged, live-in boyfriend, Lamar Davenport. The man was in the throes of a drug-induced psychosis when he committed the crime a few blocks from their New York apartment. Here was a college-educated, professionally-accomplished actress/writer in a "relationship" with a semi-illiterate, lazy, rapper wannabe who is known to indulge in cocaine, pot and booze. He has six prior arrests, including for marijuana and petit larceny.

The worst aspect of a case such as this is that his girlfriend must have known about all these vices but typically would be playing “savior”, trying to help him out of his “demons”. Now, she is dead and the young man may even get off the hook by pleading “temporary insanity”.

A few months ago, Shade Adebayo, a 24 year-old Nigerian woman was brutally shot to death outside a Target store in Montgomery County, Maryland. From the moment she started dating the 27-year-old Donald Wayne Bricker Jr., the educated young woman knew that Donald was a drop-out, barely literate white man. Yet, she continued the relationship because she was in “love”. She failed to realize a Yoruba adage that says “A child is acting dumb and the parents are only concerned about the child's life, not knowing that it's the dumbness that will kill the child.” By the time Shade realized her own dumbness and decided to end the relationship, it was too late. Donald had made a counter decision. If he could not have her then nobody would have her.

There was the recent case of a man who was arrested for turning the face of his girlfriend into a mashed potato. A few hours later, the same girlfriend showed up to bail him out. And on seeing the stunned looks of the disappointed officers, the stupid woman blurted out that she loved him blah-blah-blah!

Personally, it hurts to see or hear of too many women who are becoming victims of homicides. These murders could have been easily avoided if only some women were not so dumb as to mistake lust for love!

The Impact of Attitude on Life.

“The longer I love, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is, we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.” ― Charles R. Swindoll.

A Painful Truth.

"Better to be awakened 
by a painful truth 
than to be lulled to sleep 
by a seductive lie.” 
– Dr. Phil McGraw.

A Gift of Trust and Negative Impressions.

How many times have some of us received a wrapped gift on which is boldly written, “Fragile—Handle with Care”? This is precisely the impression that comes with the issue of trust. Trust is like a fragile gift. When reposed in a person, it can either be nourished or destroyed by the type of impression generated by the beneficiary to the folks around them.

Once upon a time, people could trust certain individuals in positions of trusts. Now for example, the impression is that only foolish parents will entrust their kids with Catholic priests. With many “Pentecostal” pastors owning private jets and living extravagantly, only naive Christians make a big deal about paying tithes. And these days, teachers, counselors and sports coaches are viewed with suspicions lest they abuse kids in their care. These trust issues were preceded by negative impressions on the part of the perpetrators but the impressions were branded as mere rumors and ignored.

Professionally, some of us have fallen victims of colleagues who betrayed our trusts in the past. And it wasn’t as if we didn’t see the problems coming. At one time or the other, we were presented with certain negative impressions about them but we ignored the warnings. Sadly, there have been other forms of breached trusts in friendships, marriages, relationships and other human endeavors all because the warning signs were ignored.