I Found Out The Guy I Was Dating Did It For A Dare. Here's What Happened Next.

As I minimized the WhatsApp conversation on my phone, I was filled with dread about what the next evening would bring. It was a couple of weeks before Christmas and I was going on my first date since the end of my last relationship, two years ago. To say I was extremely nervous was a severe understatement.

 

“He was funny, very intelligent, open-minded and ambitious and more importantly, accepted and preferred the fact that I am plus-size. 

 

I’d been talking to Robert* for a couple of weeks via Bumble and then WhatsApp, and all seemed to be going well. Since the end of my last relationship, I’d been a bit wary of the opposite sex and had gone into every new dating app chat with a degree of skepticism (especially as I am plus-size – more on this later), however Robert seemed different. He was funny, very intelligent, open-minded and ambitious and more importantly, accepted and preferred the fact that I am plus-size.

It seems a bit silly to have to declare something as trivial as one's weight on an app, but due to how a large percentage of plus-size women are treated in the dating world, some of us choose to add a note about our weight to our profiles, almost as some kind of 'disclaimer'. It’s even worse when your weight intersects with something such as race or gender.

 

Date night with Robert finally came around and I was practically bursting into flames with excitement. We’d agreed to meet in Clapham in southwest London for a couple of drinks. I arrived at the venue early and tweeted a cute picture of myself, telling my followers that I was out on a first date. Robert arrived and the date began. We had a great time during the three or so hours we spent together – we laughed, we exchanged hilarious date-fail stories, we spoke about our families, likes and dislikes…just normal date stuff, you know? He’d even bought me a little ornament for my room as I’d told him I was still doing it up, which was sweet. At the end of the night, we kissed and he said he wanted to see me again.

 

A week later, and hours of speaking on the phone and texting throughout the night, we decided that he’d come over to my flat and we’d watch a few shows while I cooked (I know, I know, rookie mistake; like I said, I’m a dating newbie). Obviously, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.

 

That was the last time I heard from him.

 

Cut to this week when I receive an email from a friend of his. Apparently, Robert had shown my blog to his friends for 'approval'. This friend tells me that in the interests of full transparency, he thought he should let me know that the reason I had not heard from Robert since our second date was because he had been dared to 'pull a fat chick' and – upon completing the dare – had won a sum of money his friends had pooled.

 

I felt sick. A wave of embarrassment and humiliation washed over me, and I went into my bathroom and cried. I had been terrified of meeting and talking to men for fear of them judging my appearance. As much as I know that I am an awesome person, I’m blindingly aware that the way I look is not what mainstream society considers to be 'beautiful', and that’s something I always have to think about and carry with me.

 

What should have been a lovely couple of dates – a bid to improve my confidence and self-esteem while tackling the shark-infested waters of dating – has turned into a teaching moment for me, and has definitely made me feel a lot more wary about dating in general and more importantly, trusting men.

 

Sadly, my story isn’t an isolated incident. We’ve all heard of sick pranks such as the 'pull a pig' game, which involves a group of men daring each other to hook up with the least attractive woman (in their eyes) in order to gain clout. There are tales as long as my arm from fellow plus-size women who have been duped or tricked in this way and frankly, a discussion needs to be had about it. 

Dating as a plus-size woman, you see, is an exercise rooted more in patience and frustration than in romance. When you are not being ignored by prospective interests, you are either subjected to humiliation and abuse or you are fetishized for your weight. Either way, the abject failure to consider the feelings of the plus-size women in these situations is just another example of the ways in which we are not afforded the luxury of being treated as human beings. It highlights the lack of respect that some men have for women, particularly if they do not comply with social norms.

 

As plus-size women, we are not afforded the same humanity, care, love and respect as our thinner counterparts. This can force a monumental drop in confidence and either put us off dating for life or lead us to partake in more casual dating in an effort to prove our worth through sex.

 

Luckily (or maybe unluckily?) I had already deleted Robert’s number from my phone, after not hearing from him for a couple of weeks, so I have no way to contact and chastise him for what he did. I decided to ignore the friend’s email and used Twitter to tell my story, in the hope of opening up the conversation about the way plus-size women are treated. My aim was to raise awareness, and while I received some amazing, positive feedback, it also came with its share of trolling and horrible comments – almost all from men, who were either laughing at the situation or suggesting I change my appearance in order to be treated better next time.

 

I like to think that I’m confident enough and maybe numb enough to the whole experience and haven’t let it define me as a woman, but for those of us who are still on our journeys to finding self-love and increasing our confidence, going through an experience where you are basically seen as an experiment can be battering.

 

Ultimately, what I’ve concluded is that men seem to undertake these 'pranks' as a way of gaining respect from their male friends at the expense of women’s feelings. Men, it’s time to stop being impressed by this toxic behaviour. It’s time to call it out, to hold each other accountable. Would you be as admiring if someone pulled a prank like this on a plus-size relative – on your sister, perhaps, or your cousin? Most of all, it’s time to start taking the emotions, perspectives and feelings of fat women seriously. Regardless of body shape, we all deserve to be treated with respect and basic common decency.

 

*Name has been changed.

The Amish and Their Ways of Life.

As seen in the above picture, a dating/engaged couple among the Amish can sleep in the same bed. But they must remain dressed with a wooden barrier in-between them.

In the 21st Century America, Amish communities are very well-known for their extremely humble ways of life and their abhorrence of modern things. But guess what? With their strict rules, sheltered living and clean culture, they have the lowest cancer rate in the United States. They don’t smoke or drink and they produce their own foods (organic, of course). What's more? The social maladies that pervade the rest of America and the world at large are non-existent in their communities. Reckless sex, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, emotional heart breaks, verbal and physical abuses, cases of depressions, divorces and other related issues are strange to them.

Most often, an Amish wedding is conducted in the simplest manner.

When it comes to dating and marriage, it's a different kettle of fish within the Amish community. Often young people will meet in public settings and if things go well, they might meet in private for chaperoned dates. When a young couple starts dating, usually marriage is not too long after. A couple must however first get their engagement blessed by a religious leader. 

Most often Amish weddings are held in the simplest possible manner. The bride usually wears a simple blue-lined dress and is prohibited from wearing make-up or even a ring as they both represent vanity in their eyes. Flowers are in fact too fancy and instead they use celery. And for reception, people mostly just stand around and talk or offer the new couple their blessings. Right after that the couple spends their first night together. That is the very first time they will start to see each other in the nude.



When Women Mistake Lust for Love.

Is it really so very difficult for women to know the difference between lust and love? I've discussed with some women who admitted that it was a difficult thing to discern. Okay, I know from past experience that women can be very emotional and sentimental. In the mindset of almost every man (including the dumb types), all that is needed do get a woman (including the highly educated) is to flatter her, tell her what she wants to hear and do what she expects from a man of her dreams and, before you know it, she will fall...sometimes, into her death.

A few days ago, 33-year-old E’Dena Hines (Morgan Freeman’s granddaughter) was stabbed about 16 times by her 30-year-old deranged, live-in boyfriend, Lamar Davenport. The man was in the throes of a drug-induced psychosis when he committed the crime a few blocks from their New York apartment. Here was a college-educated, professionally-accomplished actress/writer in a "relationship" with a semi-illiterate, lazy, rapper wannabe who is known to indulge in cocaine, pot and booze. He has six prior arrests, including for marijuana and petit larceny.

The worst aspect of a case such as this is that his girlfriend must have known about all these vices but typically would be playing “savior”, trying to help him out of his “demons”. Now, she is dead and the young man may even get off the hook by pleading “temporary insanity”.

A few months ago, Shade Adebayo, a 24 year-old Nigerian woman was brutally shot to death outside a Target store in Montgomery County, Maryland. From the moment she started dating the 27-year-old Donald Wayne Bricker Jr., the educated young woman knew that Donald was a drop-out, barely literate white man. Yet, she continued the relationship because she was in “love”. She failed to realize a Yoruba adage that says “A child is acting dumb and the parents are only concerned about the child's life, not knowing that it's the dumbness that will kill the child.” By the time Shade realized her own dumbness and decided to end the relationship, it was too late. Donald had made a counter decision. If he could not have her then nobody would have her.

There was the recent case of a man who was arrested for turning the face of his girlfriend into a mashed potato. A few hours later, the same girlfriend showed up to bail him out. And on seeing the stunned looks of the disappointed officers, the stupid woman blurted out that she loved him blah-blah-blah!

Personally, it hurts to see or hear of too many women who are becoming victims of homicides. These murders could have been easily avoided if only some women were not so dumb as to mistake lust for love!

The Life of a Spoiled Brat.

At this moment, the principal hung up the phone and turned toward the student.
“Yes, Ms. Weathers…what’s all the altercation between you and Ms. Sanders?”
There was no response.
“Hello…I’m waiting…”
“I…I didn’t like the way she humiliated me in the class.”
“How do you mean…can you be more explicit?”
All of a sudden, Weathers screwed up her face and made some wild gestures with her right hand, prompting the principal to think she was being rude to him.
“What…don’t you dare…” he threatened the student.
The man however stopped in his verbal tracks when, to his dismay, the girl clutched her stomach in obvious pain.
“What…in the world…is wrong with you?”
He rushed to her side as she bolted over, screaming in pain. It was at this stage the principal saw the thick, parallel lines of blood as they snaked down the girl’s pretty, long legs.
Now confused beyond comprehension, the principal called out to his administrative assistant.
“Mary…please call 9-1-1.”
He heard the woman acknowledge his order with the tapping of some numbers on the phone as she placed a call to the emergency dispatcher. He also listened to her subsequent conversation on the phone. Afterwards, the woman rushed to join the duo of the principal and the girl in the office.
“Jessica Weathers…” the principal was calling the girl as she lay crumpled on the floor. “Are you okay?”
“No.” the girl whimpered amidst sobs. “My tummy hurts like shit.”
“Can I call the school nurse?” the Administrative Assistant asked in panic.
“Yes, please…” the principal said but soon turned around to halt the woman’s movement. “But we can’t leave her on the floor. Can you assist me in placing her on a couch?”
With the aid of his administrative assistant, the principal lifted the sobbing girl onto the nearest couch.
Shortly afterwards, they heard the wailing sound of a siren as an ambulance raced furiously in the direction of the administrative block.- Being excerpts from The Temptation of Fate: http://www.amazon.com/Temptation-Fate-Femi-Olawole/dp/1456522167/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426784562&sr=1-1&keywords=the+temptation+of+fate+by+femi+olawole

No Man is Ugly Except by Choice!

Are you a young man who feels ugly because some women say so? It’s time you had a rethink because no man is ugly except by choice. In fact, it’s far easier for a man to look handsome than for a woman to look pretty. And how do you do this?

1. Get a good education. It’s the ticket to a good job, a car and a home.


2. Speak and write good grammatical expressions.


3. Identify & explore your natural talents such as sports, music or acting.


4. Dress properly. Even thugs wear suits when they appear in courts.


5. Be very hard-working. And no tardiness!


6. Finally, be patient! Get-rich-quick plans only leads to jail or death.

With the adoption of the above sense of values, you will sooner or later reap the fruits of your labor. And before you know it, many women will begin to find you attractive. If you are in doubt, go ask the following guys who were once called ugly:

1. Elon Musk: Co-founder of PayPal, (Dated beautiful women like Cameron Diaz).


2. Jay Z: Rapper (Married to Beyonce and other women run after him).


3. Kevin Hart: Commedian (Once married a pretty woman and others are after him).


4. Danny Devito Actor (Married to pretty Rhea Perlman).

 

What Manner of Men Are Out There These Days?

There are many men out there. And they are mostly unsuitable for a long-time-relationship or marriage. Here are samples:



A man’s head is filled with corn rows. And when he is not going about with those silly braids, his head is covered with some lousy rags. He proudly indicates that all these are in a bid to show that he has a thug attitude even though he is well in his middle twenties. He needs to grow up!

A man spends too much time in front of a mirror. He has a cosmetic case or a table filled with so many hair grooming stuff and “make-up” items that one will think the house belongs to a woman. Outside, people see him as pretty, not handsome. If you stand on a line behind him at a check-out counter, you can mistake him for a woman. Unless you are a lesbian, this is not a real man!

A man speaks with a falsetto rather than with a real man’s vocal tone. When he is angry, he screams like a woman instead of yelling as a real man does. Whenever he is frustrated or involved in an argument, a pair of tears soon wells up in his eyes. He needs to man up!



 

A man spends too much time in a gym. But all he does is focus all attention on building his chest and biceps or triceps. That is an indication that he is deficient in the most sensitive area of his body. Unless it doesn’t matter to you (and that will be a lie) watch out!

A man drives a Lexus. He wears designer clothes and shoes. But he still lives with his mama…in her house. It doesn’t matter if he pays rent and parts of the utility bills. And, of course, his age does not matter. He needs to grow up!

A man is in his middle thirties. He has a great job, a house, a car and looks like a guy from the cover of a glossy magazine. Yet, he is single. Please, for your own sake, do not assume that he is a “player”, except if a major hobby of his is to play with toys. Underneath that “cool” façade may actually be a scared “mama’s boy”, a little boy trapped inside a grown body, a sociopath, a closet psychopath or a man “On-The-Down-Low”. Before you rush to fall in love with a fluke of a man, open your eyes!

 

 

How Single Mothers Expose Their Daughters to Abuse.

Lakeera Watson woke up with a start. The 16 year old teenager looked around with sleepy eyes, wondering why she woke up. Then, she heard some rude noises, the source of which she could not place immediately.

   Impulsively, she glanced at the table clock beside her bed. It indicated that the time was ten minutes after one in the morning.

   She decided to go back to sleep. But when the noises persisted, she got up slowly from her queen-sized bed.

   Grabbing a robe from atop a nearby chair, the girl wore it quickly over her night dress. Then, she walked toward the direction of the noises.

   Lakeera Watson had almost reached her mother’s bedroom, when she realized that it was her mother who had been giggling so noisily.

   Wondering about the object of the older woman’s amusement; the sleepy-eyed girl decided to go check for herself.

   The teenager had barely reached the door of the bedroom when the laughter changed into soft cries. Baffled by the sudden turn of events, the girl quickly moved closer to the half-closed door and gently pushed it to let herself in. And that was when she got the rudest shock of her life.

   Lying intertwined on the bed, with eyes tightly shut was her spread-eagled mother and a man atop her. The man was heard breathing heavily as he engaged in what appeared, in the girl’s consciousness, to be an act of sex.

   Stunned by the gory sight, the girl was momentarily transfixed to one spot while she listened to the heavy grunts and some weird whistling sounds that came from both her mother and the man.

   Suddenly, Lakeera heard her mother and the man cry out in ecstasy. Not really comprehending the situation, the teenager also heard her mother yell a command to the man to get off her.

     In disgust, the teenager bolted from the room. But in the process, she inadvertently knocked one of her arms on the edge of the door.

   It was this commotion that exposed her presence in the room.

   Alerted by the noisy departure of her daughter, Sherri Watson and her lover turned sharply to catch a fleeting glimpse of the fleeing girl.

   “Oh, no.” the older Watson sprang up from the bed to put on a bath robe.

“What the hell was she doing here?” her boyfriend asked in anger as he too sat up in the bed. Without an answer, Sherri Watson walked slowly toward her daughter’s room.     

This is an excerpt from The Temptation of Fate, a book by Femi Olawole.