Placing Yourself where You will be Properly Valued.

A father said to his daughter “You graduated with honors. Here is a car I acquired many years ago. It is several years old. But before I transfer the ownership to you, I need you to take it to the Used-Car leadership downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they will offer you.

 

The daughter went to the dealership, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because it looks very worn out.”

The father shook his head and said, "Take it to the pawn shop.”

 

The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said,”The pawn shop offered $100 because it was a very old car.” Once again, the father shook his head and asked his daughter to go to a car club to show them the car. The daughter did as she was told and returned to tell her father, "Some people in the club offered $100,000 for it since it’s a Nissan Skyline R34, an iconic car and sought out after by many.”

 

The father now smiled and said to his daughter, "The right place values you the right way.”

 

If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in a wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you. Never stay in a place where no one appreciates your true value.

The 5 Levels of the Value System in Yoruba Land.

The first is laaka’ye, which is the application of ogbon, imo, oye (knowledge, wisdom, understanding).
The second is valor. That is why Balogun (war commanders) are very close, in terms of hierarchy, to their kings in Yoruba land. Balogun are the individuals that can lead soldiers to war. Yoruba have no respect for cowards.
The third is integrity. Someone with integrity is a man of his words. If you have all the wealth in the world but lack integrity, it means nothing. Integrity is combined with iwa – character, which we regard as omoluabi (a respectable person).
The fourth is having a visible means of livelihood. A person must be identified with a visible means of living; that is, his or her profession or job.
The last level of importance in the Yoruba value system is money. If all you have in place of the earlier four is money, then you are a nobody.

- Chief Tola Adeniyi (former Managing Director of the daily Times).

Reducing Life to Buying & Selling.

 

“Perhaps the most extraordinary characteristic of current America 

is the attempt to reduce life to buying and selling. 

Life is not love unless love is sex and bought and sold. 

Life is not knowledge save knowledge of technique, 

of science for destruction. 

Life is not beauty except beauty for sale. 

Life is not art unless its price is high and it is sold for profit. 

All life is production for profit, 

and for what is profit but for buying and selling again?” 

—  W.E.B. Du Bois, The Autobiography of W.E.B. Du Bois: A Soliloquy on Viewing My Life from the Last Decade of Its First Century, Published June 1st 1968 by International Publishers.



On Memorial Day, we Remember all those who Gave Everything.

"On Memorial Day, we remember all those who gave everything for something greater than themselves. It's up to us to not simply reflect on their sacrifice but to honor it with service of our own—and by living out the values they fought for". - President Barrack Obama.

Family, Place of Forgiveness.

There is no perfect family. We do not have perfect parents, we are not perfect, we do not marry a perfect person or have perfect children. We have complaints from each other. We disappoint each other. So there is no healthy marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness, the family becomes an arena of conflict and a stronghold of hurt.  

Without forgiveness, the family becomes ill. Forgiveness is the a sepsis of the soul, the cleansing of the mind and the liberation of the heart. Whoever does not forgive does not have peace in the soul nor communion with God. Hurt is poison that intoxicates and kills. Keeping heartache in the heart is a self-destructive gesture. It's autophagy. Those who do not forgive are physically, emotionally and spiritually ill.  

That is why the family must be a place of life, not of death; territory of cure and not of illness; Stage of forgiveness and not guilt. Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow has produced sadness;

Healing, where sorrow has caused disease.

Courtesy: Pope Francisco.

Taking Responsibility for Our Actions.

Why is it so difficult for us to accept responsibility for our actions? We all like to feel important and have others have a high opinion of us. Some, more than others, develop an over-inflated view of themselves.  

These tendencies act to wrap us in what many call "denial", which creates a false perception of self and the inability to accept the truth about us. It then becomes painful to accept that mistakes are possible and when we make them, the first reaction is to point a finger at someone else. We refuse to think objectively and accept any involvement for our actions. Taking responsibility can be a very painful thing to do. 

The inability to accept responsibility for our actions and behaviors is a result of insecurity. By taking responsibility, some feels they are admitting to being weak, powerless, or an opportunity to lose the respect of others. It may cause one to feel he/she will lose a sense of value and importance. 

On the contrary, taking responsibility earns you respect. We can't be perfect all the time, we all make mistakes. When we accept responsibility we are accepting the blame for our actions and also accepting the responsibility for making improvements in our lives. 

Accepting responsibility is a measure of one's self-worth, a level of security, and the true sign of strength and courage. Having this ability can empower you to grow in ways that will bring you great rewards and accomplishments in your life. 

Who would you rather have great respect for: A person who takes responsibility for his/her actions, owns up to it and promises to do better in the future? Or someone who perpetually denies any involvement in situations when it's obvious he/she may be responsible? Accepting responsibility is a sign of personal growth and maturity. It is definitely not a sign of weakness. - Audrey Marlene.

The Good, Old African Style of Parenting.

The letter below was written by Richard Mofe Damijo, a Nigerian celebrity, to his teen-age daughter. The letter is coming in an era when some regular Nigerian parents are doing everything in their power to “Americanize” their kids. To them, it’s a kind of status symbol when their kids are ignorant of their cultures, can’t speak their local languages and, of course, lack moral virtues. It doesn’t matter to these kind of parents, if at the end of the warped "assimilation" process, the kids are totally “messed” up...physically, morally and socially! Yet, here is a celebrity insisting on practicing the good, old African style of parenting.

The Perfect Way to Answer one of the Trickiest Job-interview Questions you may be Asked.

 

There are many types of interview questions: easy ones, challenging ones, oddball ones, brain teasing ones, and, perhaps the worst kind of all: trick ones.  

Take, for example, "Would you rather be liked or feared?" 

This is a trick question because neither option is the right answer.

James Reed, author of "Why You?: 101 Interview Questions You'll Never Fear Again," and chairman of Reed, a top job site in the UK and Europe, writes in his book that what the hiring manager really wants to know here is: "What's your leadership style?" and "Do you have the poise to wriggle out of a trick question?"

Reed says the best way to answer this one is to opt for the unsaid option: "I'd rather be respected."

He explains that this is one of the few instances in which it's OK to dodge the options given by the hiring manager, and to choose another adjective, so long as you acknowledge the original framing of the question.

Here's the full response Reed recommends you try: 

"Hmmm, well I certainly wouldn't want to be feared. I think fear is a terrible motivator: people are often feared because they're irrational and acting for personal and unpredictable reasons. I definitely don't operate that way and I wouldn't like anyone to think I did.

"Everyone wants to be liked, but I don't think being liked per se is enough. You can like someone and still think they're no good at their job. Also, sometimes you need to do unpopular things to get the job done. I'd sooner aim to be respected. That's a good mix of personal connection — being liked; the ability to get done what's necessary — being feared; and making my co-workers understand that I do whatever's best for the team as a whole."

Ultimately, Reed writes, hiring managers want to get a better sense of your character, "in particular your integrity," he says. And to do that, they'll often ask questions that come in the form of moral dilemmas.

"The best way to tackle a character question is to show that you make conscious and clear decisions according to a set of values that you'll bring with you to the new company," he explains.

Courtesy:   Lifestyle



Prevention is Better Than Cure.

The best way to grow up with the littlest amount of pains is to learn from the experiences of those who have “been there, done that" in life. Being ahead of you, some of them have once fallen into “pits” of ignorance, wrong choices and despairs. Learning from their experiences will save you from falling into the same "pits".

Narcissism: Between Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé.

According to Wikipedia, to be narcissistic is to have an excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance. Narcissistic individuals are vain, self-loving, self-admiring, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, conceited, self-centered, self-regarding and egotistic.

Narcissism is a social disease that afflicts the rich and the famous. This disease is regularly sustained by the media which routinely feed on the gullibility of the famous. At the height of her “social sickness”, Britney Spears was notorious for her desperation for the limelight. And when it appeared that some other fellow narcissistic celebrities were stealing the shows, Spears resorted to the absurd. She shaved her head and, promptly, the young woman was back on top of the news. But in spite of all that nonsense, the time came for the media to get their hands on a fresh set of suckers.

Right now, the most notorious in narcissism among the celebrities are Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter a.k.a. Beyonce. Amidst a very tight competition, these two women will go to any length to display their obsession for public attention. From marrying some “unusual” men to giving their kids names that are most ludicrous and wearing outfits that make them look as good as stark naked, just anything will do in feeding their insatiable lust for public attention. And this was evident at the last Met gala where both Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé wore outfits that left nothing to imagination.

In the above picture, the gross hypocrisy of the American media was glaring. One picture that shows celebrities in the erotic movies genre is captioned as “Porn stars at the 2014 AVN porn Awards”. But the other picture showing Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian is captioned as “Influential people at the Met gala.” Objectively though, the “porn stars” dressed like choir girls when compared to the so-called influential women who looked as good as cheap whores.

 

 

 

Where Are the Real Black Men?

“You rarely see real black men in America…true black men. Often times, he has to take some of the bass out of his voice or shorten one of his vertebrae. He still has to answer as dependent on someone else for something else.” – Terrence Howard.

A Tale of Two “Sweet Sixteen”.

Recently, Lil Wayne’s daughter, Reginae Carter, was reported to have celebrated her 16th birthday anniversary with pomp and pageantry. To her celebrity parents, becoming a “sweet sixteen” was a big feat. And for this huge "achievement", she was rewarded with a BMW SUV by her father while the mother gave her a Ferrari GTO.

Initially, when the news broke, I felt some sense of shame. Why so? My daughter, Ebunoluwa, also attained the age of sixteen this year. For my daughter though, becoming a “sweet sixteen” was not the only feat achieved. Earlier, at a tender age of fifteen, she got admitted into college. That was the age Lil Wayne's daughter completed middle school. Unlike the rapper's daughter, my daughter actually turned sixteen while in college and she has since been maintaining the status of a straight “A” student which culminated into her acceptance into an Honor’s society. In a sharp contrast to Lil Wayne’s daughter therefore, my daughter deserved a plane, possibly one of those luxurious executive Lear jets. But what did I give her? Some clothes and a dinner at Red Lobsters, a sea food restaurant!

In the final analysis however, my shame turned into pride when, in a subsequent discussion with my daughter, I was made to understand a salient point. She did not envy Lil Wayne’s daughter. If anything at all, she would rather sympathize with the “poor” girl. Why so? The teenager's case is like that of a Biblical phrase about the impossibility of anyone “worshiping God with Mammon at the same time”. Luxurious, exotic cars with loads of cash can never go together with a teenager’s pursuit of education, sense of values or moral standards. Sooner or later, all those material things will pass away. But nothing can ever take away an education and neither can anything surpass a high sense of values.

And I concurred.

 

Al Sharpton: The Gold Fish has no Hiding Place.

When the news broke the other day that one of the highly visible and vocal civil rights activists in the black community, Rev. Al Sharpton owed some money in unpaid taxes, I was not really surprised. Guys like that, in spite of the pious image they portray to the public, usually have some stinking skeletons in their cupboards.

I was however surprised to learn that the amount he owed was in the sum of $4.5 million! According to an investigation conducted by the New York Times, Sharpton “regularly sidestepped” taxes, rent and other bills. His non-profit organization National Action Network alone owes over $1 million in overdue payroll taxes. Now, how could taxes be deducted from the employees of his organization without the same taxes being remitted to the Internal Revenue Service?

For Al Sharpton, it is a double moral tragedy.

In his desire to fight for justice and the civil rights of other people, Al Sharpton does not necessarily have to be a holy angel or a saint. But he is not only a sundry civil rights activist but also someone who strongly lays a claim to religious leadership, a factor on which rests the bulk of his reputation. For this factor therefore, he definitely needs to be morally above board.

And in silly attempt at self-defense, Sharpton appeared on the CNN yesterday saying that the reported $4.5 million was the original figure he was ordered to pay back in 2008, but that he has been making regular payments since then and the amount is now less. Pleaseeeee! Can someone please tell this guy that whether 2008 or 2014, he has no moral right to owe taxes, period!

Sharpton cannot, on the one hand, strive to be seen as a respected “man of God” that is playing “savior” all over the place while, on the other hand, he is grossly shirking in his civic responsibility to pay taxes in his individual capacity and as a business man who owns some for-profit companies such as Raw Talent and Revals Communications.

If a famous, money-making public figure such as Al Sharpton refused to pay taxes why should poor, ordinary folks like me pay?

Things to Do When You've Been Betrayed.

After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to wound the person who hurt us—as deeply and as excruciatingly—as we've been wounded, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But neither of these tactics work. Wounding words tend to boomerang and make you feel as terrible as the person you wanted to hurt. Forgiveness, especially if halfhearted, tends to come off as condescension.

There are actions, though, that you can take to can heal yourself. Every hurt has its own story, and so does every healing. But we can say this: You can heal yourself when you've filled the hole left behind by a betrayal, and you can heal the other person when you sincerely drop the need for revenge.

Remember, the only betrayals that inflict damage are the ones where an intimate bond has been torn. Love makes you merge with another person, able to feel their emotions as keenly as you feel your own. If you have experienced such bonding, you know that it is a kind of higher reality—and when that bond is ripped apart, it's as if you've lost half of yourself. So how can you get out of torment and find yourself again?

1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.


2.  Don't indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don't act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.

3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don't rely simply on letting time do it for you.

4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.

5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.

6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don't fixate on the past or what might have been.

7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.

Written by Deepak Chopra.

The Perils of the Internet.

“Generally, social networking sites

can be hugely promising and beneficial

in opening new friendships

and vistas

and knowledge of the world,

but they are also fraught with peril,

when young people are reckless

or headless.”

- Richard Blumenthal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Knock at Midnight.

“The first principle of value that we need to rediscover is this: that all reality hinges on moral foundations. In other words, that this is a moral universe, and that there are moral laws of the universe just as abiding as the physical laws. (from "Rediscovering Lost Values")” ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Knock at Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

I Miss My Girl.

My father used to say; “To a parent, a child will always be a child, no matter how much the child has grown.”



Back then, when Ifeoluwa (above) was in  Queens' College, a high school with boarding facility, I was stressing on how she would cope with all those strict  school prefects and “senior” students because of her very young age and fragile frame.

As a college undergraduate (below) my fear was how she would “survive” in the midst of the much older, “street-wise” students on campus.



Now the young lady is all grown and matured with established personal principles…

Shouldn’t a parent calm down and relax? Not me!

Since she relocated to Washington DC last weekend (see the following pictures) to start a new life as a graduate student, I can’t help feeling “somehow” because…I miss my girl…and a lot more than I did during her past academic pursuits.



From left (above) Titilola (my wonderful wife) Me and my girl, Ifeoluwa.



From right (above) Ifeoluwa, Ebunoluwa (a.ka. last born) and Titilola (the proud mom).

 

 

 

No Man is Ugly Except by Choice!

Are you a young man who feels ugly because some women say so? It’s time you had a rethink because no man is ugly except by choice. In fact, it’s far easier for a man to look handsome than for a woman to look pretty. And how do you do this?

1. Get a good education. It’s the ticket to a good job, a car and a home.


2. Speak and write good grammatical expressions.


3. Identify & explore your natural talents such as sports, music or acting.


4. Dress properly. Even thugs wear suits when they appear in courts.


5. Be very hard-working. And no tardiness!


6. Finally, be patient! Get-rich-quick plans only leads to jail or death.

With the adoption of the above sense of values, you will sooner or later reap the fruits of your labor. And before you know it, many women will begin to find you attractive. If you are in doubt, go ask the following guys who were once called ugly:

1. Elon Musk: Co-founder of PayPal, (Dated beautiful women like Cameron Diaz).


2. Jay Z: Rapper (Married to Beyonce and other women run after him).


3. Kevin Hart: Commedian (Once married a pretty woman and others are after him).


4. Danny Devito Actor (Married to pretty Rhea Perlman).

 

Will James Brown Ever Rest in Peace?

James Brown, the soul legend who died of congestive heart failure on December 25, 2006 was kept on ice for several months due to stupid squabbles among his descendants. Finally, sanity prevailed and his body was buried. But the body has never known peace!



So far, the body of James Brown has been exhumed and relocated for about 16 times. Some of these relocations were brought about by the singer's widow, Tomi Rae, upon the excuse that the man did not get the burial he would have wanted. The same woman also got a court order to get the man’s legs amputated and practically dismembered. This was to have a DNA test performed to determine whether James Brown was the father of Rae’s son, James Jr.



For a man who rose from a very humble background and, by dint of hard work, rose to great heights in the music industry, this is a big shame!

Whatever legacies James Brown would claim he had left to posterity could never compare with the gargantuan mess that now lingers since his demise. This is a huge lesson for all men, irrespective of their financial or social status. The mess men create in their wild days definitely lives after them!



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Manner of Justice in California?

Condemned murderers in California have every reason to smile lately. They will no longer be executed for their crimes against the society and humanity. On July 16, 2014, a Federal judge, Cormac Carney (pictured above) ruled that California’s process of executing prisoners is so dysfunctional that it amounts to “cruel and unusual punishment” and is therefore unconstitutional. And what was the US District court judge’s reason for making this decision? Of the more than 900 people sentenced to death in that state since 1978, only 13 have been executed. Among the implications of the landmark decision of judge Carney is that upon their cold-blooded murder, victims of crimes will automatically lose their constitutional rights. For instance, the pains, agonies and deaths of the many victims of Ernest Dewayne Jones (the convicted rapist and murderer pictured above) have become insignificant. This is because, according to the judge, the method adopted by California in executing prisoners constituted a “cruel and unusual punishment”. But did anyone tell the judge that all the victims of Jones were murdered in some nice, cool manners?