The Ugly Sides of Social Media.

Social media have contributed immensely to the improvement of communication and social relationships among people across the global community. However, there is a prevailing sad, ugly trend whereby a whole lot of people are surrendering their entire existence to the many social media in the cyberspace.



For such people therefore, the economic law of diminishing returns have set in. Worse, too many individuals have unwittingly become emotionally dependent on the people they meet on social media. And it's from such people they seek the validation and determination of their self-worth. The multiplying effects of this reckless and dangerous trend are especially manifesting in the lives of many teenagers and young adults who depend on total strangers for the maintenance of their self-esteems. Consequently, some of them have ended up becoming victims of scams, statutory rapes, cyber-bullying, manic depressions, suicides and murders.

A Tale of Two “Sweet Sixteen”.

Recently, Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae Carter, was reported to have celebrated her 16th birthday anniversary with pomp and pageantry. To her celebrity parents, becoming a “sweet sixteen” was a big feat. And for this huge "achievement", she was rewarded with a BMW SUV by her father while the mother gave her a Ferrari GTO.

Initially, when the news broke, I felt some sense of shame. Why so? My daughter, Ebunoluwa, also attained the age of sixteen this year. For my daughter though, becoming a “sweet sixteen” was not the only feat achieved. Earlier, at a tender age of fifteen, she got admitted into college. That was the age Lil Wayne's daughter completed middle school. Unlike the rapper's daughter, my daughter actually turned sixteen while in college and she has since been maintaining the status of a straight “A” student which culminated into her acceptance into an Honor’s society. In a sharp contrast to Lil Wayne’s daughter therefore, my daughter deserved a plane, possibly one of those luxurious executive Lear jets. But what did I give her? Some clothes and a dinner at Red Lobsters, a sea food restaurant!

In the final analysis however, my shame turned into pride when, in a subsequent discussion with my daughter, I was made to understand a salient point. She did not envy Lil Wayne’s daughter. If anything at all, she would rather sympathize with the “poor” girl. Why so? The teenager's case is like that of a Biblical phrase about the impossibility of anyone “worshiping God with Mammon at the same time”. Luxurious, exotic cars with loads of cash can never go together with a teenager’s pursuit of education, sense of values or moral standards. Sooner or later, all those material things will pass away. But nothing can ever take away an education and neither can anything surpass a high sense of values.

And I concurred.

 

Part 2 of How Single Mothers Expose Their Daughters to Abuse.

Lakeera Watson had just returned from school when she heard the sound of the doorbell. At the door, the teenager was surprised to see Hakim Wright, her mother’s boyfriend, through the glass partition.

 Reluctantly, she opened the door to let him in…

 “Tell me.” the man asked. “What really did I do to make you hate me so much?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” she answered.

   Wright knew otherwise but continued to talk, this time with an enchanting smile.

“God knows I care so much about you.” Wright began to say. “And I’ve been telling myself to do whatever it takes to make you like me…I mean for us to be friends.”

   He pretended to appraise her teenage body all over for a few seconds.

“See baby…” he continued to flatter her. “All you need are just some designer clothes and shoes…and you’ll be a total knockout.”

   The girl blushed even as she tried to wave off the flattery.

   “Listen…I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

   Again, the man resumed his pretense at appraisal, looking her all over.

“Guess what…” he stated confidently. “I know the right stores where you can get all those stuffs.”

     “Oh, great…” Lakeera shook her head with a smile.

   “Sure, I’m serious about that, you know…” Wright said with emphasis.

   The girl stared silently at Wright. Then, she stood up. Wright did likewise.

   “Hakim, why are you doing this?” she asked the man.

   “Simple.” Wright said casually. “It’s because I care about you baby.”

   “And mom knows about this?”

   “Oh, no. She only knew I wanted to talk with you about the incident of the other day.”

   “Okay…”

   “So baby, let’s go do some shopping, can we?”

   Wright made for the door while the girl slowly followed suit.

This is an excerpt from The Temptation of Fate, a literary fiction, by Femi Olawole

Casual Sex Only Leads to Casual Stress.

Sexual hookups have now become a major culture in the United States and many other parts of the Western Hemisphere. While this culture is particularly prevalent among men and women in their early twenties, it is also a form of orientation among teenagers.

With the gap between puberty and entry into marriage getting ever wider, these teenagers and young adults are turning more and more to casual relationships as a way to express and satisfy their emotional needs through sex. 

In the United States, this issue has already reached an epidemic level. Unfortunately, it is often too late for these young people to realize that casual sex only leads to casual stress. The stress here is a summary of long-time physical and emotional pains. And the worse victims of the epidemic are the female participants.

Fortunately, this issue has attracted the interest of social scientists. For instance, a Kinsey Institute researcher, Justin Garcia and his team from SUNY analyzed its grave physical and psychological impacts in a 2012 comprehensive review. Hear them:

“In addition to risks of contracting STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and being raped or otherwise assaulted, people who engage in casual sex may suffer emotional consequences that persist long past the details of the encounter are but a dim memory.  On college campuses, where brief sexual liaisons are as prevalent as parties on a Friday night, the unanticipated results of a hookup can jeopardize a student’s career.  In the workplace, the results can be just as disastrous, if not more so.”

How Rihanna Taught Me To Say No To Nudity by Ifeoluwa Olawole.

I saw an article this evening. The author titled it "On Rihanna Teaching Me To Say No To Modesty Culture." The writer explained—very coherently, I must add— that Rihanna used fashion as a buffer against the meanness of others. Should you get naked to prove a point? I wondered. You should not get naked to get back at bullies. No, you EXCEL. Nothing beats excellence! Getting nude as a result of self-confidence is either a type of sick joke or a paradox or something only Rihanna can claim to be doing.

The writer states that teenagers are held to very high standards when it comes to dressing, especially at school and are expected to be very modest. She says it is wrong to make females feel ashamed because men are turned on by their form of dressing.

You see that is the problem, teenagers do not dress in scandalous outfit because they are feminists or because they are confident in their bodies. It is in fact the exact opposite. Some teenagers use their bodies as objects. Men do not objectify women as much as women themselves do.

We, as women, have believed somehow that our bodies are weapons. That is the same reason that even though a girl is fully aware that her “crush” does NOT like her, she still goes ahead to have sex with him. Because she has spent a substantial amount of time convincing herself that somehow, her body and sexual prowess may be enough reasons for him to change his mind.

And no, not just teenage girls. Adult women also convince themselves that their “cleavages” can help them get a man. Yes, some perverts objectify women but what is worse is women objectifying themselves.

Oh, I'm sorry but if your social media’s name is "My ass is badder than yours." or "sexybooties" or  any of those other crude names I can't readily think of right now, don't go around complaining that men only identify you with your physical attributes and endowments and nothing more. Scream until your face turns blue but that is the perception you and only you give. So, “no nudity” does not mean you are confident or sexy. Unfortunately, it means the opposite.

Honestly, I understand that male entitlement exists. I sometimes hate that people only suggest modesty in women because of men. It's unfortunate that a woman is expected to make choices on what to wear for fear of being violated by a man. I also hate that men have been reduced to dogs who have no self-control whatsoever. It's this type of disgust I feel when women get into marriages and proceed to expect that the poor husband is definitely going to cheat. 

So, I am not suggesting to anyone to dress modestly just to avoid being raped. Dress modestly, because it is your choice to do so. Because you understand that even though, God has blessed you with those beautiful physical attributes, you are MUCH MORE than that. There is more to you than uploading or sending tasteless nude pictures of yourself. Yes, you have been very physically blessed, but there is so much more going on for you than a big behind. Dress tastefully because you are very intelligent and insightful and will refuse to be known for just having a “bangin body”.

The truth is I think that rapists have a sort of mental problem that clothes can't solve. So, for the most part, this is not about them or any other person. It's about you and what you decide to represent. It's about respecting yourself enough to realize that the rest of the world has no business knowing what your breasts look like.

Love,

Ife.

Parenting 101.

I was about to pay for my items at a Walmart check-out counter one day when a woman and her teenage daughter noisily approach the line. Apparently, they were arguing over some stuff.

Suddenly, the girl yelled. "You know what, mom...fxxk you!" And she then walked away.

"Sharon!" the mother wailed. "Don't you talk to me like that..."

"Hello..." the girl turned around briefly to respond. "I just did, okay! Next time, you'l learn to make up your 'frigging' mind quickly on whatever the fxxk you want to buy!"

And to everyone's surprise, the mother broke down in tears.

"Oh, honey." she ran after the girl. "Please...I'm so sorry...."

At that moment, I felt like asking the woman: "Now, what the heck are you sorry for?"